Hi Pipper99,
It sounds like the past year has been drama free and wonderful. With a borderline parent, we are often made to feel guilty if we don't do what they want, because we have been placed in a position of needing to take care of them (where they should be taking care of us). At least, that is how my uBPD mom is- and she won't get treatment either.
My perspective on mental illness is slightly different because I am raising a child (adopted) who has many mental health conditions that are quite severe at times (reactive attachment disorder- RAD, and bipolar disorder). I have learned that although the behavior is horrific, the intent behind the behavior is not something she is consciously aware of. I like to think of it as the person has a bad behavior monster suit on and the "real" person is locked up deep underneath it. When the mental illness is mild, the "real" person is able to put the monster suit away for a time, or if the suit gets put on it doesn't stay on for long. However, when the illness is more severe, the person doesn't realize they are wearing the monster suit- but that doesn't make much of a difference to you when the monster is ripping you apart. (Or at least that is my experience. It can feel deliberate and malicious)
All moms love their children, but not all of them have parenting skills or are in a mental state to where they can raise children in a loving and nurturing way. If your mom is able to get help, then it is possible for the monster suit to not get worn and you might be able to have a more loving relationship with her.
It sounds like you have done good to set up boundaries.
There will be all sorts of manipulative behavior to guilt you into doing what your mom wants, and I bet it is overwhelming at times, but you are seeing through it all and doing what is best for you.
Stay strong and good luck to you.
~Bella
