Here we go again She is looking for a new job too far away.

[Cipher13]

Hello all its been a few weeks since my last post. And things were going pretty well I tend not o post anything when its all good. So I am posting and it is on the verge of getting bad again.  I probably let this happen but thats what I do.  My w has quit her job that she hates to go back to school for something she has wanted to do for a long time. She recieve a graduate assistanship job so it was all paid for plus a stipend... . she went back for 1 week before classes started and today resigned her position because the students were not mature enough and she woul have to interact with them in the class and outside on projects.  I was supposrtive of going back to school and even got a 2nd part time job to make sure we can pay bills. Now she dropped out and has interview for new job... . Good right? Its an 1hr 1/2 away and would require us to move... . again. We just bought a house in January. Oh the job she quite offered her more $ to stay and she didn't want to . Now if she takes this she will take a $10k pay cut. Keep in mind she wasn't making all that much. Now I don't mind if she finds something she can be ahppy with but she has never been happy with any jpb fo rmore than a couple months. Plus this new potential job is in the same feild she has been in for the previous 6 to 7 years. 

You know I will supposrt this and regreet it and hate that I did it. That being said why can't I stop this from happening. If I try I will regret that as well. I lose no matter what.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[lostandunsure]

My wife does similar... . She does well in a job for a while, then decides that she doesn't want to do it anymore, or becomes so stressed/depressed with it that she can no longer function with it. Then, she'll make grand plans with something else. (The latest was setting up a photographic studio in our house, this means that for the time being we're living on the upper floor of our home while the lower level sit's pretty much unused, it was a duplex with an upper unit, but it's still a bit awkward)

I'm still trying to figure out how to steer her into things that I think would be "safer" for both her, and our stability. For now, my mantra is "for the time being, just focus on yourself and figuring out who you are and getting health." But that can't last.

I totally get what you mean, damned if you do, damned if you don't. I'm struggling with that myself... . If I don't support her, I'm to blame for her not succeeding, if I do support her and she fails, well, why didn't I stop her from doing something that she shouldn't have done and putting us in a position where we'll have even more issues?

[Cipher13]

[I totally get what you mean, damned if you do, damned if you don't. I'm struggling with that myself... . If I don't support her, I'm to blame for her not succeeding, if I do support her and she fails, well, why didn't I stop her from doing something that she shouldn't have done and putting us in a position where we'll have even more issues?/quote]

Hey did I write that or did you just steel my typical thoughts on this.  I guess this is some what "typical".  I started a second job last week to make sure we have enough $ to pay bills. Also it was originally to help her so she can quit the job she hates so much.

And to prove the theory of damned if you do and damned if you don't... . I procrastinated in finding a second job because I knew it was going to drain me. Then I get "You arn't looking and you don't care about the fact that this job sucks and I hate it. You are selfish and only think of your self"   Ok fine guess what started a 2nd jpb last week. So what happens now... . last night I get " OK you "working" job isn't going to work  for me. Its a perfect cover to you cheating on me. You  can't ext and you are gone late at night." 

So the solution to all this... . drum role please... . I have no clue.  It will maybe kill me so I guess there is a way out of this after all... . (sarcasim?)

[123Phoebe]

You know I will supposrt this and regreet it and hate that I did it. That being said why can't I stop this from happening. If I try I will regret that as well. I lose no matter what.

We lose when we give up ourselves for the whims of a disordered mind.  We have to be strong!  The emotional leaders... .   Stable.  We win by not leading ourselves astray... .

What do you want to do?  How easy will it be to sell your house?  Will you make money or lose money on the deal?  Are you planning on quitting both your jobs to relocate, or driving and hour and a half one-way every day? Do you work from home?  Will the upheaval of relocating cause stress to your psyche, affecting your current job(s)?

Think this through carefully and mindfully... .

[Cipher13]

What do you want to do?  I like my job and the house we just bought. I don't want to move again.

How easy will it be to sell your house?  Not sure we just bought it. No house in the area is going very fast.

Will you make money or lose money on the deal?  I am pretty sure it will cost me a good bit of money. Money I have not yet built back up in our saving from the purchase.

Are you planning on quitting both your jobs to relocate, or driving and hour and a half one-way every day? I would drive the distance and keep both. Woul dhave to pay forthe gas to do that with the 2nd job.

Do you work from home?  No but I wish I could. But I would be accused of cheating if I did that to. 

Will the upheaval of relocating cause stress to your psyche, affecting your current job(s)? Yes but we have moved every 8 to 12 months for the last 15 years. I have lived in 18 places in the last 15 years and that includes 6 months in a camper in Florida during the summer. I finally have a nice house and a great job that I enjoy very much. This will harm it and make the second job harder to deal with as I will most certainly me more tired. with both jobs I work 6 am to 9pm add 3 hours to that for travel and you get the point where sleep is sarificed.

Think this through carefully and mindfully... .

[Vindi]

i feel for you... . wow, 18 places in 15 years... . thats alot of moving

I think you best bet is to stay where you are, yes, you are happy where you are, and this moving is not making things any better, as you can see its been done 18 times in 15 years! moving costs alot of $$$ to pay for moving plus the loss you may take on the house... . its a no win situation.

Finding a job "anyone" likes is hard nowadays, to be completely happy with their work. Why can't your wife get into a "field" that she somewhat enjoys, and yes, she may not get along with all of the people but thats how the workplace is nowadays. But i think if she gets into a job that she enjoys she can move up the corporate ladder, esp. if its with a good solid company.

I'd really think twice about moving again, for the 19th time, cuz it will take a toll on you and your sleep and all the traveling for work, and plus who knows if she will even like the job after she moves... . its too much of a risk and from 18 moves in the past... . this one I don't think will change anything...

Not sure if you can calmly talk with her or what you can do to make her stay "settled"... . I do wish you the best.

[lostandunsure]

My two cents... . And I know how difficult it can be... . You need to stay where you are. YOU need some stability, both for YOU and for your WIFE... . I'm not sure how to have that discussion, I deal with it myself, I constantly hear about how the house is too big, it's too far from where I work, etc, but the reality is we're kind of stable for the moment and I like it.

I don't recall if this inability to settle down is part of BPD, but my uBPDw, can't seem to settle either. Even when a place has everything she seems to want. When we've moved, I'll have my space and the main living spaces unpacked in a pretty short period of time... . Her office/studio/etc, may not get unpacked and setup for months, or years (assuming we lived there long enough). To make it worse, I can see how frustrating it is for her, but she also won't let me help, beyond painting the walls if she ever decides on a color.

Obviously, you have to do what's right for you and your relationship, but we have moved quite a bit and it's draining, not as much recently, thankfully. Uprooting yourself again, after finding a good home and a good job is just going to add more stress to your life. I'm not sure what, if any, communication method you're using right now, but I would really push for stability and job security at the moment to give yourself a breather. You're already working two jobs to support someone who doesn't seem to be understanding what you are doing for them, don't you deserve this?

[Cipher13]

She just got down with ther interview. It went well and she seems excited about it. I was hoping it would be so so.  Now there has not been talk of salary.  I am thinking it will be very low. I over thought this whole situation. I thought I woul dgive her all the ammo she needed to make her own decision that it was too far to drive to and that movign woul dbe too expensive and it would pay her enough to make the sacrifice... . wrong thats using logic.  Why do I always try to use logic in these situation when I know it doesn't work.   She is always looking for a new better job. When it requires us to up and move and me leave my job and I say just that... " we will need to move and what about me and my job".  Same reactions... "you just don't want me to be happy or don't care about me." 

So now i try to sugar coat my respnices to seem like I am trying to be all in without goin gun-ho. But now I must have been doin that too much because now she eve sees that as what it is. Negative.

[Cipher13]

Oh wait hold the phone she just sent a text and said the drive is too damn far... Stay tuned!

[SadWifeofBPD]

Same reactions... "you just don't want me to be happy or don't care about me." 

H has said similar a few times, and I've long responded with:  (while smiling) "You're right, I don't care about you.  I don't want you to be happy.  I want what makes ME happy.  That's why in the past I've agreed to doing (insert long list of things done to make H happy).  I did all those things because they made ME happy and because we both knew that they'd make you unhappy."     H is usually too dumbstruck to reply.

I used to say the similar things to my kids when one would say, "you like my brother better than me."  I'd say, "sure I love XXX more than you.  Didn't you get the memo? That's why I don't feed you.  That's why I didn't buy you (insert list of recent purchases).  That's why you sleep in the garage instead of a lovely bedroom.  That's why I gave the orthodonist $3000 to fix your teeth. Of course I don't care about you." etc etc.  We would end up laughing at the silliness. 

[Cipher13]

I wish it were sillines and we could laugh about it. I did react like that one time. It exploded in my face. I had all kinds of un nice explatives tossed  my way.  I found it less than helpful for me. 

The offered W more $than I expected. Now she is considering it.  Small part hopes hse takes it and says she will just go move by herself. I know that won't happen. I was also told I could no longer work my second job or as she has called it "my new cover to cheat on her".  She said becasue she can't text me and know what I am doing every minute and who I am working with that it is not something I need to be doing.  I wasn't thrilled with the cheating accuassaion but I did expect that she wouldn't like it even before I started looking for a second job. Also I didn't want a second job.  I did it to prove a point. I win one. But not the way I wanted to win.  I guess that makes it sound bad. I wanted to win... .

[SadWifeofBPD]

What would happen if you (quietly) dragged your feet about finding a new job in the new location?  Would she still expect you to quit your job and move without having a new job?

As for "expletitives tossed your way":  your wife has learned that doing that is an effective weapon against you.  She does that, and you fold. 

One thing that I have learned over the years, is that even if they HATE hearing your side and they "flip out", it doesn't mean that they don't later think about what you said and realize that you have a point or that they were wrong. 

I'm not talking about when they are full-on raging, because then they aren't hearing a dang thing.  I'm talking about before that, before the yelling/cussing.

One time H was saying that his dad always let his mom do whatever she liked and always let her have her way.  I replied that his dad was a control freak who made his wife live in a dangerous area that she hated (and she wanted to move, but FIL refused) and that the rule in their home was "Joe's way or the highway."  H disagreed, but I held my ground.  Then H began raging about "how dare you claim to know more about my family than me... . you're so arrogant... . I lived with them, you did not... . I know more about them than you do" and so forth... . , and I just let him rage.  Awhile later (after he thought about it), he told me that I was right and that he had never thought about it that way. 

so, if you can make some points before the raging, sometimes your words do get thru... . even if they may never admit it. 

I don't believe that we should give them so much power that we always fear ever stating what is true and logical just because we know that they're going to flip out after hearing it.  I guess that's where SET comes in, though... . if we use SET, then we can state truth/logic in a better way. 

I think that many of us think that if they rage after hearing logic (or if they won't understand the logic), that we shouldn't bother ever saying logical things.  I think we should frequently say what is logical, because they need to hear logic, they need to learn logic, and even if it real-time they insist that we're not being logical, that doesn't mean that something doesn't "get thru to them" and that they (much) later digest it and learn.

I've seen my H use the logic that I've presented to him.  It may be weeks/months later, but I've seen it. 

[Cipher13]

The only good news is that our factory office isn't to ofar and ai could work from there once we sold the house. I am just worried this will be the "same old same old". She won't stick with it and then what? we will have moved again for the 19th time.

I brought up today about being tired of have the say discussinon/arguement all the time. Of course then I am blamed becasue I caused the issue 12 years ago and so on and so forth. I am to blame its all my fault. Never ever get past it never ever accept the apology and alsway expect an apology for every time she feels vulnerable.

I have tried using logic but it they have to be in logica state of mind for that to work. More often they are not.

[123Phoebe]

The only good news is that our factory office isn't to ofar and ai could work from there once we sold the house. I am just worried this will be the "same old same old". She won't stick with it and then what? we will have moved again for the 19th time.

Cipher, yes, if history is any indication of the future, this is exactly what will happen and you already know it; it will be the "same old same old".  You will have moved for the 19th time.  

Are you willing to make it 20?  25?  30?  

You do have choices here... .  We can talk about how illogical your wife is all day long... .  If you move for the 19th time it will mean that you've hopped on board the illogical train again right along with her-- doing something that you don't want to do, or at least didn't want to do 2 days ago.

Is this what you intend to do?  

[Cipher13]

You do have choices here... .   We can talk about how illogical your wife is all day long... .   If you move for the 19th time it will mean that you've hopped on board the illogical train again right along with her-- doing something that you don't want to do, or at least didn't want to do 2 days ago.

Is this what you intend to do? 

The answer to that is NO! No way.  But this has bee the area of my biggest struggle. I cave all the time and it feeds into her problems. I think I am the conductor of the illogical train and I never wanted to be on the dang thing to begin with.

So how in the world can I have the conversion with her? That question shouldn't be so hard for me to answer myself but I am at a loss.  If I resist I end up with all the "you don't suppost me" "you want me to be miserable"  crap that she turns back on me and can make me feel like I have done those thing on purpose. Guilt is a weapon and it stings and burns. I know I  keep making my own situation worse by going along and doing what ever she wants to make her happy. I tell myself ok we will do this and then when it doesn't work I will say ok thats enough now this stops.  Problem with that is over time I forget until the istuation flares up and becomes bad again and we get ready for the next move...   GRRRR I hate this. Its so dang hard.

[SadWifeofBPD]

Well, when kids ask for unreasonable or unaffordable things, they also often resort to the: "I you loved me then ... . " or "I hate you," or "you're the worst parent in the whole world," or "you're so cheap," etc.  And, often they'll throw a temper tantrum, too.  If you give in, you get more of this. 

H has finally stopped saying that I have to do things my way, and I think it's because in-real-time I will mention whenever we're doing something "his" way.  For instance, if he wants to go to a certain restaurant, I'll say something like, "Yes, let's go there. It's your turn to pick out the restaurant" (or movie, or whatever).  This serves as a reminder that they are getting "their way" on a regular basis.  Or, if he wants to leave some place earlier than I'd like to leave, I might say something like, "Although I'd like to stay longer, I can see that you're wanting to leave, so it's ok if we leave now.  There may be a time in the future that I will really want to stay longer, and then it will be my turn to pick the departure time."

[Cipher13]

There may be a time in the future that I will really want to stay longer, and then it will be my turn to pick the departure time."

I've tried this approach and perhaps its that I havn't set the context that "this is for you  and the next ime is for me". But it hasn't really worked out.

[123Phoebe]

There may be a time in the future that I will really want to stay longer, and then it will be my turn to pick the departure time."

I've tried this approach and perhaps its that I havn't set the context that "this is for you  and the next ime is for me". But it hasn't really worked out.

I can understand how this approach wouldn't work, as it's keeping score.  Who wants a romantic relationship to be based on checks and balances?

Cipher, I'm pulling for you here... .   really truly... .

If you don't want to move again and you like your house and you like your work, then stand up for what you believe in! 

From what you've mentioned about her, I would imagine that she will throw all kinds of verbal stuff at you, you will be emotionally blackmailed and who knows what all else... . ?

You   already   know   this   and   have   experienced   it    numerous   times   before.  This is what she does and so far it has worked for her... . kinda, but not really

Are you ready to take back your life?

Read the Lessons, check out the workshops, take yourself very very seriously

And of course, keep posting

 

Nobody here can do the work for you; we're here to support you, we want what's best for you, the true hard work will have to be done by you for there to ever be positive change

[SadWifeofBPD]

Quote from: Cipher13 on Today at 11:11:27 AM

Quote

There may be a time in the future that I will really want to stay longer, and then it will be my turn to pick the departure time."

=======

I've tried this approach and perhaps its that I havn't set the context that "this is for you  and the next ime is for me". But it hasn't really worked out.

===========

I can understand how this approach wouldn't work, as it's keeping score.  Who wants a romantic relationship to be based on checks and balances?

As you've said, you haven't set it in the context of:  " this time is for you, and next time it's for me."  That may make a difference.  It's a learning experience... . one where they're made aware of the frequency that they really are getting their way (since they naturally think that they're never getting their way.)

As for how a romantic relationship should work, there are no rules.  And when dealing with an emotionally immature pwBPD, you sometimes have to do things in a "taking turns" fashion to teach them that they can't always be first (which is what they want).

I've known plenty of married nons who "take turns" picking out movies, vacations, restaurants, etc.  I can see how doing so would make each spouse feel that he/she is getting a fair shake in decisions.  I would never presume that their relationship is lacking romance or isn't a fully loving relationship. 

[Cipher13]

So good news from last night. We are not moving. But why am I not happy with the results. Becasue now all the family she sought suggestions from said not to take that job. (she job hops and ahas never liked any job for more than a few months.) So they  said as much. I mentioned that the drive won't be fun but if she really wants to take this job and we don't have to move. (she said that moving to that area woul dbe too far from the city). But I got the silent treatment which consistes of texting only whil esitting on the same couch and then later at night in the same bed. Lest 1 foot away we have to text not talk.

So I know she was angry last night when we wne tot sleep. So I fully expect to get a nasty gram this morning to follow up from last night. Or if there is miracle she will be nice and as is nothing ever happend. That has happend before but its one of those rare 1 in a blue moon type senarios.

[123Phoebe]

But I got the silent treatment which consistes of texting only whil esitting on the same couch and then later at night in the same bed. Lest 1 foot away we have to text not talk.

Cipher, congrats on not moving!  Whew.

Question: Did you have to take part in the texting?

[Cipher13]

Question: Did you have to take part in the texting?

Unfortunatley I did. I tried to respond verbally. I said I'd rather talk about this in person. She said I'm not talking to you. Are you going to repond to that text or not. Should have said no probably. Sometimes I second gues my first instinct. Probably shouldn't. Its often the right one.

But now she is still upset and her words "even moe angry" this morning. I am so glad I have ameeting to be in. Won't last long enough. I hate cell phones.  Of course I could choose not to answer. That is my first insticnt talking again.

[SadWifeofBPD]

We are not moving. But why am I not happy with the results. Becasue now all the family she sought suggestions from said not to take that job

Are you unhappy because she listened to their advice, but not yours?  If so, get over that.  Seriously.  Be grateful that she's got some level-headed relatives that think like you think.

this sort of thing happens to spouses of pwBPD.  You can tell them something and they won't believe/hear you, but then someone ELSE says the same thing and they accept it.

My sister says it's the "marble game" going on.  YOU are perceived by your wife as having more marbles than she has.  Anytime you're right or get what you want, in her mind, she's giving you a marble.  She already feels that you have too many marbles, so she doesn't want to give up one of her precious few.  So, she'll resist... . just to hold on to her marbles.

This is one reason why they will insist that they're right, when it's obvious that they're not.  They don't want to give you a marble.   They can better deal with the truth when it comes from someone that they don't have a "marble game" issue going on. 

It's not your fault that this dynamic exists.  You didn't cause it by doing/saying bad things.  It comes up just because deep down your pwBPD knows that you're a more powerful person, likely smarter, more organized, more logical, more common sense, etc.  (that's one reason they call us such awful names... . any sign of human fault and they pounce.)


"She said I'm not talking to you"

I probably would have written:  Fine, I respect your decision.  Now respect mine.  I'm not texting to you.   

[mcc503764]

You know I will supposrt this and regreet it and hate that I did it. That being said why can't I stop this from happening. If I try I will regret that as well. I lose no matter what.

We lose when we give up ourselves for the whims of a disordered mind.  We have to be strong!  The emotional leaders... .   Stable.  We win by not leading ourselves astray... .

What do you want to do?  How easy will it be to sell your house?  Will you make money or lose money on the deal?  Are you planning on quitting both your jobs to relocate, or driving and hour and a half one-way every day? Do you work from home?  Will the upheaval of relocating cause stress to your psyche, affecting your current job(s)?

Think this through carefully and mindfully... .

When I was with my x, this was a common theme... . let's move away, relocate, and take her mother with us?

There was NO logic in this "fantasy-plan" of hers... . there was too much holding us to our town, and it wasn't possible!

Still, my x had NO concept of this... . I couldn't win.  She was under the impression that I could simply find another job in another state and that they'd pay to relocate me?  Just as simple as that (anyone who has been looking for jobs knows that it's hard enough just to find one at times, let alone one that will pay to move you!) 

And, then of course, the few jobs that were promising, weren't in states that she wanted to live in... . so, I couldn't win (as appears the common theme of this posting... . )

Then, she had the plan of finding a big house in our town... . well, in order to do that, you need $, you need to contribute and work towards you goals right?  Not in the x's mind... . it was just supposed to magically appear!

And then of course, I would get the comments of "why cant I have a big house like all of my friends do?"  Let me tell you, those digs and jabs do wonders for your own self esteem... .

My advise, let reality teach her!  If it's not possible, spell it out for her (in crayon if necessary) as to why it wont work... . that's called LIFE, if you wanted and endless supply of $$ then you should start visiting the nursing homes!

Now, she lives about an hour away with her bf (common theme here) and is closer to her job, although her "ailing" mother still lives in my town, so this will only be a matter of time before she will be forced to be back in the area again!

stay tuned!

MCC

[SadWifeofBPD]

We lose when we give up ourselves for the whims of a disordered mind.  We have to be strong!  The emotional leaders... .   Stable.  We win by not leading ourselves astray... .

I completely agree.  We do lose when we let an immature mind (that of a 2 year old) be "the leader".   Most of us easily recognize that parents who let a 2 year old run the household are in for a disaster.

The problem is that most of us can really control a 2 year old.  They can't really hurt us.  They can't spend the mortgage money on booze or whatever, etc.  When dealing with a pwBPD (especially a male pwBPD who often has a lot more size/strength to intimidate with), those folks can do serious damage.  They can break whatever is in their sight. They can drain the bank account on a whim or in spite.  They can drink and drive and cause all sorts of havoc. 

[123Phoebe]

We lose when we give up ourselves for the whims of a disordered mind.  We have to be strong!  The emotional leaders... .  Stable.  We win by not leading ourselves astray... .

I completely agree.  We do lose when we let an immature mind (that of a 2 year old) be "the leader".   Most of us easily recognize that parents who let a 2 year old run the household are in for a disaster.

The problem is that most of us can really control a 2 year old.  They can't really hurt us.  They can't spend the mortgage money on booze or whatever, etc.  When dealing with a pwBPD (especially a male pwBPD who often has a lot more size/strength to intimidate with), those folks can do serious damage.  They can break whatever is in their sight. They can drain the bank account on a whim or in spite.  They can drink and drive and cause all sorts of havoc.  

BOUNDARIES!

Yes, pwBPD can behave in any multitude of ways... .

People without it can choose to accept it.  Or not.  And then what?

The choice is ours... .  As we only have control over ourselves.

[Cipher13]

Are you unhappy because she listened to their advice, but not yours?  If so, get over that.  Seriously.  Be grateful that she's got some level-headed relatives that think like you think.

No I am not al all unhappy about that. Infact  I shouldn't be surprised at all. I get the blame for everyone else saying the same thing even though my advise was a lot more suportive rather than blunt. He dad can be that way.  I am grateful to them for that. I should side with them more. I had been taking her side on a lot of advise to apease her.  Not helpful at all. I know now this is whats making this worse. So if she finds out that my opion (which she asked for) is the same as her families then eventually she should get the hint... . I know this can't work. Her sister hasn't learned it that way either.

So I finally go tht etext I was assuming would come. "F. U. You did this and I hate you."

Of course I did this. I always do. I made i so she hates every job she has. I make it so she can't get the job she wants so far away. I make it so she can't ever be happy.  And how do I accomplish all this... . I simply exist.   Thats basically how I feel. Its complete sarcasim of course but I don't dare fuel this by sending a text like that back. I just have not responded to it.


Life sucks. Glad I'm at work right now.

 

[SadWifeofBPD]

I think she should rent an apt (not a long lease!) and take that job.  You stay where you are. 

Let her "feel" the results of her own choices. 

[Cipher13]

Now that she has the day off to look for jobs... . none of which are aound our current living area again... . she asks me if she can apply to them. I said "How am I goign to go there?" She quickly replies" you said you could work from home". I respond with, " I never said that. I said its physically possible but unlikely that my work would allow for that."  She bark back at me is" Of course you didn't. I just made that up. Whatever you change your story so the it suits the situation."  So I try to be logical and say "If that were the case there there would not have been any conversation about this last job or any other ones that would have taken us away from our home." 

Didin't work because next line from her is "Can I or not?"  I state the obvious you will just be angry if I can't find a job there with you."

No reply back to that.  I was at the book store at the time looking over a few BPD books at the time. I can't buy one she will know as she is the keeper of the books. So I have to go there and thumb through them. I'd go to the library but she has frobiden that little option. Thats a long story in itself.

[mcc503764]

just my 0.02 here... .

she sounds very insecure.  Her insecurities make her have to be the one in control of everything!  This entire thing is revolving around HER, and YOU are the bad guy for HER failures!

So, she is acting completely BPD with her need for DRAMA (the irrational job location,) and the victimization (you are the bad guy for reality not letting her get what she wants!)

No accountability... . because nothing is ever their fault and they will never take any responsibility for their actions! 

Unfortunately, you are in a NO win situation... . let me ask you this... . what's in this for YOU?

How is this making YOU feel?

MCC