The pattern is unmistakeable

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

I was just out of a relationship when my ex and I met. She knew I was vulnerable. So did I. I tried to keep it casual. She executed the whole wounded bird thing with precision. I fell for it. She was an artist. Took me lock, stock, and barrel. The idealization was next. Building me up bigger than life. All of her other relationships were nothing compared to ours. Then the overstated emotions. This pattern was unknown to me. I was not aware that it was a trap. The next eight years of my life were like I existed in some kind of pseudo reality. I was under her control. Brainwashed. Intoxicated with an evil spell. That is exactly how I feel. My self was lost. I tolerated absurd behavior. Anger,abuse,addiction, and that's just the a's. she was a miserable person looking for someone to share her misery with. I almost feel fortunate to have escaped with my life. Thank god I didn't marry her or have children with her. I tried over and over to end it. She would not leave. If someone tells me to get out and stay out I only need to hear it once then I'm gone. She wouldn't leave. I should have called the police and had her removed but she would pacify me with sex. Literally. Then everything would be ok for a while. Continued idealization and overstated emotion. So lucky to be out of it. Just waiting for the poison to leave my body and mind. Sucks right now because of the depression and anxiety but I'm SLOWLY getting better. Wish I could fast track it somehow. I don't think I will be able to trust for quite a while. I have dated. I am afraid to get into a relationship.

     So before I decided to burn the bridge with her she and I talked a bit. She told me all about her new boyfriend. How she tried to move in on him. How she told him she needed to get out of her parents house. How he drug tested her. How she came up dirty and he was devastated and paid for her to go to rehab. Seems like the wounded bird and the rescuer to me. I see the pattern starting all over for her again. Lucky guy!

[Perfidy]

I was just out of a relationship when my ex and I met. She knew I was vulnerable. So did I. I tried to keep it casual. She executed the whole wounded bird thing with precision. I fell for it. She was an artist. Took me lock, stock, and barrel. The idealization was next. Building me up bigger than life. All of her other relationships were nothing compared to ours. Then the overstated emotions. This pattern was unknown to me. I was not aware that it was a trap. The next eight years of my life were like I existed in some kind of pseudo reality. I was under her control. Brainwashed. Intoxicated with an evil spell. That is exactly how I feel. My self was lost. I tolerated absurd behavior. Anger,abuse,addiction, and that's just the a's. she was a miserable person looking for someone to share her misery with. I almost feel fortunate to have escaped with my life. Thank god I didn't marry her or have children with her. I tried over and over to end it. She would not leave. If someone tells me to get out and stay out I only need to hear it once then I'm gone. She wouldn't leave. I should have called the police and had her removed but she would pacify me with sex. Literally. Then everything would be ok for a while. Continued idealization and overstated emotion. So lucky to be out of it. Just waiting for the poison to leave my body and mind. Sucks right now because of the depression and anxiety but I'm SLOWLY getting better. Wish I could fast track it somehow. I don't think I will be able to trust for quite a while. I have dated. I am afraid to get into a relationship.

     So before I decided to burn the bridge with her she and I talked a bit. She told me all about her new boyfriend. How she tried to move in on him. How she told him she needed to get out of her parents house. How he drug tested her. How she came up dirty and he was devastated and paid for her to go to rehab. Seems like the wounded bird and the rescuer to me. I see the pattern starting all over for her again. Lucky guy!

[Moonie75]

I went through all that you did Sir. Just out of my marriage when i met mine!

I concur with all you've written, except mine didn't have suicide issues, booze or drug problems. She's incredibly high functioning. (that description, 'high functioning' of someone so f***ed up is the epitome of irony. Like something being 'perfectly broken'.

[Clearmind]

I was just out of a relationship when my ex and I met. She knew I was vulnerable. So did I. I tried to keep it casual. She executed the whole wounded bird thing with precision. I fell for it. She was an artist. Took me lock, stock, and barrel. The idealization was next. Building me up bigger than life.

From idealization to devaluation - why we struggle

Accountability for our part... . idealization was good for them and us! We idealized each other and mirrored one another which is why the bond was so powerful for you both.