Question. When they move their stuff out

[Trick1004]

I've noticed since my ex moved out that she left some of her things here and also took some of my things. None of these things are major and I am more than happy to let them go.

I gave her several weeks where she could move as long as she did it while I was at work. During the three or so weeks she was moving she kept wanting to meet me to talk about moving after I got off work to which I just responded "do whatever you have to do with moving, but make sure you are gone when I get home from work."

I guess most perplexing to me is she took all the pillows, bedside table, and lamp from her side of the bed but left all her blankets, like she was doing whatever she could to make sure to make it hard for me to sleep with other women (I am nowhere near close to getting involved with anyone else).

Anyone notice anything similar when their ex moved out?

[danley]

My ex was transitioning from his/wife house to his own place. So he had kept a few boxes at my place. Just some DVDs and tools, toiletries, and clothes. When he broke up with me he contacted me a few weeks later to collect some of his stuff. I don't know why he didn't just take it all but whatever.  He wanted to leave some of the DVDs for me and the others stuff he said he'd get later. I think his intentions however was to drop off the key he had to my place. The key was a symbol of connection.

He didn't take anything of mine. I had a spare key to his car. A few weeks ago, he asked if I had it and I told him yes and I'd dig around for it in my cabinet. He said no and to keep it. I wanted to ask him when he was going to get his other stuff but decided to let him take it when he wants. It's just minor items but have meaning to him and I. These items have been pushed to the corner and out of sight.

[jollygreen]

Hey Trick, Yes very similar situation haha.  She left our really nice bed spread which she picked out.  A lot of little things, nick nacks of sorts, her invisiline retainer.  She took all of the towels. She left a lot of clothes.  She took all the pots and pans, vacuum, but left me the fancy coffee maker.  She has my expensive Ipad accessory, and my ring that I gave her to be romantic. 'And she said I wasn't romantic in the end,' ... .   She did some other weird things too.  Let me know if she did anything similar.  She went onto my computer and put the exact background up that I had before I met her (she would change it to something lovey dovey every week when we were together).  Also she had issues with my mom, so she took a very relationship important picture of us and replaced it with a picture my mom gave me and put in the frame.  Weeks later I discovered that my ex left the relationship important picture in the frame tucked behind my moms picture (WIEEEERDDDD)... .   Also she took every single picture and frame of us in our place, besides the hidden one above.  I thought that was weird, I talked to my aunt who has some possible BPD stuff going on with her.  She said she did that (took all the pictures) to her exes so that they couldn't be given the luxury to see her ever again.  Great, thanks aunt!

Anyways, I will not be telling my ex about the stuff she left.  I will not answer her calls or texts.  I will not reach out for my stuff back either. No contact Booyah!

Thanks Trick, hope you can relate.  Interested to see if you came across any weirdness.

Jolly

[Trick1004]

Jollygreen,

Thanks for responding. She took all the pots and pans and most of the knives we used for making dinner. She did leave the cast iron pan that was mine that she always hated me cooking on "because it was dirty", never could convince her about cast iron. Left a lot of her furniture, but did take all the towels and extra bed pillows.

She also took her sweet time moving out, everyday when I came home from work there would be one or two items gone. It sucked watching that happen, but I think it was her way of saying "i'm leaving, are you going to try and stop me?"

I could go on and on. But it really seems like she tried to take everything of hers that would inconvenience me while leaving all the odds and ends that would remind me of her.

I haven't done a deep clean of the house yet but when I do, I fully expect to unearth a letter or something she left behind to me after the breakup.

Glad to know you've experienced it too.

[Reg]

Trick,

I'm quite convinced that there's a strategy behind all this, the hope that you will take contact again with them to ask for what was yours, and what they leave behind is another reason for thermselves to take contact again to get these things back and see you.

Been there, and when she actually had nothing left of her stuff here, because I personally dropped it of at her house without any contact, she later contacted me again for some clothing that I was supposed to have.  As her memory tricks never really worked on me, I told her that I had looked (I didn't), didn't have it and told her where it was supposed to be in her house.

Minutes later, she 'found' them back but to her saying on an other location.  Whatever.  I told her that she should no longer try to find such an excuse to take contact and didn't respond to the rest of her reactions any more.  Which became very frustrated and accusive.  Don't run into their traps !

Reg

[danley]

Leaving stuff behind is probably a means to have a connection or reason to return. I also think that they put thought into what they leave behind or what they take. But what I wanna know is what's up with the pillows?  That's two of you who had their ex take pillows. And towels? If I were the one packing, I'd take everything of mine. I'd leave behind things that I had no space for. That's just me tho.

Now what about gifts or things that you bought together? Did they leave all those gifts behind too? What about purchases you made together?

[ObiRedKenobi]

I left my BPDex and it was a situation where I felt like I had to get out and right then. I grabbed a few items that I felt couldn't be replaced and counted everything else as lost. Well she's supposed to be out of my house next weekend so its going to be interesting to see whats left.

[Trick1004]

Danley,

The pillows and towels I just don't get, especially since she was moving back to her parents house (or at least that's what she told me).

The only way I can understand the pillows and towels is she was taking those things to soothe herself that I wouldn't be able to move on with someone else. If I think about in the context of her having the emotional development of a child I can kind of wrap my mind around it. "If I take the pillows and towels, no one will want to be here and Trick won't be able to start a new relationship". Of course this ignores the fact that these are easily replaced, but like I said might make sense to an emotional child.

I think a lot of the other things she left was as a reminder of her and likewise a lot of what she took of mine was to inconvenience me that "look I'm gone, how are you going to get by?". Well, I somehow survived for 10 years on my own before I met her and I think I am still capable of doing that again  .

I have few possessions that I truly care about and for the most part she left those alone but a lot of minor stuff of mine disappeared. She did leave a large picture of the blind monks touching different parts of the elephant and having a different understanding of God that I got for her birthday. And also an inflatable boat with a sail that her dad gave to us. I could see her trying to get those back.

But like Reg said I think it her way of trying to remain in contact, while she was moving out she kept saying "if you think I've taken anything of yours or left anything of mine behind let me know" (this was over a three week period). Well none of it means much to me and it's nothing I can't replace at Wal-Mart.

I just find it odd looking around the place at the stuff she took and left behind when she was so adamant about leaving. Like something a kid would do running away from home waiting to see if the parents would call her bluff or not.

[Reg]

Trick,

I think you said something very interesting in your last line.  In a way they are emotional still kids... .

So that might just be part of the problem.

Reg

[VeryFree]

But what I wanna know is what's up with the pillows?  That's two of you who had their ex take pillows.

Interesting question. When I was leaving the house she didn't let me take my own pillow. 

Looking back I still don't understand that (besides the possibility that this was just trying to control me).

[Trick1004]

Reg,

The other thing that gets me is it took her a good three weeks to move out. She did a good job of tying our place together with some of her furniture and decorations, I've never cared much for that. But everyday I came home from work one or two things of hers would be gone and boxes would be strewn around the place. It hurt for the first few days, but then I started wondering what would be gone next on my drive home from work.

Ya, when it was all said and done it felt like a little kid threatening to run away from home wanting me to stop it.

[Reg]

Trick,

They are, she was trying to convince you to stop her.  As we all know, or learn to understand, it is part of their behavior.

If we read all the stories here, they are all the same, just variants on a same theme... . that is, in most of the cases... .

Mine came living with me, ten days long, everything was ok, no problems, I came home and I saw that she and her daughter had moved out.  Not a word, just a little note, that she was sorry to have done it this way... .

Afterwards I saw she had left several small things, it was a reason to contact me again and within days, it was because she had missed her mom and vice versa (yeah 55 miles is so terribly far away) and she had moved out this way, without saying a thing, because she was afraid I would do something to her, a typical paranoia reaction, which wasn't her idea later but came from her mom, who did deny this later to me... .

They want to leave you, they want to hurt you, and at the same time I think they know that they don't really want to leave you, as they are afraid to be left or to leave someone.

It is a bloody hell in that brain for them and the ones who love them... .

Reg

[causticdork]

I packed up all her stuff for her.  And I was thorough!  Anything she brought over, things we bought together (meaning she helped pick them out, since she was unemployed and never paid for anything), and any gifts I bought her were all boxed up and ready to go.  All she had to do was move the boxes to her car, which still took her several trips over a couple months, despite having a large SUV and not a lot of possessions.  We still have some contact (trying to be friends) and every time she comes over she leaves something behind.  Every single time.  We hung out last week and she left behind a bracelet I made her and her cell phone charger.

She also took a lot of weird things that belonged to me.  Like over half of my socks, which I replaced because it's so not worth having that confrontation over some socks.  She took a light that belonged to my roommate that I had to confront her about, and she acted really surprised that I would have a problem with her taking something that we weren't using anyway. I told her it didn't matter if it was being used.  It wasn't hers and therefor she shouldn't have taken it without asking.  This concept seemed foreign to her.  They really are like small children. 

Anyway, she currently has a bunch of my socks, roughly a dozen of my shirts, and some random household stuff that's easy to replace.  I'm not going to stress over any of it.  It's all easy to replace.