really struggling today

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

Today Is a struggling day for me. Most of the week Ive been ok. Trying to stay busy working and working out. I guess maybe since I havent heard from her this week is throwing me into a withdrawl. I dont know. Plus football season starts and our favorite team plays this weekend and we always watch the first game together with friends so I know she will be doing that while I have to watch by myself. Since most of our friends was her friends before the relationship she maintain them. my friends arent into football so I will have to watch alone while she will be having the time of her life. Not hearing from her was a blessing and not. i wish i could just wipe out all memory of her.

I still struggle of how to get past this.

[mitchell16]

Today Is a struggling day for me. Most of the week Ive been ok. Trying to stay busy working and working out. I guess maybe since I havent heard from her this week is throwing me into a withdrawl. I dont know. Plus football season starts and our favorite team plays this weekend and we always watch the first game together with friends so I know she will be doing that while I have to watch by myself. Since most of our friends was her friends before the relationship she maintain them. my friends arent into football so I will have to watch alone while she will be having the time of her life. Not hearing from her was a blessing and not. i wish i could just wipe out all memory of her.

I still struggle of how to get past this.

[Zack]

Mitch

I find that some days are a lot worse than other days... . especially when I think about the good times myself and ex spent together.

My advice would be try not to text or get in contact... . the outcome will more than likely make you feel worse and throw you off balance. She may not reply... . which would tear you up a little and make you want to text her again, or she may reply with something that doesn't sit well with you... . try not to engage.

Tomorrow is another day marked up with NC... . just get through today and give yourself a pat on the back tomorrow.

Zack

[winston72]

Hey Mitchell... . thanks for your post.  I can feel your pain.  I suppose that is a good thing for both of us... . meaning we are in touch with what we are really feeling!  Actually, I am serious about that, although I would rather not be in pain myself.

Just a quick reaction to your post.  I too find myself thinking imagining that my ex is now happy and bouncing through life with purpose and joy.  It is an odd place for my thoughts to go.  She was not that way before I met her or while we were together, so there is not much reason to think she will suddenly be that way without me.  For me, there is a dimension of self-abuse or at least self-flagellation to imagine her to be so happy while I am so sad. 

The path forward for me has been to define and pursue my own happiness and not to calibrate myself to my fantasy about her state of being.

This being said, I am pleased that football season has begun... . and hope to find someone to watch it with me this fall!

[mitchell16]

thank you. Im am struggling but im strong enough in my resolved to not contact her that i wont call or text her. I know what that will lead to, more pain. Ive been there and done that. we had about 6 break ups since that last time I made that mistake and it wasnt pretty. So i dont have to get bit again. I remember very well what that felt like. of course if she texted I could cave.

reflecting on the good times makes it hard but I also remember the bad. Which was alot. so that it is my motivation to stay strong. It gets hard knowing she is right next door to me and I have to see her car or see her everyday. Plus her co-worker best friend calls me every day. I dont ask about her nor does she mention her but Its a huge trigger for me just knowing.

[Ironmanrises]

Mitchell,

I know how you are feeling. I know that pain.

It is awful.

I am truly sorry you are struggling.

We hear your words.

I struggle with this experience too.

I try and digest it, only to vomit it back up.

My free fall from space continues.

[seeking balance]

I still struggle of how to get past this.

You get past by creating a new normal - it will be awkward the first time, but it gets better.  This is not any different than when a spouse dies and life goes on.  It is hard, but life does move forward and you will be ok.  There will be new times with new people.

I remember the firsts, they were hard but most of the time (please really hear this) - Not nearly as hard as the pain I was creating in my own mind.  By staying in the moment and by accepting the moment, it did not hurt as much as the FEAR I was projecting into the future events.

FEAR - False, Expectations, Appearing, Real

Mitchell, you will be ok - create a new normal.

Best,

SB