What do you do when your BPD spouse is having a bad day?

[Viso]

Whenever my BPD H didnt have a good sleep, is tired or stressed... . he would be pissed off at everything, very irritated. He would rage about anything, like the car in front of him is taking a long time to turn into the intersection... . that the driver must be a stupid woman and should never be given a license. Everyone around him becomes stupid and in his way.

It bugs me because I don't know how to help him. And he would just walk out without saying goodbye to the kids and the kids would be wondering what happened. I tried leaving him alone to let his anger ease a bit over time. I tried talking and asking him what is causing his frustrations and if I could help. No matter what I do, it will always make him more upset and he would believe that I am the trigger to his bad days. Always cycling back to the "problem" where I don't know what gets him upset, how to comfort and care for him after 8 years of being together. I have asked him to teach me but I always got the same response, "You are stupid for not knowing, you don't even try. Go look back at your life and see how you can be a better person". I honestly thinks he doesn't know what he wants himself.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[hellokitty4]

I honestly thinks he doesn't know what he wants himself.

And this says it all... . they do not know what they  want... Or they know what they want, they just worry about what people will say and/or think.

[briefcase]

You are correct he doesn't know what he wants.  So, looking to him to provide answers probably just compounds his frustrations.  You will need to be the emotional leader in the relationship and model good behavior.