She e-mailed me, what should I do?

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

Hey guys!

I ask you for advice. I'm slowly moving along in the healing process. I've detached from my ex bc things were just getting unbearable. I want to move on. I've made a profile on ok cupid, I really want to move forward. I have absolutely no hate towards my ex. I want to see her succeed and be well, I know that she is in a lot of pain, and I hope she feels better.

Just now, my ex just e-mailed me and said: "I'm so sad I can't do this I really hate life."

Don't get me wrong, I want to move forward, I don't want to be part of the madness she has put me through. I don't want to have to fight with her on the side of the freeway and attempt to keep her from jumping under a car and deal with other suicide threats.

But if I don't respond I'm afraid I'll feel guilty, like I havent helped a human being in need.

So what should I do? I want to say something encouraging, but I'm afraid of getting sucked back into the madness. Any advice would be greatly appreciated... .

[cska]

Hey guys!

I ask you for advice. I'm slowly moving along in the healing process. I've detached from my ex bc things were just getting unbearable. I want to move on. I've made a profile on ok cupid, I really want to move forward. I have absolutely no hate towards my ex. I want to see her succeed and be well, I know that she is in a lot of pain, and I hope she feels better.

Just now, my ex just e-mailed me and said: "I'm so sad I can't do this I really hate life."

Don't get me wrong, I want to move forward, I don't want to be part of the madness she has put me through. I don't want to have to fight with her on the side of the freeway and attempt to keep her from jumping under a car and deal with other suicide threats.

But if I don't respond I'm afraid I'll feel guilty, like I havent helped a human being in need.

So what should I do? I want to say something encouraging, but I'm afraid of getting sucked back into the madness. Any advice would be greatly appreciated... .

[papawapa]

delete it.

[Cooper10]

I agree, delete.  As you've identified, that's healthiest for you.  I think the only thing you need to be concerned with is your own well-being. 

Because I am painfully familiar with the compulsion to "help," though, I will add that it used to help me to remember that for me to respond to an email/text, etc--even with something uplifting or encouraging--was actually not best for my ex either.  No matter what I said, my words would not have the soothing or helpful effect I intended because the contact was never about what I would say in response--it was just a nudge to determine whether I was still there.  To respond perpetuates the cycle and enables the behavior, thereby potentially serving as an obstacle to your ex's recovery.  If she can always revert back to baiting you and get what she wants, even if it's something small or temporarily, she will not have any incentive to search for that fulfillment elsewhere.  You cannot fill her void or heal her hurt, and if you stop trying, the onus will be on her to seek that in another form--maybe that will be in a healthy form and maybe it won't.  But in any event, what she does is not your concern.  Your main concern should be to make the best choice for yourself. 

[ObiRedKenobi]

I would suggest that you don't get in touch. I can't count how many times I've been contacted and things seemed harmless asking for advice only to figure out she didn't want advice just to see if she could still pull my strings.

[Clearmind]

Don’t reply - delete - block

This an attempt at her wanting you to save her - you would be doing you and her a great dis-service if you begin to save. Your saving days need to be behind you - when you can answer this question yourself my friend - you have reached the land of detachment. Until then protect yourself.

[FogLight]

Everyone else who responded has already summed it up.  With that said, good job on moving forward, no sense in looking back now.