Missing my child

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

Does anyone ever think about going back because they miss seeing their kids every day? Today was my little girl's 3rd birthday. She is with her mom for 2 more days and has been for 3 already. I did get to see her for about an hour, but when I left it was the most heart wrenching thing. She was so sad she just detached and ignored me when I left because she kept wanting me to stay for a few minutes to play with her and her mom so we were all together, and her mom refused to let me. She had given me 45 minutes and it was 50 minutes and it was time to go. That right there should tell me the insanity of the situation and yet I miss my daughter so much and it sucks so bad it is like I am willing to forget the pain in order to see her and not see her in pain like that. Not seeing her every day, wanting to be there to kiss her good night or see her first thing in the morning on her birthday sucks so bad. I am alone in these thoughts? I don't even know if this is the right board to post this on I just feel crappy tonight.

[thisyoungdad]

Does anyone ever think about going back because they miss seeing their kids every day? Today was my little girl's 3rd birthday. She is with her mom for 2 more days and has been for 3 already. I did get to see her for about an hour, but when I left it was the most heart wrenching thing. She was so sad she just detached and ignored me when I left because she kept wanting me to stay for a few minutes to play with her and her mom so we were all together, and her mom refused to let me. She had given me 45 minutes and it was 50 minutes and it was time to go. That right there should tell me the insanity of the situation and yet I miss my daughter so much and it sucks so bad it is like I am willing to forget the pain in order to see her and not see her in pain like that. Not seeing her every day, wanting to be there to kiss her good night or see her first thing in the morning on her birthday sucks so bad. I am alone in these thoughts? I don't even know if this is the right board to post this on I just feel crappy tonight.

[Want2know]

That's a hard one, youngdad.  

I understand your thoughts, and there are a lot of folks on our Staying board that do remain in their relationships because of the children.  It's a difficult road.

My personal opinion is that with you living separately from your ex wife, and hopefully having a safe healthy environment for her to visit is going to be a haven in her world.  It will give her the opportunity to be removed from her more chaotic surroundings, and not be around 2 people (mom and dad) in a dysfunctional relationship who are supposed to be their role models of what a relationship is, and be able to form more healthy relationships for herself in the future.

[Validation78]

Hi thisyoungdad!

My heart goes out to you! I'm sure that this is very hard for you. You know that even though it's hard, it's for the greater good.

Make the most of every moment with your daughter. You may not get a lot of time with her, so make the memories that will last. She will grow up some day, and know that you love her. Think of ways to make your time special, not by giving her everything she wants, but everything she needs. A father who loves her unconditionally, supports her in her every endeavor, lets her know that she is the most important thing in his life. These are the things that children remember!

Best Wishes,

Val78

[ObiRedKenobi]

I know thats got to be the hardest thing you've ever faced. Its not the same but here is my experience for what its worth.

My ex's kids weren't mine. But I loved them to death enough that I would almost want to go back just for them. Part of why I stayed as long as I did was because of them. But I think about it and I remember all the fighting and it was just not a good environment. We found out that they would talk about how they hated to see us fight and we promised not to fight with each other. Unfortunately just wanting not to fight with a BPD isn't enough to keep it from happening.