I really want her to make this guy miserable

[FinallyFreeInNYC]

Everyone always says "It will be the same with the next guy" but no one ever actually posts stories about the next relationship failing. I'm about 1 month NC (6 months after I BROKE UP WITH HER). Within two weeks of our breakup, she immediately leached onto another guy and they are still together. At this point for me, I feel like it would really help to read horror stories of exBPDs with their new victims. I believe reading them will help me see that I made the right choice to break up with her. For some reason, I can't shake the feeling that I could have made it work, and it bothers me to think that this next guy might.

MY STORY:

After we broke up, she sent me photos of her cutting herself (on her leg) with my name finger-painted in blood on it. The next day, I had to call the police and have a car sent to her house because she said she was going to kill herself. Trying to make sense of everything, it was about this time that I learned about BPD.

Within 2 weeks of our break up, she leached onto another guy. She went on OKCupid and deliberately found someone who attended a different graduate program at my school, and proceeded to parade her new relationship in front of me (on Facebook "checking in" with him at places we used to go to, etc). She moved-in with him almost immediately. (This is also likely because she could never afford to support herself, and had been leaching off of me for our entire relationship -- she hasn't paid rent in YEARS.) I told her that she likely has BPD. I also begged her to read about it.

After only 3 months with the new guy, he graduated and she followed him across the country (not before cheating on him with me before she left). While living across the country with him, she let me know that she has been diagnosed with BPD, she is doing DBT, and she is taking Prozac. She's still with the new guy 6 months after our breakup. He takes her on lavish vacations, buys her gifts, etc... . he doesn't seem to mind that she can't (and will never be able to) support herself. She can't hold onto a job and is a community college drop-out.

I'm glad that she's out of my life, but I can't help but wonder whether I got all the pain/grief of her BPD, and now the new guy is getting all of the benefits since she is in treatment now -- which is all because of me!

I suppose it's possible that they might live "happily ever after" and I'm torturing myself with how things might have gone differently if I had known she had BPD when we were together.

I know it's petty, but I really want her to make this guy miserable so I can feel better about the choice I made.

[snappafcw]

I'm really sorry you are going through this my friend... .

I'm about the same amount of time out as you and the situation is very similar. I think the reasons no one keeps tad of their ex's anymore is because the situation is no longer about them its about you. You deserve to heal, be happy and in a relationship that shows you the same love and respect that you give as well. The goal here is to detach and if we all keep account of our ex's future romances it stops us from moving on. I promise you everything you have been told is the truth and there is no time frame. People with BPD unless treated are ticking time bombs to their emotions.

[snappafcw]

Keep in mind there is no miracle cure as well. You ex has taken the first steps but it will take years to see progress.

[LoneWolf768]

I'm really sorry you are going through this my friend... .

I'm about the same amount of time out as you and the situation is very similar. I think the reasons no one keeps tabs of their ex's anymore is because the situation is no longer about them its about you. You deserve to heal, be happy and in a relationship that shows you the same love and respect that you give as well. The goal here is to detach and if we all keep account of our ex's future romances it stops us from moving on. I promise you everything you have been told is the truth and there is no time frame. People with BPD unless treated are ticking time bombs to their emotions.

EXCELLENT way to say it, Snap! We give up keeping tabs on our ex BPD'ers because, in my humble opinion, we begin to gain some momentum with the healing and we're keeping the focus on us. After a while, all we're doing is keeping the focus fixed on ourselves.

Fantastic post, Snap! ^5 to you!

[FogLight]

Do you really need an example?  Ok, I was a next guy, so was the one before that, and that, and him, and it, and them and those and you get the picture.  Lots of next guys and they (we) all failed miserably, lightly put.  As far as the one after me, I don't really know or care, I'm a year out and it feels pretty good.  But if I had to guess from experience, things are already bad.  Roughly 9 months without a peep from me and she's tried dozens of times to get in touch with me, random numbers, drive bys, blocked numbers, texting pretending to be other people, sitting in my driveway, and who knows what she'll come up with next.  When she does call or text, it's usually 4 or 5 times a day for about week before she gives up... . probably when they stopped fighting until the inevitable next time.

I understand why you would want to hear stories about things going to hell for the next guy too.  At one point, that would have been quite validating and definitely a little amusing for me.  Oh, and mine tried to cheat on him with me about 3 months after we broke up.  That was the only time I responded to her at all since we broke up, and it felt pretty good to shoot her sorry ass down.  Besides, your ex already cheated on the next guy, success story about to happen?  Maybe on a blue moon when pigs fly and hell freezes over.  I wouldn't worry about it though, besides, you're the one who dumped her.  You'll get to a point where you could care less either way.

[Perfidy]

Yap... Me too. I posted a thread on here about that. I was the next guy too at one time. I saw the pattern repeat itself in the next next guy. Seriously creepy. When you have the opportunity to see it from the outside looking in it gives a more realistic firsthand look at the disorder. How's your sense of humor today? I will apologize in advance if I offend anyone. If you really want to get one up on her just turn gay and put the moves on her new boyfriend. Think about it. That's funny!

[Ironmanrises]

Finally free,

It is a pattern of behavior. If she did it to you, it will only continue with the next person. Idealize. Devalue. Discard. For me, I do not know if my exUBPDgf is with someone else and in all honesty, it would only hurt me profoundly if I knew. Nonetheless, a good indicator of future behavior is past behavior. Round and round. Like a circle. I know it hurts. If you read the posts on here stretching back to 2007, almost all the stories are the same. Same behavior. Same exact outcome. Same exact hurt.

I still tumble. My Ironman suit could not protect me.

[Perfidy]

Me personally have had... . lessee... . I might be wrong but I think that I have had six relationships that I would label long term. More than a year. Of those six I only know of one ex that is still with her next guy. That girl and I split up 35 years ago. I was 17.  That being said the other five must certainly have BPD. Kidding. So I was with the one that has BPD for almost eight years. Umm... That's a long time. She was amazing to a certain extent. She was always VERY difficult to deal with on an ordinary level. Things that require a decision could be monumental in nature. Menus at restaurants seemed to be a huge deal to her. If I wanted to give her a gift she HAD to pick it out. She wanted final say in almost every decision that we made together. If I decided something she didn't agree with then I would be devalued and there were never any little deals. Even the smallest of decisions were huge deals to her and she would completely stress over the little stuff. This, I believe, is called neurosis. Ok... . Still with me? Now,BPD is BORDERLINE between neurosis and psychosis. Seriously. The neurotic part is tolerable. I feel that each and every one of we human beings has the quality of neurosis to some degree. The psychotic part... . Well... that is where the problem lies. Psychosis in any degree is not understandable by a sane person. Mental health professionals can be affected by their psychotic patients to the degree that they lose their own sanity. So when we live with these kind of illness for years we must be cared for ourselves. There is a clear pattern to non behavior just as there is a clear pattern to disordered behavior. They go hand in hand. Worrying about the ex is non behavior. Not caring about the ex is BPD behavior. Umm... We as nons must take on the qualities that hurt us and achieve indifference. Something that our partners seem to do casually. Who but a psychopath could hurt someone without feeling? Did they hurt us? Did we allow ourselves to be hurt? Did we hurt ourselves?

[papawapa]

This is what I know about my exBPDgf's new relationship... .

We are still on the same phone plan. I have access to her phone records online. After she left me she continued to talk to other men behind his back. She pulled her disappearing act on him on the fourth of July. On July twelfth she showed up at her daughters house intoxicated and had split him back, told her she hated him. I found out from the replacements sister this week that the two of them get drunk frequently and they fight every time her accusing him of cheating. Her boss told me this week how she was saying that she can't stand him and he had threatened to kick her out. For the last two weeks she has been going behind his back texting and calling me. She hasn't changed. After three months her new relationship is as bad as it took ours twelve years to degrade to.


Your ex is putting up a good front. It seems a lot of them do. But she is still the same and her relationship is not all she is leading you to believe it is.

[Hazelrah]

As we are all too familiar with by now, one of the DSM's criteria for BPD diagnosis is "a pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation."  Seeing as that's the case, the odds are high that there will be no happy ending with the "next guy". 

My W has recently recycled an old boyfriend who, if I put the pieces of the puzzle together properly, she has likely spilt black a number of times.  I know she did it early in our relationship, when I'd been told they were only friends, and I know she did it earlier this year after she'd run to him following her nervous breakdown when my mother died--she said she realized what a despicable person he was for having tried to seduce a married woman.  And yet here we are 7-8 months later, and she's now involved with that very same person.  What are the odds it is magically going to work this time?  That's a rhetorical question, BTW.

[charred]

My exBPDgf... we were supposed to move in together, she went NC 3 days before I was to come down and start moving and two weeks later was on FB with posom. Had all kinds of flowery wonderful stuff to say about him. Then she started trying to contact me and I ignored her then blocked her on everything I could.

After a few months she posted pics of her and her new guy a few miles from my house, looking so happy (she had to take a 200+ mile trip to do it)... and I kept ignoring her. Then she left a voice mail (had phone set to go direct to voicemail for her only... should have had number blocked.) Her message was I have great news... need to talk to you. Then finally she left a message that the great news was that she didn't have herpes and her new guy was SO HAPPY.  Just another nasty dig.

Anyway the holidays come and suddenly all his pics were gone and she was talking about coping with the end of the r/s. Then she was talking about needing a procedure... and was playing for sympathy.

Curiosity got the better of me, contacted her and she told me the procedure was for an STD he had given her... . and he had told her she was nothing special... . so then she wanted sympathy from me.

I told her we could be friends... was sympathetic, but I was always a bit too busy to see her or make the trip... then she got mad and said she wasn't going to be wasting her time with me, that she couldn't be around hand holding and being a crutch for all my problems. (I laughed at the absurdity... . and let her know that was fine with me.)  Been NC ever since. 

[dangoldfool]

Everyone always says "It will be the same with the next guy" but no one ever actually posts stories about the next relationship failing. I'm about 1 month NC (6 months after I BROKE UP WITH HER). Within two weeks of our breakup, she immediately leached onto another guy and they are still together. At this point for me, I feel like it would really help to read horror stories of exBPDs with their new victims. I believe reading them will help me see that I made the right choice to break up with her. For some reason, I can't shake the feeling that I could have made it work, and it bothers me to think that this next guy might.

MY STORY:

After we broke up, she sent me photos of her cutting herself (on her leg) with my name finger-painted in blood on it. The next day, I had to call the police and have a car sent to her house because she said she was going to kill herself. Trying to make sense of everything, it was about this time that I learned about BPD.

Within 2 weeks of our break up, she leached onto another guy. She went on OKCupid and deliberately found someone who attended a different graduate program at my school, and proceeded to parade her new relationship in front of me (on Facebook "checking in" with him at places we used to go to, etc). She moved-in with him almost immediately. (This is also likely because she could never afford to support herself, and had been leaching off of me for our entire relationship -- she hasn't paid rent in YEARS.) I told her that she likely has BPD. I also begged her to read about it.

After only 3 months with the new guy, he graduated and she followed him across the country (not before cheating on him with me before she left). While living across the country with him, she let me know that she has been diagnosed with BPD, she is doing DBT, and she is taking Prozac. She's still with the new guy 6 months after our breakup. He takes her on lavish vacations, buys her gifts, etc... . he doesn't seem to mind that she can't (and will never be able to) support herself. She can't hold onto a job and is a community college drop-out.

I'm glad that she's out of my life, but I can't help but wonder whether I got all the pain/grief of her BPD, and now the new guy is getting all of the benefits since she is in treatment now -- which is all because of me!

I suppose it's possible that they might live "happily ever after" and I'm torturing myself with how things might have gone differently if I had known she had BPD when we were together.

I know it's petty, but I really want her to make this guy miserable so I can feel better about the choice I made.

I know what you mean, But even if you made a mistake on dumping her. Would you really want to deal with the walking on egg shells? Or her possibly cheating on you when your at work? I say no f-ing way. I would like to see my ex GF crash and burn as well. But really her life has to really suck, jumping from one relationship to another. Never really being truly happy. They are just content for a little while, until the wow factor wears off. And then they are off to another wow factor.

Stop trying to track her or follow her on facebook. It will just pro-long your pain. Been there, done that.

[Bananas]

Go to the L1 Board and read New Member Introductions.  Many stories posted there of the next guy/girl.  

I am with you though, as if the next relationship failing will help me to feel better.  But as time passes I am realizing it really won't, only I can make myself feel better.  The next relationship failing will not change the fact that my relationship with my ex was extremely disordered.  

[FinallyFreeInNYC]

Thank you for your replies, everyone. I really appreciate the support.

I guess my problem is that she claims to be in treatment now -- doing DBT and taking Prozac (which I can't confirm because she is living across the country with the new guy). It's killing me because after our break up I was the one who told her about BPD -- and now I'm extremely bitter that the next guy might not go through the hell she put me through, and that maybe I should have taken her back when she begged me to. Maybe I could have made it work if she were in treatment with me.

On the other hand -- after our break up, I think I was merely a victim of her TRIANGULATION:

The last contact I had with her was a little over a month ago. She texted me begging to talk because she was having an "extremely hard day." I agreed to take the phone call because she claimed I'm "the only person who understands" her --

She was crying about her new boyfriend "bullying her out of the house" with a pile of her resumes and making her go out and deliver them to local businesses. Apparently this happened because she lost her bartending job, her "couchsurfing with her friends" plans didn't work out, and she was "forced to" move-in with him since she didn't have a job. She was crying.

The following week, she texted me to let me know: 1) she got a job, 2) she got an apt, and 3) she's on medication. She also thanked me for my help. I told her "great job -- keep it up!"

That's when I realized that my continued contact/support was essentially a way FOR HER keep her "primary" relationship alive. Since then I have blocked her phone number (through the phone company), blocked her emails (with email filters and auto-reply "not delivered" messages), and blocked all social media. Even social media which I can't block, I have not looked at. I have no idea whether she has tried to contact me. I didn't even warn her that I was going NC.

Still, there's a small part of my brain which wonders if she's going to get better and they are going to sail off into the sunset together. It's killing me.

[seeking balance]

Still, there's a small part of my brain which wonders if she's going to get better and they are going to sail off into the sunset together. It's killing me.

Have you spent some time reading stories about what "getting better" actually looks like?

Your version of getting better is likely not the same as what it looks like for a pwBPD to get better.

A great book for you to read is The Buddha and the Borderline - very real, very honest, symptom-free

After you read it, tell me if that is what your version of "getting better" would be.

[FinallyFreeInNYC]

Thanks for the recommendation, SeekingBalance. I will check it out!

[Octoberfest]

From the conflicting information I have heard, my BPDex may be dating two guys at once.  Or she may have left the first one, but I know for sure she is with the second.  The second is one who was "just a friend"... . and he is fat, greasy, trashy, and does cocaine.  A huge step down from me if I do say so myself.  If she leaves him or she cheats on him and he leaves her, I have my validation that she can't pull it off with the new guy.  If they stay together, I get the validation of knowing that she has picked a pretty ___ty guy to date and that all of her problems are still there.  I can't lose really.  But, as mentioned, it is A LOT more about YOU than it is her.  Wanting her relationship to fail is about you, not her.  And ultimately at some point we realize that what happens with our BPDex's in their lives is not our concern.  We each have an awful lot of life to live of our own, and worrying about what a person who has pretty poor character and who has hurt us quite a bit is doing is pointless.

[Octoberfest]

I mean in honesty, I wouldn't say I am completely to the having let go point I described in my post.  But I am working towards it.  Last night I had someone who knew the guy, while she agreed he was sketchy and trashy, tell me that "I mean he is good to her".  That was a bit weird to hear, but you know... . I was good to her too.  I was great to her, the best I could be considering all of the things she threw my way.  I don't know if she chose to get with a guy who is as ___ty as she thinks she is and feels because she doesn't feel like she deserves any better... . I know she told me when we split that "I was never good for you, you are so much better of a person than I could ever dream of being, and as sad as that is we both know it is true".  It is hard to fully let go.

[Moonie75]

I firmly believe they get WORSE in each relationship! I'm convinced of it.

Their disordered 'acting out' is largely shame/guilt based. They cannot face their own shame & wrong doings but because they can't face it, they can't lay any of it to rest or make piece with it. Only option left is to CARRY IT INTO NEW RELATIONSHIP AS EXTRA BAGGAGE.

My ex got progressively worse after each recycle (because she was subconsciously carrying more shame each time around).

I had it worse than my predecessor & he had it worse than his... .

I'm the neighbors predecessor & he'll get it worse than me because she's now carrying the shame of what she did in our relationship.

Ya get me?

[TheDude]

Please post stories of it failing with the NEXT GUY

Better yet, how about stories of succeeding with the NEXT GIRL (for those of us on this end of the equation)? 

[Dave44]

My exBPDgf... we were supposed to move in together, she went NC 3 days before I was to come down and start moving and two weeks later was on FB with posom. Had all kinds of flowery wonderful stuff to say about him. Then she started trying to contact me and I ignored her then blocked her on everything I could.

After a few months she posted pics of her and her new guy a few miles from my house, looking so happy (she had to take a 200+ mile trip to do it)... and I kept ignoring her. Then she left a voice mail (had phone set to go direct to voicemail for her only... should have had number blocked.) Her message was I have great news... need to talk to you. Then finally she left a message that the great news was that she didn't have herpes and her new guy was SO HAPPY.  Just another nasty dig.

Anyway the holidays come and suddenly all his pics were gone and she was talking about coping with the end of the r/s. Then she was talking about needing a procedure... and was playing for sympathy.

Curiosity got the better of me, contacted her and she told me the procedure was for an STD he had given her... . and he had told her she was nothing special... . so then she wanted sympathy from me.

I told her we could be friends... was sympathetic, but I was always a bit too busy to see her or make the trip... then she got mad and said she wasn't going to be wasting her time with me, that she couldn't be around hand holding and being a crutch for all my problems. (I laughed at the absurdity... . and let her know that was fine with me.)  Been NC ever since. 

I've said it a million times before and I'll say it a million times again... . I JUST DON'T GET IT. When my ex dumped me and cut me out of her life I never heard a single thing from her again. Not a word, not a peep, zlitch, notta, NOHING! There wasn't any of this make me feel jelouse games, or checking up on me... . heck I didn't even get a chance to block her on social media, she blocked me from everything. Really drives me nuts to read stuff like this. Sure I read the odd story of ex's vanishing on here but 99.99999999999% of the stories I read on here involve the ex's always remaining in some sort of contact and or recycling. MUST BE NICE!

[dangoldfool]

Please post stories of it failing with the NEXT GUY

Better yet, how about stories of succeeding with the NEXT GIRL (for those of us on this end of the equation)? 

I'm still waiting to tell that story. Only 10 weeks out of the relationship. After a BPD relationship. I don't think any relationship would be considered a bad one.

[Perfidy]

Dave44 thank your lucky stars. There ain't nothing nice about post breakup contact. It's all a bunch of childish nonsense that causes even more hurt. Exes be exes for a reason.

[TheDude]

... . but 99.99999999999% of the stories I read on here involve the ex's always remaining in some sort of contact and or recycling. MUST BE NICE!

Trust me, there's nothing "NICE" about it... . at all.

After a BPD relationship. I don't think any relationship would be considered a bad one.

I said the same thing about leaving a relationship with an alcoholic. Little did I know what future dysfunction was in store. Hmm. Maybe I can find me an old fashioned paranoid schizophrenic with multiple personalities! 

[Moonie75]

... . but 99.99999999999% of the stories I read on here involve the ex's always remaining in some sort of contact and or recycling. MUST BE NICE!

Trust me, there's nothing "NICE" about it... . at all.

After a BPD relationship. I don't think any relationship would be considered a bad one.

I said the same thing about leaving a relationship with an alcoholic. Little did I know what future dysfunction was in store. Hmm. Maybe I can find me an old fashioned paranoid schizophrenic with multiple personalities! 

I genuinely haven't laughed so hard for a long long time as I did just when i read that!

From the bottom of my heart, Thank you

[MatOfTheDoor]

Well for me things keep getting stranger. My wife of 7 years began cheating once again on Facebook 3 months ago and then flew out of state to make it physical. I filed for divorce and am awaiting judges signature. I was painted black by the wife and the new guy is the king of the world, well was. Don't really want to get into all the borderline behavior over the last 8 years so I will keep this short. Wife tells me her new guy & her talked about getting married and they were going to have the perfect relationship but she still wants me to be best of friends for life. She says, please don't abandon me. So, after 3 months she is ready to get married to a new guy and we are still legally married. She didn't even admit to the affair and told her friends she didn't know why I was divorcing her. Suddenly new guy blocks her from Facebook and its over according to my wife. Now she is trying to reverse course and paint the new guy black and me white again. Sorry, too late for that, I've had enough. I will be moving 1,200 miles from her and divorce will be final soon. Any bets next week new guy is painted white again & me black? So, yes if your partner is borderline the pattern will keep repeating and the next new guy will be on these boards soon enough. For me it doesn't matter if my wife is borderline anymore because all that matters is we had a horrible relationship and I need to address myself and my issues because I want my next relationship to be healthy. As far as the Next Girl, it will be awhile before I ever date again.

[haliewa1]

These days it's easy to be tempted to follow the ex on social media.  That is a huge mistake that will only delay a healthier you!  My exBPDgf was all over social media immediately after the breakup.  She was trying too hard as her friends would say.  I had to literally logoff and not contact any of my friends via Facebook, Twitter, etc.  I communicated the old fashioned way, via telephone!  Not knowing what she was up to helped me move forward.  I stopped second guessing myself and realized that it was just me now and I needed to be healthy for the first time in a while!

I actually survived without social media and here I thought there was no way I could! 

[charred]

My exBPDgf... we were supposed to move in together, she went NC 3 days before I was to come down and start moving and two weeks later was on FB with posom. Had all kinds of flowery wonderful stuff to say about him. Then she started trying to contact me and I ignored her then blocked her on everything I could.

After a few months she posted pics of her and her new guy a few miles from my house, looking so happy (she had to take a 200+ mile trip to do it)... and I kept ignoring her. Then she left a voice mail (had phone set to go direct to voicemail for her only... should have had number blocked.) Her message was I have great news... need to talk to you. Then finally she left a message that the great news was that she didn't have herpes and her new guy was SO HAPPY.  Just another nasty dig.

Anyway the holidays come and suddenly all his pics were gone and she was talking about coping with the end of the r/s. Then she was talking about needing a procedure... and was playing for sympathy.

Curiosity got the better of me, contacted her and she told me the procedure was for an STD he had given her... . and he had told her she was nothing special... . so then she wanted sympathy from me.

I told her we could be friends... was sympathetic, but I was always a bit too busy to see her or make the trip... then she got mad and said she wasn't going to be wasting her time with me, that she couldn't be around hand holding and being a crutch for all my problems. (I laughed at the absurdity... . and let her know that was fine with me.)  Been NC ever since. 

I've said it a million times before and I'll say it a million times again... . I JUST DON'T GET IT. When my ex dumped me and cut me out of her life I never heard a single thing from her again. Not a word, not a peep, zlitch, notta, NOHING! There wasn't any of this make me feel jelouse games, or checking up on me... . heck I didn't even get a chance to block her on social media, she blocked me from everything. Really drives me nuts to read stuff like this. Sure I read the odd story of ex's vanishing on here but 99.99999999999% of the stories I read on here involve the ex's always remaining in some sort of contact and or recycling. MUST BE NICE!

First time around she didn't contact me again... was some 26 yrs before she did... on FB, and it led to a divorce and general devastation in my file. We recycled 7-8 times... . I am in treatment for PTSD now. She is just like Jodi Arias... as a hater she could easily shoot, stab and slice my throat.

Must be nice? Was the single worst thing in my life so far. Be careful what you wish for... . with a pwBPD... it can always be worse.

[Dave44]

My exBPDgf... we were supposed to move in together, she went NC 3 days before I was to come down and start moving and two weeks later was on FB with posom. Had all kinds of flowery wonderful stuff to say about him. Then she started trying to contact me and I ignored her then blocked her on everything I could.

After a few months she posted pics of her and her new guy a few miles from my house, looking so happy (she had to take a 200+ mile trip to do it)... and I kept ignoring her. Then she left a voice mail (had phone set to go direct to voicemail for her only... should have had number blocked.) Her message was I have great news... need to talk to you. Then finally she left a message that the great news was that she didn't have herpes and her new guy was SO HAPPY.  Just another nasty dig.

Anyway the holidays come and suddenly all his pics were gone and she was talking about coping with the end of the r/s. Then she was talking about needing a procedure... and was playing for sympathy.

Curiosity got the better of me, contacted her and she told me the procedure was for an STD he had given her... . and he had told her she was nothing special... . so then she wanted sympathy from me.

I told her we could be friends... was sympathetic, but I was always a bit too busy to see her or make the trip... then she got mad and said she wasn't going to be wasting her time with me, that she couldn't be around hand holding and being a crutch for all my problems. (I laughed at the absurdity... . and let her know that was fine with me.)  Been NC ever since. 

I've said it a million times before and I'll say it a million times again... . I JUST DON'T GET IT. When my ex dumped me and cut me out of her life I never heard a single thing from her again. Not a word, not a peep, zlitch, notta, NOHING! There wasn't any of this make me feel jelouse games, or checking up on me... . heck I didn't even get a chance to block her on social media, she blocked me from everything. Really drives me nuts to read stuff like this. Sure I read the odd story of ex's vanishing on here but 99.99999999999% of the stories I read on here involve the ex's always remaining in some sort of contact and or recycling. MUST BE NICE!

First time around she didn't contact me again... was some 26 yrs before she did... on FB, and it led to a divorce and general devastation in my file. We recycled 7-8 times... . I am in treatment for PTSD now. She is just like Jodi Arias... as a hater she could easily shoot, stab and slice my throat.

Must be nice? Was the single worst thing in my life so far. Be careful what you wish for... . with a pwBPD... it can always be worse.

Obviously my comment had a lot of sarcasm. It's just been so tough to deal with the fact that she dropped me on my head SO severely. She cut me out of her life and ignored me so hard it made me question my own existence. I know I should NEVER turn to her for validation but something, even just the LITTLEST form of reaching out or contact would at the very least give me some validation. Trust me, I don't want her back. But I do exist, I am still here and considering she wanted to marry me less than 48 hours of her ending it you'd think I'd be at the very least worthy for SOME form of contact. Instead I'm left wondering if it all just happened, or was I just dreaming... .

[gallerykey]

Dave44, i know how you feel, i think the same. Im sure if it happened i wouldnt feel so good but right now all i can think is why is everyone getting contact and im not!

Thinking they love you so completely one day to complete emptiness the next, no goodbye, no take care, no nothing... . i keep thinking if i meant anything to him he would make contact, but then on the same note i know i meant nothing to him anyway, none of us did, so if he did it would only be for him and i dont need reminders of it always being about him.

Im glad my ex has gone to his mums as its about 70 miles away so i will never have to see him again, thats the only way i can get through this. If i saw him it would break me. Its a love hate feeling at the moment, working towards indifference.

Its never going to have a happy ending, no matter who they end up with. 

With time, love and care we will move on and find happiness, its sad that no matter what they wont. I do feel sorry for my ex, its not his fault but at the same time he could of stuck to therapy and given it a real go for him.

I wouldnt want to be the next one, would you?