A question about silent treatment

[Relentless]

Has anyone ever been left in the dark... . silent treatment etc... . feeling convinced it was done and over... . and then some point later she came back? I was an amazing boyfriend to this woman, we were friends 13.5 years before. She has convinced herself something nasty about me, what it is exactly, I am not sure. But she is leaving for 4 months, and I think it might have to do with that. She suddenly was "certain" I was going to cheat, or leave her... . mostly cheat. Then a huge fight, and complete silence since.

We had so many inside jokes... . such a wonderful friendship inside the relationship. We worked out together... . we did so so so much together, and we laughed so much together. I could go on... . I miss all that so much, and I hope at the very least she comes around for the friendship, and maybe one day more.

Anyone ever have that break up that you thought it was done... . but things came around? PM me if you'd like, or reply. Thanks in advance.

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[emotionaholic]

Yes it happens all the time for me.  In fact I am going through it right now.  I have been given the silent treatment NC bit sentencing for going on a month now.  Will she come back?  I don't know  Do I want to be in a relationship where this is standard protocol?  Not really.  Will things be different?  Not sure.

Your gf leaving for 4 months could certainly be the root of her breaking up.  She is dumping you before you dump her.  Insecurity and lack of trust are huge with pwBPD.  So yes she created the scenario that you would cheat on her while she was away so she had to dump you so she would not have to go through being cheated on.  Its an ass backwards way of thinking but if you use illogical it makes perfect sense.  I have noticed that even leaving for a couple of days sparks some sort of fear that you will not be there when they or you return.  The day I woke up to go on a hunting trip with some friends for 5 days I was accused of getting my hair cut by strippers.  Greatclips/Stripperclips, still not sure of the connection the words don't even rhyme.  Huge fight for 3 hours while I was packing.  I left she felt better, I spent my trip wondering what the hell am I doing in this relationship.

Do they come back?  Have you been through this before?  You seem to have had a good friendship then relationship lasting a good amount of time.  I doubt she is gone for good.

Stay strong

[Relentless]

Thanks for responding. What's the longest you ever got the silent treatment where they came back in some form. What did you do? I have read NC works, but can also further confirm their abandonment ideas... . But if I keep contact consistently or semi consistently... . Then she "has me"? I think?

This is the first time it happened like this. She went silent before for a day or two. I wish I knew if she was dating around... . Doubt it, but maybe. I would be hurt, but not angry. I want a friendship MORE than the relationship. 13.5 years of friendship... . Which continued into the romance. She said no one ever took care of her. She said for the first time ever, a guy, other than her dad, made her felt taken care of... . Like she wouldn't have to worry etc. she's right, she never would have had to worry.

And the fact that she never even gave me a chance to talk about the fight from my point of view... Ugh. I'm crushed right now.

[emotionaholic]

The longest it went was 6 weeks.  During that time there was little to no contact.  We each have kids that go to the same school so total NC was impossible.  I did my best to avoid her and if I saw her made sure to give a smile and continue on my way.  I did a few weeks into it send a text asking if we could talk.  No response.  We did end up running into each other at a kids Halloween party and went to coffee while the kids were at the party.  We had some awkward interactions for a couple of weeks where we tried to just be friends.  It was torture on me and I decided that I could not settle for just a friendship.  I stopped calling her and suddenly she came running back.  There have been a couple of other month long breakups each one was different and the getting back together happened differently.

The best thing you can do is keep yourself together.  If and when she gets over her 'Mr Hyde" syndrome she will get a hold of you.  Don't avoid her, and don't try to contact her asking questions she wont have answers for, but also don't let her leave on her trip without any contact.

I know how hard it is to be given the silent treatment especially when you did not do anything wrong.  It is not your fault.  The only thing you can do is take care of you.  Read up on as much as you can to be prepared if and when she returns.

[Relentless]

Thanks a ton. That does help. I texted her today. I will try to NC for a bit. She starts her rotation on Aug 26th. So I know I will text her before that. I had written her a letter for every day that she'd be gone, I got to 28 letters... . I might keep writing them just so she knows I care. IDK otherwise. I gotta focus on me for sure this weekend. I feel like she will probably rip them all up. Who knows. /sigh

[Relentless]

Today I found out from her room mate that she said she was done with me, and that it was a situation she didn't want to be in... .

She said that I was a great bf, and I did a lot of great things... . but I wasn't the guy she thought I was... .

WTH! Ugh, it hurts. I then found out she's been telling all her friends to not talk to me and said that she is scared of me etc.

Do they ever come back around after hit like this? (not necessarily romantically... . but at all? Will she split me white again after a long time of realizing she is blowing some stupid ass thing way out of proportion?)

Does this mean it's really over? Or have others had worse happen then they come back?

[sadinnc98]

I think its hard to say because little really "makes sense" with pwBPD in my experience. There have been times I have been 100% convinced he was gone for good... . yet he came back fast. Other times I thought he would be gone for a brief time, and it was a long time. No rhyme or reason to it in my experience... sucks to be on the receiving end of it.   Right now I am being shut out/ignored for no reason that I know of... I deal with this quite often.