Are we ever off their 'radar

[Iamdizzy]

I must say that I'm doing a lot better! It's still bumpy but it's going well.

I had to a meeting in her town a few days ago and while walking to the meeting, I was hypervigilant. My eyes scanned the area continuously I was also looking around every 5 seconds because I didn't want to be spotted, I must of looked like a madman.

This thought popped into my head, I haven't heard from her in a while and I changed my # so there is absolutely no way she can contact me.

So... . Is it safe to say that I won't be contacted anymore? Am I off her radar?   I really wouldn't want any sort of contact. I feel that I am at a much better point right now and I don't want to take 5 steps back by any sort of communication on her part.

[fromheeltoheal]

Mine found me after 25 years; I don't think there's a limit.

The way it will work is if she happens to think of you at a time where she needs soothing, and she can find you, she might.  When you show up on her radar is completely random though, and you're not the only one, if she's anything like mine.

[Scout99]

Pw BPD do have their disorder in common but there are a lot of individual differences both in personality, severity of the disorder, behavioral patterns and so on... . So there is no one answer to your question... . She might try to contact you in the future. Again she might not... .

The important thing is that you keep focusing on your healing process and yourself, so that if she one day would suddenly contact you - you will be able to feel indifferent about it. And can know with confidence on the inside that you have healed and moved on with your life! 

So just hang in there and be accepting and forgiving towards yourself also for being worried about bumping into her now, when you do not yet feel ready for such an encounter. You will get there!

Best Wishes

Scout99

[Ironmanrises]

Iamdizzy,

When my exUBPDgf left me first time, she raged at me really badly. Then discarded me.

3 months of NC... . And she re-engages me. She stalked me entire time i was NC.

Unbeknownst to me.

She left me 48 days ago.

Based on her previous behavior... . Likelihood of future contact from her is high.

I have to protect myself from that.

She will only hurt me.

I thought i was off of her radar when she left me first time.

I was so wrong.

My free fall from space continues.

[Reg]

Iamdizzy,

Fact is that with someone with borderline you never know.  They can always take contact again, but that's no reason to be paranoid for the rest of your life on that matter.  If it has to happen, it will happen.

It's been two months and a half since I last saw my ex partner.  Two and a half weeks ago I had to take contact by e-mail with her because she is not respecting a financial agreement.  She used it to tell me she never ever wanted to have to do anything with me again.  And I had to wait, she would pay before the end of the month, she didn't by the way... .   Funny was that she accused me of looking for a reason to take contact.  I said to her pay me on time as agreed and you will never have to hear anything from me.  9 days ago she slowly did pass my house when I was closing the garage door.  In another car, but with the same licence plate... .   She lives 55 miles away and doesn't have contact with anyone over here... .

I'm just using this example to show you how fast their 'opinion' can change.

So I could just be paranoid about this myself.  I'm not. If I have to face her, I'll do so.  Will that make me happy ? No.  But she's no longer part of my life, and she certainly isn't controlling it ! I am in control of my own life.

Remind yourself about that ! You are in control of your own life, not her.  That is the past, where she tried to do so.  How long you live in that past is upto you and you only ! Don't forget that either 

Take care of yourself, enjoy the new opportunities and chances you get in life and be open for them !

Reg

[Clearmind]

Nope we really don't know. I guess what is the point of contact? Contact means something different to you.

When you find yourself wondering about whether you will be contacted or not turn the focus on you and your own healing. If we want to move forward we cannot keep looking back.

[Iamdizzy]

I understand no one could give me a definitive answer as all BPDs are different. I've read so many stories on here that they pursue their ex while my BPDex is practically non existent. I think made it clear not to ever contact me anymore. I just hope she never contacts me.

[blurry]

Had a fling with my BPD wife 5.5 years ago and she broke it off 3 weeks into it, id say she reached out to me 4 times over the next 4 years but I ignored her because it was just a fling to me and I had no reason to respond, as I was in a relationship. Well, spring of 2012 she reaches out again and I happen to be single at the time... . so that makes 5 times she had reached out to me during breaks in her relationship with her ex, and this time I took the bait. She went back and slept with him 5 months into our relationship, and now fast forward to more recent, 9 months after she recycled him in oct, we get married in mid july, she leaves again august 12th, guess who she tries moving in with the very night she left me? Mind you that was less than a month after we got married and the fight had statted that morning cause I was simply curious why she skipped physical therapy for a neck/spine condition, and wasn't happy with the answef " its none of your business". Makes me wonder what dialog she had with him between oct and august ( they share joint custody of a kid and she always told me they basically had no dialog other than things regarding the child), that she would be comfortable enough asking him to let her move back in 3 weeks after marrying me. So no the mere fact that she had the #$%%& to try to move in with him leads me to have to believe something more was going on that whole time.

Anyway, back on topic, he got recycled after 5 months and another attempt 9 months later while she was a newly wed, and I got recycled after 4 years, 3 weeks, 11 weeks, 1 month personally, not including shorter breakups of 5 days, 2 days and 3 weeks. Can't wait to see that sincere apology and promise of undying love get texted to me, its 3 weeks and counting as we speak.

[WXYZ]

Are we ever off their 'radar?  

This might sound a bit harsh but I just don't care anymore.

Don't get me wrong, I wish her all the best for the future but in all honesty I just don't give

a rat's A$$ if I'm on her radar or not.

She knows full well I don't want her in my life (or my family's) & she also knows I mean business

& am prepared to take legal action at the drop of a hat if she oversteps this boundary.

No 'refunds'  

No means No !

[papawapa]

I don't think we are ever off their radar, even when they paint us black and tell us things like they hate us, will never speak to us again, want nothing to do with us in the future. The best they can do is box us up in bad memories and put us on a shelf. Once they get angry with and paint the replacement back they dust off the bad memories of us and remember that we were once good to them. When they get stressed over the replacement they will seek us for comfort. This has been my experience.

[mcc503764]

I don't think we are ever off their radar, even when they paint us black and tell us things like they hate us, will never speak to us again, want nothing to do with us in the future. The best they can do is box us up in bad memories and put us on a shelf. Once they get angry with and paint the replacement back they dust off the bad memories of us and remember that we were once good to them. When they get stressed over the replacement they will seek us for comfort. This has been my experience.

SPOT ON with this one!  Only when they NEED something or when another rebound is going on... .

Fact is... . IT IS NEVER SINCERE! 

My x serves NO PURPOSE in MY life!  I ask myself, what in the hell could she possibly provide me with at this point that I cant provide to MYSELF?  The answer is NOTHING!

MCC

[Iamdizzy]

Thank you all for reminding me that any sort of contact from her would NOT be sincere!

Like in the relationship, She was investing in herself NOT US.