Am i doing the right thing? Please advise

[amiright]

Been reading on here for support for months, so thats why I jumped right to this board. Basically un diagnosed BPDgf, BUT is aware that she has had a condition with her mind for a long time. Her main problem is bouts of rage over anything that I do not validate. A rage can be set off over politics, over opinions on raising a family etc. One recent one was a comment I made about badminton and about being silly. THATS IT. Well I received some bruises for that one... . yes she can turn physically violent in her rages. Other main issue is that she hates I have a daughter. Ok I get it, some people have an issue with that... . but not to the point where almost EVERYDAY ( i exaggerate not) she will tell me how much she hopes my daughter dies, and other insanely vicious things. After a bout of rage, whether all verbal or physical, she doesnt like to talk about it and tell me to get over it. If I insist on addressing the fact that I am in emotional pain (sometimes physical too) She will get nasty that I am making things worse... . for HER? Her mind cant handle my "complaining". She will do things once in a while, like buy me something, but there is never any kindness, never any compassion. I feel sick... . I feel less then a human being. I tell her that all the time and its like she is deaf... . doesnt even acknowledge my concerns. I use to be such a happy care free spirit... . now I have anxiety and fear of her triggers all the time.

So after her storming out of a restaurant the other night on me and then screaming at me back at home, all because I said I did not want to hear her nasty mouth about my daughter at dinner. As usual she grabbed some of my hit and told me to get out. This time I did... .

Grabbed all my hit and was out of there with her screaming at me. The last few days have been a mixture of her txting me nasty things about, my daughter, and that I left to defend her over my gf? SHE TOLD ME TO GET OUT! Now I am the one who left? I finally caved to posting here because I need strength, because now today she is txting me all morning that I am just leaving her... . that I am so cruel to do so... . I should want to stand by her?

We have been together 15 months... . there were a few good times, strong sexual connection. In the last 8 years she has never been more then two weeks without a BF and she only had 4! Meaning they were all long term things... .

[Surnia]

 

amiright

Great you found the courage to post and tell us your story after reading "only" some time here. So sorry to hear about your very difficult relationship.

Physical violence is something which no one should endure. 

The ongoing expressed hate for your daughter is a clear sign about her mental problem.

I think it is really time for you to think about your boundaries and values.

Workshop - US: Physically abusive relationships: Are you in one?

Please stay tuned, amiright. We can support you.

Surnia

[pk]

So sorry Amiright that you have been having to go thru this.  Surely there must be a life without Drama for us partners of BPDs but I often wonder.  I hope you can find peace and not let her wrap you up in her drama anymore.