My role in the triggers...

[Depression = 72% of members]

So I have moved to this board for now as my BPD spouse and I have made it through a few weeks now without a recycle. We are now in counseling, although she is using it as a tool to further manipulate. The bottom line to this deal is money. To calm the waters in the beginning of this go around (back together in April after a 2.5 year separation) she was pretty deep in debt as usual. The difference was this time is was surrounding our daughters medical needs, she is 2. Needless to say I agreed to pay for things that I shouldn't have. Now its a daily blow up, not because I do want to, I currently just cant pay these bills. They are totaling around 4k. To add even more to this she has the money to pay them. She is owed about 50k from her late fathers estate that he brother refuses to give her. She refuses to file enforcement action against the brother to get her money because her family is the other side of this triangle.

In the end money is a huge trigger for her. Right now I cant seem to stop making promises I cant keep to stop the madness for even short times. I see I am enabling the whole cycle. I know what must change, just needing to vent... .

[duncanville1]

So I have moved to this board for now as my BPD spouse and I have made it through a few weeks now without a recycle. We are now in counseling, although she is using it as a tool to further manipulate. The bottom line to this deal is money. To calm the waters in the beginning of this go around (back together in April after a 2.5 year separation) she was pretty deep in debt as usual. The difference was this time is was surrounding our daughters medical needs, she is 2. Needless to say I agreed to pay for things that I shouldn't have. Now its a daily blow up, not because I do want to, I currently just cant pay these bills. They are totaling around 4k. To add even more to this she has the money to pay them. She is owed about 50k from her late fathers estate that he brother refuses to give her. She refuses to file enforcement action against the brother to get her money because her family is the other side of this triangle.

In the end money is a huge trigger for her. Right now I cant seem to stop making promises I cant keep to stop the madness for even short times. I see I am enabling the whole cycle. I know what must change, just needing to vent... .

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[briefcase]

Money issues are always tough and I feel for you on this one.  You can only do what you can do, you aren't made of money.  You know what you need to do - stop making promises you can't keep.  It's better for you and her to just be up front about your ability to pay the bills.  Easier said than done - I know.

[DreamFlyer99]

Duncanville, I feel for ya--sounds like a tough place to be. That's a situation I can't even quite imagine being in! And it is definitely tough to act on what we KNOW to be true and right once we've gotten into the rodeo in a bad way (making promises you can't keep, etc. when the pwBPD wants you to fix it, etc.)

It's hard to disengage from the rodeo, boy do I know this one. Know you have support here on this site!

DreamFlyer99