I've been a user of these boards for some time now, although I'm more the type that reads & learns from other members posts & don't really say much myself.
We all know that the people with BPD move on quickly, often before the end of the preceding relationship, and don't seem to look back as they leave us in their wake in a broken & confused heap. On the surface (and possibly below also) it seems very cold & we struggle to comprehend such a lacking of empathy.
It's a much much talked about issue on these boards but I've come to wonder what experiences other members have had, when after the break up & subsequent 'healing time' they themselves have moved on?
How do the exBPD's take the news that they've been replaced & we now give our affections to someone who doesn't abuse us? My personal experience was that my ex was a huge control freak & I for one, am expecting great problems when i move on with someone else, and hoping that new person will be very understanding of my past possibly sneaking up behind us!
Is it common to have trouble from the BPDex when they learn they're not needed anymore?
This question often gets asked a lot on here when we are still deeply attached to them and their feelings. Our minds can often get caught up in the tit for tat game of "what if the shoe were on the other foot?"
Unfortunately... . (and this is good) most of us on here are not mentally ill. Therefore it would be truly difficult for us to instantly replace a person whom we really loved by painting them black. When we are healthy we mourn and grieve the relationships and reflect on what worked and didn't work.
Our BPD's cannot do this because they're mentally ill.
What we really want to know is do they care, do they get jealous and do their insecurities get stirred up. We want to know if dating others hurts them as much as their betrayal of us hurt us.
I think if we abandon them cruelly and move on with another person like they often do us ... . then of course they'd be in immense pain; especially if they don't have a replacement lined up.
I think the answer is less about how they feel and more about understanding that they are in pain all the time. They are not happy with the new replacement and they have not scratched their mental illness out of their scalp like dandruff flakes. They're mentally ill and they take it with them in their new relationships. They don't shake BPD off or put it in a mailbox. It lives inside of them and it's painful. They carry a lot of baggage and it's very painful hiding this disorder day in and day out.
I don't think it's a good idea to date another person to make a BPDex jealous. It screams of emotional immaturity on our parts and is simply unfair to the new person to involve them in the "make the ex jealous" game.
My ex lives across the street and I have since dated... . but it wasn't for his viewing pleasure... . it was because I was finally able to detach and accept that he's sick in the head and heart and not the one for me.
Spell
