Possible Diagnoses?

[Mike76]

I recently came across something that my uBPDw was reading about living with BPD.

I know she has had some homework with her individual T also (I am guess they are connected)

During our 5 years of marriage we have never once uttered the words BPD or any other mental illness.

My wife said she wants to talk to me about something after her next T, but she need to prepare.

Assuming it is "My T thinks I have BPD?"... .

How do you respond? Without saying  "Yes... . I know you do I have been working reading about it for 2 years"

should I say

"I am happy working with you T you were to get some place I do understand a little about it?"

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[charred]

Not sure what your response should be... . but if she is a pwBPD... . be prepared for her to say you are BPD or NPD.

They are not always real honest with their T's... . my exBPDgf told me I was NPD, and that her T said she was loving and caring and sent her off to read "Women who love too much." 

My exBPDgf was very Jodi Arias like... . and had been diagnosed as BPD years earlier... . her own family mentioned it to me... . so don't be shocked if you hear nothing or its not her that has the problem somehow.

[Wanda]

 Don,t let her know you have known because it  could upset her... .

just say ok? and you will be there to help her all she needs, and ask her how does she feel about all this information be supportive, of her feelings. validate her alot.

THen hope she goes on with the treatment, if she backs out again all you can do is be supportive and take care of you... .  

[Mike76]

One fear I have is she is going to blame BPD and not her, but  I am hopping that is not the case.  I do know she is very uneducated on BPD she did not learn about it herself.  It would only be the T that told her about it.

The earliest she will talk to me about this is Tuesday late evening... . We have a MC appointment Thursday after work.   

No matter what she says, I may just validate and the 48 hours later in MC I will be able to share my feelings with the MC present.  I am pretty sure the MC is on my side.  At the last session the MC said she we not do much until more individual T takes place.  I asked what should I be working on and the MC said be more assertive and confidant of your wishes and feelings. 

Your T and MC have spoken to each other,  my wife was the MC to talk to my T and the MC said there is not reason to at this time. 

[Wrongturn1]

That would be great if your uBPDw brought up the subject of her having BPD b/c it would mean she might be on the way to getting better.  Responding along the lines of "you definitely have BPD" would come across as invalidating and would be a step in the wrong direction. 

My uBPDw, although not in therapy, has periods of time where she is very lucid and introspective, and I think occasionally realizes her behaviors are not normal, so I have mentally prepared a general script for what I will say if she asks me about BPD someday, and it looks something like this:

Her: "I've been researching, and I think I might be suffering from BPD."

Me: "BPD - what does that mean? Boston Police Department?  Please tell me more."

Her: "Borderline Personality Disorder.  Emotional dysregulation, fears of abandonent, etc., etc."

Me: "Well I love your personality.  A lot of those symptoms do sound familiar though.  I think it would be worthwhile to talk to a professional who has experience dealing with BPD."

Her: "I don't like the sound of that - I've already told you I won't lie on a couch and talk to a therapist about my insecurities."

Me: "[googling BPD treatment] Hey, cool - there's a proven treatment option for this condition called DBT.  It focuses on skills training instead of getting psychoanalzed while on a couch.  Oh, and look, there are a couple of DBT centers near where we live."

Her: "I don't know... . I have to take care of our kids, and I wouldn't be able to take a class."

Me: "With D5 about to start kindergarten, it could be the perfect time to start - maybe there are programs available during the day.  I'll support you any way I can - I would be glad to run home from work to keep the kids while you're at class, that's no problem."

Her: "Well maybe... . "

Me: "This could be a great opportunity to choose to take steps to feel better.  I support you 100%."

I doubt it would actually go this well, but I like to be prepared.  Please keep us posted about what happens.

[iluminati]

There are two ways that this info could be taken.  One is that she could have been just diagnosed with BPD, and her therapist is more or less reading you the riot as to what the deal is.  Use Occam's Razor here for best results.

The other is that you may have been diagnosed with BPD yourself.  At this point, you may need to speak to a mental health professional.  Personally, I would take advantage.  The obvious reason is to clear your name.  That said, dealing with someone with BPD is a job in and of itself.  Perhaps you could use the help to clean up your side of the street.  That said, the therapy is your choice.