Could it be BPD?

[Firsttimemummy]

Hi,

Went to a counsellor yesterday for the first time to discuss my ongoing relationship with my Mum with someone. I'm pregnant with my first child and I'm struggling with the relationship with my Mum, I felt the need to go and speak to someone to get some perspective on the how my Mum can be.

After talking about my situation for half an hour the counsellor suggested thatthe behaviour my Mum exhibits is consistent with BPD. I wasn't aware of this as a condition, my Sister and I just thought we had a difficult Mum.

Reading about this condition has really opened my eyes as a lot of the information I'm coming across is so consistent with how she is. As a family we've been torn apart, individually we have massive feelings of guilt, anger, sadness.

Am I right to make the assumption that this could be the cause for why my Mum is like she is after all these years without herself being diagnosed?

[DreamFlyer99]

hi Firsttimemummy and 

My mother was "difficult" as well--sometimes I think we can't see what's going on, because it can be normal sorts of issues but on steroids! They can take a snowball and turn it into an avalanche, right? It was only in talking with my T (therapist) that I even thought about what might have been going on in my r/s (relationship) with my mother, and realized my mother had Narcissistic traits, and then when I read Randi Kreger's book "Stop Walking on Eggshells" I realized my mother was all over those pages. And honestly, for me the "knowing" , the understanding of where that person is coming from so I don't trigger things that are more easily triggered for them has really helped. (turns out my husband of 37 years has BPD traits too.) So the knowledge is helpful, even without the person themselves having a diagnosis.

Take a look at this video and see what you think: Video-What is Borderline Personality Disorder? There were a lot of "ahah!" moments for me!

There are a lot of tools for communication, boundaries, self-care, loads of things to be found. Let me know what you thought of the video, and then if you have questions about certain things i'd be happy to direct you to some of the other info here. And of course feel free to just poke around.

[heartandwhole]

 

Hi Firsttimemummy,

I'm glad that you reached out.  I'm sorry about your struggles with guilt, anger, and sadness, that is very difficult, especially when you are preparing to be a mother yourself. So many of us understand these feelings, you are not alone.  You have found a great place for support and understanding.  We have lots of tools that can help. There is hope for a better relationship with your mum.

As for making the assumption that your mum has BPD, obviously we can't diagnose here - only a qualified professional can do that - but the information and tools you will find on this site very likely help a lot, even if your mother isn't officially diagnosed.

Does your mother have any awareness of her issues?  Has she ever been in therapy?  How often do you see her, and what behaviors are the most challenging right now?

Here are some links that may help you right now: Video-What is Borderline Personality Disorder?

How a Mother with Borderline Personality Disorder Affects Her Children

Keep posting, it helps to share.  We are here to support you, and we care.  

heartandwhole

[zone out]

Hi Firsttimemummy

There are masses of us out there with uBPD loved ones.  The high functioning ones, of which my mother is one, could fool any medical/psychiatric assessment.  As you read through the posts, the articles etc on this site you will have a lot of 'ahhh' moments - so many of us have such similar experiences.  I, like you always thought my mother was 'difficult' until a few months ago when I did an online personality disorder test on her behalf and BPD popped up loud and clear.  I then found this site and am ever thankful that I did - it took me until my 50s to find out but better late than never.  Instead of dwelling on my situation I now get on the site and it is really helping me to emotionally detach from the situation, I look on my mother as somewhat of a project - although I still have days when she really gets to me.

The fact that you are pregnant with your first child is an important aspect - you have the perfect 'excuse' as if one were needed to shift your focus to your child.  Be prepared and ready for a bit of jealousy or over the top 'granny behavior' -it would not be beyond the BPD to try and undermine the mother.  My children have grown up now but if I were honest I would have to admit that there were times when I allowed my mother to get to me to such an extent that I was emotionally absent with them.  Fortunately their father would have made up for it.  This is such a great time in your life, enjoy it!

All best wishes to you.

Zone out