Ideas for help with 16 y/o (started in new member intros)

[pessim-optimist]

So sorry to hear about your situation LynnieRe   

You and crumblingdad are in a similar situation - raising a 16 year old child wBPD is exremely stressful and the regular parental approaches usually do not help. It takes a lot of learning on the part of the parents to master the appropriate communication skills to be more effective with the children, AND it takes the child engaging THEIR free will in cooperating with the program... .It is so emotionally taxing and stressful on parents - we love our children, and we just want them to get better... .

It is good to have a plan to ensure safety, and our ability to take care of ourselves. It looks like you are doing that.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[vivekananda]

I can recall the frustration when my dd was 16. Well, there was the hurt, the sadness, the anger and the frustration really that clouded my judgements back then. Because I didn't know what I was dealing with, and because my dd wasn't violent, I avoided the fear. All these mixed emotions however, made for clouded judgements and ineffective communication on my behalf. I can only expect it is similar for yourselves.

I understand you are frantic with worry and anxieties, desperate for support from 'the system'. When there is little we can do the get the wheels of the system churning in our direction, when we can't change our beautiful children so they can act with a wisemind and address their desperate needs, we can take time to address our own needs and concerns in order to become better parents for our children.

I would like to recommend a book to you that I know was an eye opener for me and for many parents here who have read it: "You don't have to make everything all better" by G & J Lundsberg.

It is an easy read. It is not about BPD but about how we can with our communications improve our relationships with the people we love. It is a different perspective on validation. It is excellent.

thinking of you all,

Vivek    

ps there are other resources I can recommend to you. Do you want them?