just nervous and scared

[willtimeheal]

Next week work starts. I will see my ex BPD for the first time in months. I have come a long way in the past few months and I have actually been able to enjoy my life at times and forget about her at times. But as next week approaches I am scared to see her. She left me for someone else and broke my heart. While with the other person she kept messaging me saying she loved me and then I heard nothing for a whole month. Then I got a message saying she broke up with the person she left me for. I am nervous and scared to see her. I don't know what to expect. Part of me is so disgusted with her and the other part of me loves her. What do I do.

[Surnia]

Willtimeheal

I would be nervous too! And nowing that she broke up with the other guy does not make things easier.

What exactly do you fear?

Part of me is so disgusted with her and the other part of me loves her. What do I do.

Loving someone does not mean necessarily you have a rs with this person... . Perhaps it could be helpful to rethink what kind of relationship do you want and if this is realistic with her.

[Inside]

…I envision a school setting...   Had you broken up before?  And if so, was it her fault?  My 2.4 years experience with uBPDgf has included multiple recycles ... . while never getting back to ‘where we once were.’ 

Mine works on her timeline, not mine.  When she desires a spree, I’m shoved away.  When she’s done, or bored - she contacts me.  As I’ve not found anyone to replace her with …there I am

I’d suggest you do things at your pace – not hers.  Sounds like you had a month of pain, why not return the favor?  Be cordial, but keep her at arms length and guessing.  If, after a month or so, she’s behaved …not stocking or badmouthing you, you may decide she’s worthy.

By creating the timeline, you can relax – you’ve got another month off!  If she can’t accept that, and so quickly moves on, she’d likely have taken off again anyway… 

Believe me, I’m not proud of having ‘been there’ for mine, but I’m slowly learning… 

[Aussie0zborn]

I'm sorry to see that you're so wounded. I would be a gentleman, steer clear of her and don't let her nonsense get under your skin.

Let that part of you that is disgusted with her make all the decisions because that other part of you that still loves her will let you down. We've all let ourselves down in these relationships so when in doubt, read and re-read these forums and see if you want to end up like the worst situations you read about here. I can assure you you don't want to be in my shoes.  I hope you can muster up all your strength and not let yourself down. As Inside said, create your own timeline. Good luck.