I said what was on my mind

[MiserableDaughter]

Yup! After being physically ill and sick to my stomach for the last several days after unBPD mother's gut punching comments, I finally lost it. I have always been paralyzed by fear from her rages. I am a 34 year old laywer, married for 11 years, with an amazing 14 month old son. She pulls my strings and i am so scared she will do the same with my son. For the first time, I blasted off and said whatever was on my mind! Years of crap! Directly! Without tears! Like an adult. I dont know whether she understood what I said. She claimed she did but honestly I think it was just because of her fear of losing me. She is a manipulative liar and lied several times during our talk. Bt shockingly, it hasnt ended in a rage (yet.) I am DAMN proud of myself... . ! Seriously, I AM!

[Blonde Mermaid]

Miserable Daughter, i am also 34 and I have done what you just did, many times.

And guess what? it doesn't work the way we think it is gonna work.  We still consider our mothers as people with common sense, when they have little to no common sense. That's why telling them off doesn't work that much,

I am proud of you though for stopping the abuse.  When I do that to my mother she usually cries afterwards and feels very guilty.  But alas, later on she is very affective and loving and when i put the guard down, she starts conversations about ungrateful and disrespectful I am to her.  Then she pisses me off again and it is the same story over and over.    It is a vicious circle.  If you have a son I would suggest you to not let your mother interfere with your relationship with him.  (Because she eventually will) My advice is to defend yourself the way you did, then put distance between you and her, for as long as you can.

[Clearmind]

MD, it so tough being on the receiving end – believe me I know! Any response to my BPD aunt is met with extreme retaliation.

Sometimes when we are not great with boundaries we bottle up our hurt and anger until it blows! Its OK.

What boundaries can you set with BPDmom going forward to protect yourself, bubs etc?

[Taolady]

   Oh, Miserable! I am so proud of you! What a great step you've taken to stopping the abuse! Yes, it may take many more times of doing the same thing in order for you to make a change, but you'll get better at it. One thing our BPD relatives do is give us plenty of practice.

[zone out]

Good for you.  I wish I had stood up for myself years ago.  Now that you have made a stand, hold firm - no going back, things can only improve.  The BPD has the capacity to wreck way too much havoc.

Good luck to you

Zone out

[GeekyGirl]

Standing up for yourself and letting someone know when they've hurt you or upset you is often the healthiest thing you can do. It sounds like you've wanted to say these things to your mother for a long time, and I hope it does bring you some relief.

Clearmind has asked a good question: what can you do to protect yourself and your family going forward? How can you let your mother know that she's violating these boundaries before you reach a point where you "blast off?"