YEy so far so good

[Wanda]

Well my husband made it to hotel tomorrow starts his orientation, he seems calm and ok with things

we even talked about get this... . , go to one checking account. use to be we both have our names on accounts but each of us handles certain accounts he would pay half the bills and i would pay half.

my husband for years thought it was best since my kids were young, now they are all grown up and just us.but there were alot of transfers drove me nuts but it worked so for 15 years that is what we did instead of one account.  now he is wanting to go with one account... . big change for him... . letting me handle the account i usually do alot of bill paying he would write checks he told me tonight i would just pay all the  bills from the account i think he doesn't want to deal with it anymore due to the hours he would  be working... . Wow ! now talk about change... . but doing this i can get rid of maybe two accounts .



 

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[eeyore]

   Sounds like by having one account it simplifies things for both of you.  He knows you will pay the bills.  I'd suggest that you get the history on the old accounts that he took care of and make a check list of the bills to make sure none get forgotten because it's not something you are used to. 

Good luck with his new work schedule that might be stressful for him... . I hope not though. 

[Wanda]

 THanks Eeyore

nice to hear from you been a while,

i am not worried a bout his account we do alot of online banking so i know where he is at ,and what bills he paid he was very open about that.

his account is better then mine and he has been unemployed for three months he never did pay alot of bills from his account due to they were big bills that he would pay.

HE hated dealing with his stuff. i did alot of transfers to his account and from his account so i was very involved. just a big hassle but i did this due to it worked.  he hardly spent any more then his allowance just on his bills he was very so a tight wad if you call it.  

i did the transfers because he also isn't computer smart. only problem with all this will be he is to the penny i am not i am lucky to be close and i don't stress to find the mistake.if he lets me handle all this so he doesn't stress he has to let me do this my way, and he agreed after 15 years he knows i do things differntly then he does.

[Wanda]

WEll end of his first day at orientation... .

so far so good he is of coarse over whelmed due to being old school, and everything he has to do is on line... . lucky for him he used some computer skills appling for jobs.  he gave me his number and password so i can help him from afar well . I am surprised he hasn't been so overwhelmed that he left.  I couldn't do much from here he will have to do most from there.    it is dealing with his direct deposit. I did go to my work to start putting my direct deposit into his account. so we will have one having two accounts was a pain i felt like it was me that was doing all the work, due to alot of transfers back and forth,. Well one day down three more to go. i beleive tomorrow is mostly just training for his trucking job easier then today. I tell you when the phone rings and i see it is him i worry due to i know he is taking alot in to fast.   well as i typed this my husband calls he wants to quit due to taking on to much... . he wants to come home making any excuse he can,, now what do i just listen to him hoping he doesn't come home, or do i tell him he has to stay, he is over whelmed and being pushed to much... .

[Grey Kitty]

  Haven't seen you 'round here for a while! I hope that means things were mostly going pretty well

Juggling two joint accounts does sound much worse than having one joint account. Small victories!

I've seen plenty of stories where individual accounts for the non's protection are called for. It doesn't sound like this is your issue

[Wanda]

HEllo grey kitty,

Things for the most part are going well, i am on here alot due to my husband and taking this new job with abandonment issues, he is in another state for training for one week. boy abandonment has been hard for him he calls me all the time wanting to come home, 14 years ago he did exactly this. i finally told him tonight he is making excuses up wich he is and he needs to stay to much to fast is whats happening.  but he has been unemployed for three and a half months time to work we have no money.THe day jobs are not good jobs so he turns them down.he is driving me nut and making me a nervous wreak. that's why i shut all phones off i plan to do this when he works nights also.

I basically yea would handle two accounts with all the transfers i did from one account to another he hates to pay bills so he would just pay me and i would pay them well that is where the transferring would come in. he is to the penny on his accounts.  hardly ever spends any money am not on the penny with accounts. he said i can just take care of this account i figure if he trys to hold it against me and we argue over it i can always go to work and have  my direct deposit transferred again into another account. seems like it doesn,t take long. i have turned off my cell and the home phone due to all his calling and wanting to argue about comming home.The job isn't bad he works 9pm till 5 am not bad i think he can do this he did this all the time before .just that he has BPD... . and his alcohol thinking even though recoverd from drinking 25 years  

[Wanda]

Well end of Day two of orientation... .

HE is alot better, not driving me crazy with wanting to come home. he now says he plans to look for another job, i just am like that is fine and when something better comes alone I,d take it. now he says he might have to stay till friday. i am like ok for me i am on vacation yey! it  has been nice no hubby or kids for a week. and hubby talking alot calmer and got through alot of his abandonment issues. so now we are back to saying so far so good... .  

oh want to hear a funny the horn honks i am like oh no he didn't stay and wants in the garage i parked knowing he is gone and he would need me to move ,

i went to check it out and my granddaughter gives me a guilty look she pushed the car lock button so my car honked talk about nervous wreak.

[Wanda]

Well today is hump day... . and I think he is fine so much calmer about things, This has been one hell of a week. although no kids no husband i am enjoying this just fine... .

Husbands anxiety about things are better also.

   I never see that BPD rear its head till i deal with this... .

[Wanda]

Well it is the end of the week, and  he made it through plans to come home tomorrow.

HE still says he is getting out of the company, but i think once starts it and is actually home he will be ok.   HE does well now at keeping a job till something better comes along. 

I have enjoyed my week but yet it was stressful dealing with my husband, but each day got better.

i am sure the money will keep him at this company. if he finds something better I don't care.

   I am just glad he has a job... . thanks for listening to me. I still will be on here alot due to once he is home and he is working nights i am sure he won't like this. and will complain for the first few weeks.

also saturday we go to compine to one checking he already knows i have done alot to our accounts lots of changes ahead . and he isn't good with changes.   so hope he doesn't start disregulating. oh how i love this wonderful disease call BPD 

[eeyore]

sounds like you did a great job at handling yourself.  I hope you both have a nice weekend to relax and he feels happy at home.   I'm sure he's nervous and easy to dysregulate.  Thanks for posting and letting us know how you are doing. 

[Wanda]

   eeyore

hope you are doing well also, things here are fine still some nerves shot but doing ok... .

My husband keeps saying he plans to look for another job when really there is nothing wrong with this one, just his BPD talking. so touch and go for a while on the bright side we went to day to close my account and now we have all our money pulled into one, and i do all the bill paying and he is ok with this. HE doesn't like stressing over this anyway. 

HElps me because now i deal with one account instead of two and doing alot of transfers.