Hi, cpatlew
You can post this question here, or over on the
[L5] Coping and Healing from a BPD Parent, Sibling, or Inlaw Board (I do know that you are active over there, too). What I have found is that whether you are dealing with your own child or the spouse of your child, the techniques and communication tools that we use are all the same. Though I came over to this site to learn how to help and deal with my dBPDs36, I've come to find that it is helping me also to have a better relationship with my own uBPDdil. I go back and forth between this Board and the Healing Board, and both have wonderful insights and advice and support... .
Have you read any of these Articles? Maybe something here will help:
Supporting a Loved-one with Borderline Personality DisorderHow To Manage a BPD Relationship/Reducing Anger Using SETCommunication tools (SET, PUVAS, DEARMAN)I can't remember... . Have you read "Overcoming Borderline Personality Disorder" by Valerie Porr? It's mostly for family members of pwBPD, and it is extensive and really very helpful. I've been reading and re-reading it for the last few weeks, and referring to it when I am confused with how to deal with my BPD loved ones. I really recommend it to everyone! What books have you read? I know that dealing with your BPDdil is really difficult; it was hard for me, too at first... . But I gotta say, since I've learned all about how and why she thinks and acts the way she does, it has become
really easier for me now, and our relationship is so much better. I realized that until I changed the way I understood and communicated with
her (and really every other pwBPD in my life), nothing would get better. Now that I changed the way I talk and act with her, she has changed the way she relates to me. It's really getting better and easier... .