Hi monolithic80,

Jumping in here to welcome you too! I'm sorry that you are feeling drained right now. There are so many of us here who have family members with BPD, so you are not alone. We know what it's like to experience smear campaigns, ugly stories, and lies about us. Oftentimes to our family members, their version of the events is entirely true because of the disorder. How much contact do you have with your son, DIL, and grandchildren?
You came to the right place for information and support. Waddams posted some great links that will probably be helpful to you. This article may also help you to understand where your grandchildren are at:
How a Mother with Borderline Personality Disorder Affects Her ChildrenKeep posting and sharing. We're here for you, and I know you will fit in here. Sending you lots of caring and support.