Hope

[Unique1]

I recently come to the realization that my sister suffers BPD, she meets all but one of the criteria. We have known for years that she had some mental issue but had no name for it. She, of course, has no clue. To her the rest of us are the terrible ones who have no idea how hard her life is. She will not even consider getting help or that there may be something wrong with her. My hope is that with this recent discovery it will help the rest of us find better ways to deal with her and maintain our own sanity.

She has gotten worse over the last decade or so and has gone through several, jobs, relationships and friends. She vacillates between loving and hating her family. She will go years without speaking to us and will only do so again if we seek her out. We have tried to help her and do what she needs us to but it never seems to be enough. She often speaks of taking her own life and claims to have tried on more than one occasion. She is always seeking our advice and then telling us why we are wrong to tell her our opinion. I have sought therapy myself as a way of coping with her and my therapist has told me to break off communication with her in order to save myself. I walk away from almost every conversation with her thinking that I am losing my mind. I hope by putting a name to this disorder and with the help of others we can find away for all of us to find some balance.

[Phoenix.Rising]

  Unique1 and 

I'm sorry you are having a tough time with your sister, but I'm glad you found us!  This web forum has been extremely helpful to me.  I believe my Mom has BPD, and I recently dated a woman who I believe has BPD.  I'm glad to her you are going to therapy for yourself.  Is you sister older or younger?  Is she your only sibling?

When a family member has BPD, the illness can negatively everyone in the family system, including children, siblings, and in-laws. Senior members on the [L5]  Coping and Healing from a BPD Parent, Sibling, or Inlaw board are experienced with and can help you with setting boundaries, finding relief from FOG, encouraging self-care, improving your handling of relationships impacted by your BPD relative, and pursuing a path of recovery from traumatic experiences. The validation, information, and support will give you strength on your journey.

Phoenix.Rising

[Unique1]

My sister is older than me by several years and we do have another sister and brother. She and I were very close when we were younger which makes it even more difficult. She is constantly trying to make things the way they were when we were all at home and growing up, but she does not realize the damage she does and how that hurts the relationship. My brother lives a distance away from my mom, BPD sister, my other sister and myself. Therefore, he does not have the daily dealing that the rest of us do. At times it just seems so daunting and much easier not to have any contact at all, but none of us want that.

[Phoenix.Rising]

I'm glad to see you are posting on the Healing from a Relationship with a Relative with BPD Board.  You will find that there are members who understand exactly what you are going through, and who are able to help guide you on your path. 

I've found that the best thing I can do for my healing and mental health is to take steps to take care of me, regardless of how my loved ones are acting.  I do not have control over how they live their lives, but I do have some control over my life.  Peace to you.