Here I am

[mamajo39]

Im mamajo39. Im 39 and my mother has undiagnosed BPD. I am just starting to work through the damage thats been done. I am currently not speaking to her. Shes too volatile. I am angry and saddened at the moment. Im amazed and astounded that Im not alone in this.  Im also realizing Im not crazy. Im wanting to find a way to remove myself from her drama for good. As of now ,i dont feel like there is a way to continue contact. I do not want her alone with my daughters ever again. She is hell bent on turning them against me and each otjer. She hates my husband and quite frankly, im amazed he is still my husband after all her shenanigans. Anyway, im looking to make peace with my past and be right for my little fsmily. Theres so much to share but ill get to that in time , I suppose. Thank you all for being brave and sharing.

[Rapt Reader]

Hi, mamajo39, and 

I'm so sorry for all the pain you have been going through with your Mom, but you are certainly in the right place to find others who will know exactly what you are going through    The trauma of a BPD parent has untold ripples of damage to their child's psyche; I see it in my husband and his siblings because of his own undiagnosed BPD Mom... . I've found a few links that will give you some insights:

How a Mother with Borderline Personality Disorder Affects Her Children

Coping when a Family Member has BPD Lessons/Survivor's Guide to Childhood Abuse

Children of BPD Parents: Reclaiming Our Lost Selves

BOUNDARIES: Upholding our values and independence

Sometimes No Contact is the only way to go in these relationships (God only knows how many times my Husband and I have had to do that with my M-I-L!), and I've also had the need to cut her off from my own children when they were little from time to time. I really hope you can make peace with your past, and find the right thing to do for your family; first and foremost those things are the most important for healing. Keep reading, posting and asking questions... . It really does help