Pain like no other

[Depression = 72% of members]

I was her employer.

She was expressing to a fellow worker how she was being mentally and physically abused by her 2nd husband I called her into my office after being made aware of the situation. She confided to me that indeed her husband was abusing her and showed me bruises.  I took photos as we needed these for the police.

She comes back to me the next day and says she would like too hold back from approaching the authorities. Ee start talking. Then more frequently and texting alot after hours.

Move forward a few months and we are now declaring our love to each other.

After countless breakups/makeups , I could see the signs of an end to this relationship as the highs and lows where starting to effect me more than her. My business was suffering , my children where feeling my mood swings in my behavior towards them, my friends and family where distancing themselves from me , the SAD part was I didn't care. Why? Because I have never been loved by anyone as much as I was loved by her.

Then, after a weekend of passionate love making, Valentines Day, I get a text "Don't call me again Dont text me again Stay away from me. Everything you ever gave me I am throwing away in the rubbish "

Naturally I tried to call her 3 times over a period of 2 to 3 hours she would not answer, at that point my something took control of me and I did not try again. I was thinking when she calms down there will be a logical explanation.

I have maintained N/C other than drive past her house on numerous occasions and the initial stages I would try for a unintentional bump into her ... . Anything just so I could see her (do not know what I was trying to achieve). 

I start to believe I need closure from her (that being another MAN in her life). I wish I had never attempted that cause there was another man.

Now while she is with her new man "in love again"   

I have lost 15kg.  Great super looking body but I also had a massive heart attack.

NOW I am looking for answers because THE PAIN IS LIKE NO OTHER I HAVE EVER EXPERIENCED.

[Antmar]

I was her employer.

She was expressing to a fellow worker how she was being mentally and physically abused by her 2nd husband I called her into my office after being made aware of the situation. She confided to me that indeed her husband was abusing her and showed me bruises.  I took photos as we needed these for the police.

She comes back to me the next day and says she would like too hold back from approaching the authorities. Ee start talking. Then more frequently and texting alot after hours.

Move forward a few months and we are now declaring our love to each other.

After countless breakups/makeups , I could see the signs of an end to this relationship as the highs and lows where starting to effect me more than her. My business was suffering , my children where feeling my mood swings in my behavior towards them, my friends and family where distancing themselves from me , the SAD part was I didn't care. Why? Because I have never been loved by anyone as much as I was loved by her.

Then, after a weekend of passionate love making, Valentines Day, I get a text "Don't call me again Dont text me again Stay away from me. Everything you ever gave me I am throwing away in the rubbish "

Naturally I tried to call her 3 times over a period of 2 to 3 hours she would not answer, at that point my something took control of me and I did not try again. I was thinking when she calms down there will be a logical explanation.

I have maintained N/C other than drive past her house on numerous occasions and the initial stages I would try for a unintentional bump into her ... . Anything just so I could see her (do not know what I was trying to achieve). 

I start to believe I need closure from her (that being another MAN in her life). I wish I had never attempted that cause there was another man.

Now while she is with her new man "in love again"   

I have lost 15kg.  Great super looking body but I also had a massive heart attack.

NOW I am looking for answers because THE PAIN IS LIKE NO OTHER I HAVE EVER EXPERIENCED.

[Lucky Jim]

Hey Antmar, You don't need this sort of stress and drama, despite what may have seemed initially as an ideal relationship.  Be grateful that the romantic interlude was thankfully short, relative to those of us who have endured long BPD marriages (16 years!), and consider yourself lucky to have put this sad chapter behind you.  It doesn't get better, my friend, believe me.  Lucky Jim

[willtimeheal]

We worked together.  Became friends and soon she was expressing her love to me.  We were together for over 4 years.  Her kids were my kids. I loved her and them so much.  There was nothing I wouldn't do for them.  Then her drinking got worse and her emotional and verbal abuse towards me got worse.  I didn't care.  I was going to save her.  I was not like all the others in her life.  She loved me and I loved her.  We are meant to be together.  I isolated myself from friends and family.  Put myself in a deep depression.  But no matter what I did it was never enough.  Then I got the text that our time was done.  In the last month together she was busy building a new life.  Found an old friend and hooked up with him.  he moved in and now she is building a life with him.  She will text every now and then and tell me she loves me and is unhappy but she will not tell her bf how she feels.  I drive past her house too.  Don't know what I am trying to accomplish either but I do.  Makes me feel crazy.  I have never felt the type of love I felt when I was with her.  I want my family back but she is with someone else.  Hurt beyond words. I too have lost 17 pds.  I am also due for an operation but may cancel it just so I can see her at work.  I am losing my mind.  You are not alone.  i know your pain very well.

[Lucky Jim]

Hey Guys, Sometimes I think a BPD relationship is like heroin -- feels good but ruins your life and is almost impossible to kick.  Perhaps you can re-frame your breakups in the context of withdrawal from a powerful drug.  It hurts, I get it.  But the pain is worth it to get over a relationship that was not built for the long haul, in my view.  Lucky Jim