Loving what is...

[Fay]

Hi,

I read some of the post and to tell you "my truth" it is exhausting.  I have realized in life BPD or NO BPD.  Truth changes but facts don't. So, what is true for me may not be true for you.  "We are doing the best we can"  The guy that cut me off on the freeway, the person on the phone that screwed up my bill, the friend that said something mean to me, my DD, and me.  Just do'en the best we can. 

My dd is coming to stay with me for awhile.  I am scared to death.   Breakup with long time bf.  She is having a hard time. 

I know she is listening to me... . ahhh even if she gets angry.  This is how I know: She found a room to rent.  But the landlord insisted he have the deposit right now on Sunday.  NO verification of job ect... . I have learned in life if someone wants something really fast I slow down.  I take my time. The times I have felt hurried because someone wants it now has turned out shall I say another lesson for me to learn!   when I brought this up to my dd she of course blew up on the phone and hung up.  Text mess me blah blah.  However,  she wanted me to meet this man and see the place she would be living at... . She said, "she wants people to know she has someone that loves her." The landlord told me my dd mentioned to him my concern of not verifying her info.  He gave an explanations that still didn't sit well. However, my dd was listening.  A few days later she called me "stressed out"  The place was actually more than she could afford.  She let it go.  Feeling like a failure again.  I am letting her come live with me for a few months.  My fear... . egads.  Being able to validate what is true for her.  Being blamed for a "her truth".  I am going to get the book that has been recommended.  Overcoming BPD.  Taking a refresher course of BPD. In the meantime, I will also continue to read "Loving What is" by Byron Katie.  Not an easy read and sometimes I am taken back. But in the end it makes sense. Yet again another book NOT about BPD.  The books I recommend are about changing me not the BPD. This is by no means easy for anyone and as I said, we are doing the best we can. 

Thanks for listening,

Fay

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[jellibeans]

Fay I say that to myself daily... . we are all doing the best we can... . take care and read those books... . being prepared for her stay is key.  

[Rapt Reader]

Good luck, Fay   

It sounds stressful, but at least you will know she is safe... . I agree with jellibeans: keep reading your books. And try to stay centered; you can't help her or be there for her or be validating if you aren't there for and helping yourself. This can work; you read that on this site all the time. In fact, it may work out better than you even anticipate 

   Rapt Reader

[vivekananda]

Hi Fay,

It is hard to sit by and let our 'children' make their mistakes. It sounds to me like you are doing a really good job. I am glad you are letting her stay with you for a while and I hope it isn't too much. It may be a time to revisit your values based boundaries:

BOUNDARIES: Upholding our values and independence

The books I recommend are about changing me not the BPD.

You are wise. You understand this so well. I expect that like me, you might find this a challenge from time to time though. If we can have a relationship with our 'children' and can model the behaviour that is helpful, then we are doing well no?

keep us in touch ok? When does she return?

Vivek      

[twojaybirds]

Fay, you sound reflective, loving and strong.   Yes, we all keep trying and you are doing a great job.

Be strong and true to yourself!

2JB

[Fay]

Thanks again for the support.  My dd was coming tonight, well maybe tomorrow... . She is holding out as long as she can... . It is o.k.  I do not have expectations of how this will all go. I am just going along with it.  Helped her move over the weekend and again today.  The rest is for her to do.     

Loving what is... .

Fay