Just had my first set back in while

[Depression = 72% of members]

Ok so I broke up w/ my gfwBPD about 3 months ago.  I've had little to no contact with her in the last 6-7 weeks. I would say I was doing good, dealing with loneliness but no thoughts of wanting my ex back or really missing her.  Just a little while ago I was surfing around on facebook and I completely unintentionally (honestly) stumbled across her page and saw a pic of her out with this guy. Its a friend of her brother in laws that ive known the whole time we were together. I don't know if it's like "that" at all but honestly it wouldn't be a huge stretch if it was.

SO I got that now running in my head plus I saw some pics of her wearing belly shirts, which she never wore before, and she looks great! For 1 it's weird seeing her all the sudden wear new clothes, and 2 she looks amazing! She was always a very good looking girl but she looks like she just gotten in better shape and super hot. SO all that just hit me kinda of hard, this may all be me being a bit ridiculous and looking at this wrong. Of course they fear that ive made a mistake has crept back in a bit. Ughhh and I thought I was in the clear.

[jalbright]

Ok so I broke up w/ my gfwBPD about 3 months ago.  I've had little to no contact with her in the last 6-7 weeks. I would say I was doing good, dealing with loneliness but no thoughts of wanting my ex back or really missing her.  Just a little while ago I was surfing around on facebook and I completely unintentionally (honestly) stumbled across her page and saw a pic of her out with this guy. Its a friend of her brother in laws that ive known the whole time we were together. I don't know if it's like "that" at all but honestly it wouldn't be a huge stretch if it was.

SO I got that now running in my head plus I saw some pics of her wearing belly shirts, which she never wore before, and she looks great! For 1 it's weird seeing her all the sudden wear new clothes, and 2 she looks amazing! She was always a very good looking girl but she looks like she just gotten in better shape and super hot. SO all that just hit me kinda of hard, this may all be me being a bit ridiculous and looking at this wrong. Of course they fear that ive made a mistake has crept back in a bit. Ughhh and I thought I was in the clear.

[dangoldfool]

I feel your pain, just see it as a little mistake on your part. Never look back, you'll just keep sinking back into this rut your feeling right now. Re read some of the post on here about what others have gone through as a reminder. Go easy on yourself. We all make that mistake.   

[cska]

Jailbright, oh man I'm so sorry. You know there must be something in the water, the same thing happened to me a day ago. I'm on the same time schedule as you, I've been apart from my ex for 2 months, and I've been doing relatively good. I was feeling depressed, but I was free from the actual pain of wanting her back. Then a day ago the pain hit me so hard. I reached out to her, asked her how she was. She ignored me. Then I started to check her social profiles, even though I didn't do it for months. She posted a hurtful tweet, and that just brought me to my knees. It was torture. I felt like I was going to die. I wanted to die. It was hell.

I know how it feels brother. Hang in there. Keep posting, we're here for you. Without BPD Family, I think I would have either gone insane or killed myself.

Remind yourself that your ex is a mentally ill person. She is irrational. She might get with a guy, but you know it won't work. She is ill, she wont get better overnight. Also, its easy to fool people on facebook. Facebook is not a reflection of how anyone feels on the inside.

My girl was also good looking, and it was fun in the sack. But you and I need, no, DESERVE someone who TREATS US WITH CARE AND RESPECT along with just looking good on the outside. And we deserve someone who will be good to us everywhere, not just in the sack.

Be strong jailbright, hang in there!

[jalbright]

Also, a feww weeks or so after the break up she kept begging for m back and alwasy saying how she sees things now and will correct her issues. And i know this is wrong of me to think, but see the pictures of her on facebook she looks all happy and as if everything has changed for her as if she was albe to do away with her issues. I know a couple pictures dont reflect how someone truely is at all but i can help the second guessing.

[cska]

I know a couple pictures dont reflect how someone truely is at all but i can help the second guessing.

If we could stop the second guessing, there would be a lot less threads on this board. The second guessing kills me too, I know how you feel.

Don't be fooled by the facebook facade. BPD is a mental illness, it won't be cured overnight. One time my ex told me that she purposefully exaggerated her happiness on facebook to convince herself that she was happy, when in reality she was miserable. (This actually made me feel so sorry for her. She has to lie to herself because facing the truth is too painful.)

So don't be fooled by facebook, plow forward with your own healing, don't 2nd guess.

[stevemorrison]

Yep online profiles can often be a front for all the emotional turmoil that's going on behind the scenes.

My Ex had her Skype byline set at "Loving life, my man and exploring this beautiful country" for months and months. The whole time she was constantly crying about how she had put on weight and wanted to cut it out/just wanted to die, what a terrible boyfriend I was and how she hated living in my country because no one here loved her or cared about her and she just wanted to go back to home.

So yeah, don't believe online profiles and don't second guess!

[jalbright]

I actually had to reach out to my ex yesterday b/c her mother is planning to come pick up a piece of furniture of hers from my house this week.  SO i asked my ex if she also wanted this other piece of furniture of hers that was still at my house.  Her response was "I dont want $hit from your house." I certainly wasnt shocked by her response but i did say "i'm just asking a question, not sure why you're coming off so angry" and she responded "well the last time I talked to you, you said you werent sad and for me to move on."

So it looks like she has bit of anger towards me, I'm sure its confused and hurt anger but thats fine. I can accept that I guess  

[Validation78]

Hey Jailbright!

Sorry that you have been feeling bad! Once you get past these types of things, and further from the toxicity of the relationship, you will be able to put it all into perspective. The second guessing will be less and less, and you will know, full well that you have done the right thing.

As you already know, BPD is a mental illness that plays havoc on one's emotions. One day she'll be loving and remorseful, the next day (or minute) she'll be angry and hateful. This will not change unless she receives the appropriate care, which will take years. However she presents herself to the world, the inside is still what you already know, deeply troubled and conflicted, bound to repeat the same behavior in relationship after relationship. It's very sad, and you don't have to be a part of it anymore!

Best Wishes,

Val78