Sort of a no-win situation.
Grrrr!
This about sums it up Sparky
If you respond using SET (sympathy, empathy, truth) tools, something like this would be appropriate.
"Thank you for reaching out, I know you mean well.
Right now, I need some need some time to myself to heal."
Ultimately, she likely will be mad as it does push the abandonment button and you may receive an angry text/email. But you will be clarifying your boundary the best possible way - no blame to her, stating your needs.
Hang in there,
SB
I used SET and in those similar words. I was overwhelmed with all kinds of emotions and it made things worse that my ex abruptly ended our relationship days after he professed all kinds of love for me. The SET seemed to make my ex very angry. As tho he felt who are you to control this situation I created and not talk to me? I believe he wanted me to throw myself at him. I didn't and used SET. About a month into LC I received the rage antics and hot and cold. It was like he had a huge grudge against me for saying I needed time away to think. A grudge against me after HE had morphed into a complete stranger and suddenly ended the relationship with reasoning that we shouldn't have gotten so emotionally attached and that he needed to clear his conscience? It was as tho he neglected to see how I could react the way I did after his own cold behavior.
I began to feel worse and thought maybe communicating and talking things thru would make a difference in getting along. Nope. It was too late. He was still angry. Probably at himself more than me but all the showers of black paint came flying. For 2 months I tried but I kept getting the hot and cold. There were many incidents where he'd make comments like "Thanks for the food you brought in. Mines isn't laced with poison is it?" and he'd laugh like he was joking but I felt offended. After several times of him saying these kinda comments I finally asked him WHY he thought that way and he said because I'm upset at him. I asked "WHY would I be upset at you?". He replied, " I don't know". Ugh! SERIOUSLY? Anyway, I didn't react and just carried on because it wasn't worth it.
When I finally got sick of being his emotional punching bag, I told him that this friendship or whatever this is isn't working out because if he really did care about me and valued me he wouldn't be treating me like crap. I told him I couldn't handle it and felt he didn't truly respect me and that I lost trust in someone I thought I saw something good in. He of course tried to defend and rage and deflect and project. He tried to turn it around on me and say if I cared about him and was his friend that I'd be happy for him. Uuhhhh... . How can I be happy for someone who sacrafices his companion, confidant, lover, best friend and s/o just to make himself feel better and not give a rats behind about me? I understand people have fears but throwing someone you love under the bus because you don't want to face those fears? Sickening.
I stopped texting. I stopped going up to him to see how he was doing. I stopped asking him how the kids are. I stopped engaging in personal conversation. I stopped all the normal things I do. There became a point where I felt like I didn't deserve to be treated like an option or convenience and don't deserve to be treated so horribly for three months while I was trying to be supportive and understanding of him and his issues. I realized the problem laid/lays within himself. I'm not perfect and have reflected on my part in everything. He needs to address his fears, guilt, and shame. He knows it exists but he needs to get help for it and WANT to fix it. He needs to do this on his own.
Yours sounds like a No win situation but I'd lean more to doing what you feel is best for YOU. She may not like it that you don't respond but IT'S OK. She will probably feel rejected and angry or sad but you need to focus on what you need in order to have peace. Consequences and boundaries... .
