deadbeat protection

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

BPD Family,

I would love to hear from anyone that has had success in getting their BPDex in honoring financial responsibilities.  She is ordered to pay 50% of out-of-pocket medical expenses.  Since our divorce went final in April, I have accrued $600 in medical expenses, of which I haven't been able to collect a single penny.  Not a lot of money, but considering we have 3 kids and our oldest is 10, these expenses will be considerable over time.  I sent her copies of all of the receipts, but she refuses to make an agreement for payment.  I have offered to take installments, but can never get any response, other than I will pay you back "ASAP" or she tells me she is busy working.  The most popular response of course is no response at all.  I send most of my communications via email.

I plan to send her all of the receipts and copies of previous email via certified mail.  Any words of wisdom on getting exes to honor divorce agreements is appreciated.

Thanks!

[forgive2day]

BPD Family,

I would love to hear from anyone that has had success in getting their BPDex in honoring financial responsibilities.  She is ordered to pay 50% of out-of-pocket medical expenses.  Since our divorce went final in April, I have accrued $600 in medical expenses, of which I haven't been able to collect a single penny.  Not a lot of money, but considering we have 3 kids and our oldest is 10, these expenses will be considerable over time.  I sent her copies of all of the receipts, but she refuses to make an agreement for payment.  I have offered to take installments, but can never get any response, other than I will pay you back "ASAP" or she tells me she is busy working.  The most popular response of course is no response at all.  I send most of my communications via email.

I plan to send her all of the receipts and copies of previous email via certified mail.  Any words of wisdom on getting exes to honor divorce agreements is appreciated.

Thanks!

[ForeverDad]

I've been divorced for over 5 years and my ex has never reimbursed me.  The last order two years ago when I got custody - but parenting time stayed at 50% and she sought child support due to court's assumed income disparity - stated she had to reimburse me 17% after I paid the first $100 each year.  Her refrain is, I don't have money!  My refrain, So pay it with some of the child support I send twice a month!

Apparently courts are big on enforcing child support but lax on reimbursements.  I think you'll need to document that you properly sent her the bills, receipts or documents, give her a reasonable amount of time for response or payment and then file Contempt of Court.  Be aware, though, that until you establish a pattern of her noncompliance on this and/or other issues, the court will be reluctant to give her any consequences.  Build a history of multiple contempts and court may eventually sit up and decide a consequence (a sanction of some sort) is appropriate.

I am currently in court for Modification of Parenting time, seeking to go from 50% to majority time.  That's listed as one of several reasons to seek a change.  Unfortunately, when I go to court and 'win', I get a court ordered baby step improvement but never a comprehensive resolution - and the prior nonpayments are ignored and the clock starts all over again.  I guess that was the trade off, ex didn't have to pay back amounts owed and I got a perk.

Sorry, but NO you cannot deduct the expenses or reimbursements from your child support, if you pay any.  Courts typically have rules specifying they are two separate issues and one cannot be changed to resolve the other.

[crystal]

No success story. Only sympathy.  My ex owes me THOUSANDS but it would cost me more in legal fees to get the money than I am owed. The system does not reward the concientious.

I could be VERY bitter. But I remember that the upside of my situation is I have a very positive relationship with all of my kids, I am free of Ex. and I am lucky enough to be able to support myself and them. 

[ForeverDad]

Sorry, but NO you cannot deduct the expenses or reimbursements from your child support, if you pay any.  Courts typically have rules specifying they are two separate issues and one cannot be changed to resolve the other.

Perhaps I should clarify:  YOU can't unilaterally fix the issue by deducting from child support.  However, the court has the authority to do whatever.

As crystal wrote, it is usually more expensive to hire a lawyer to go to court than the unreimbursed amount.  These days I think lawyers charge about $1000 to file a contempt case.  However, I did file some motions since I wanted to establish a history documenting my ex's noncompliance.

My lawyer said courts take post-decree contempt cases more seriously since the court expects the parents to have lessened the conflict by that time.

[Rubies]

In my state the courts are quite user friendly.  If you can keep your emotions out it, I don't think a lawyer should be necessary to get it in front of a judge for a wage garnishment.   Our judge told me to not wait to bring BPDx's financial irresponsibilities in front of him.

Lawyers seem to complicate things to fill their own pockets.