Divorce is over, but disregulation endures

[rogerroger]

In the mere 2 weeks since the divorce trial, ex has already:

1. Sent the police to my house because (she claimed) the kids are dirty and have lice. (She freaked out earlier this summer when they caught head lice, and refuses to accept that they have been adequately treated.)

2. Complained/threatened/claimed to have contacted the kids' school informing them of an "ongoing" untreated lice problem.

3. Complained/threatened/claimed to have contacted the court that she has not had her minimum court-ordered visitation (false) and that I have made "violent requests" to deny her visitation.

4. Complained/threatened/claimed to have filed a report that I am delinquent in my spousal support payment. (I only got a copy of the court's final order yesterday).

5. Is planning, according to her parents, to come to the house tomorrow to retrieve personal property. I learned of this yesterday and was not asked whether or not that day & time will work for me. I want enough time to make sure that someone from the police or Sheriff's department accompanies her.

6. Sent odd incoherent text messages recommending?/accusing? that I should/must/do take testosterone supplements in order to comply with court orders.

What do I do with these text messages or reports from her parents? I make sure to document and then ignore them.

[Waddams]

i would make sure the locks were changed and not be there when she arrived.  and ignore the raging later.

the rest... . meh.  if you have documentation that the head lice issue is taken care of, then that's that.  let her make a scene.

perhaps have your lawyer send her a cease and desist letter or you'll be filing charges for harassment?

how do you document your actual communication with her regarding visitation?

What do I do with these text messages or reports from her parents? I make sure to document and then ignore them.

that's all i'd do.  just follow the court order and document it.  let her make as big a jack-hole of herself as she wants otherwise.

[momtara]

This is really frustrating.  I expect similar stuff to continue from my husband after our divorce too.  He's not as dysregulated as your ex, but DOES make the false claims of withholding.  I have plenty of documentation, but I also know that a judge makes decisions in a few minutes and I fear going to court to have to deal with this anyway.

Even if it amounts to nothing, it's harassment.

What did the police say after they came over?  I think it's good if they realized she was imagining stuff, because they'll start to know she's not credible. 

You can have your lawyer send her lawyer a letter, or file a harassment charge, or hope it calms down if you don't respond. There may be other solutions too.

[ForeverDad]

She has supervised visitation.  That in itself speaks volumes.  However, be alert since she can still cause all sorts of havoc and chaos - as she has already tried to do in various ways.

I agree, there should be an officer present when she comes to get her things.  Is it possible to box up the majority of it so she spends less time wandering through the house and digging through every cupboard and closet?  Typically, the one retrieving their property can only take personal items unless the other person allows it or the items are specified in the written order.  Be aware that officers don't want it to take very long so have some boxes or strong bags handy to avoid delays if she is unprepared.  Lock away any sensitive items that you know you'll be keeping so she can't cause too much of a fuss trying to grab too much.

An officer will not want to get involved with ex-bashing from either of you, so likely she won't cause much trouble when getting her things.  If she runs out of time, then schedule another visit or find a solution while the officer is still there.  Do have a copy of the order at hand in case you need it.  (Keep a copy in your car, a copy at work, a copy at home, a copy at... . you get the idea.)

I agree, it is no longer her home so if there is any possibility she has keys or had any in the past, change the locks.

[rogerroger]

Is it possible to box up the majority of it so she spends less time wandering through the house and digging through every cupboard and closet?  Typically, the one retrieving their property can only take personal items unless the other person allows it or the items are specified in the written order.  Be aware that officers don't want it to take very long so have some boxes or strong bags handy to avoid delays if she is unprepared.  Lock away any sensitive items that you know you'll be keeping so she can't cause too much of a fuss trying to grab too much.

She was asked to produce a list of what she wanted, but never did. Apart from my personal property or anything the kids really need, she can have just about anything that isn't nailed down.

I agree, it is no longer her home so if there is any possibility she has keys or had any in the past, change the locks.

I changed the locks long ago after she was served with the protective order. Now that the custody decision didn't go the way she wanted, I wouldn't put it past her to resort to vandalism, either. I've asked my neighbors to keep a watchful eye.

[Forward2free]

I changed the locks long ago after she was served with the protective order. Now that the custody decision didn't go the way she wanted, I wouldn't put it past her to resort to vandalism, either. I've asked my neighbors to keep a watchful eye.

Stay aware - this is exactly what BPD/Nxh did to me, all A$79,000 worth!

Do you have a security system? I have 8 cameras now and a HDD that I can download from for under A$1,000. If she does take a revenge shot, it would be better to catch her red handed so there is no delay to police pressing charges etc.

[catnap]

It appears she didn't show up for her belongings yet.  Possibly a preemptive move would be to box up what is clearly hers and take it to her parents house (let them advise her of the boxes) for her to retrieve.   

She was asked to produce a list of what she wanted, but never did.

Anything else she wants needs to be on a written list.  This keeps her out of the house. . .and possibly another run of false reports, i.e. bad plumbing, filthy conditions, and anything else she can dream up.

[Rubies]

I changed the locks long ago after she was served with the protective order. Now that the custody decision didn't go the way she wanted, I wouldn't put it past her to resort to vandalism, either. I've asked my neighbors to keep a watchful eye.

Stay aware - this is exactly what BPD/Nxh did to me, all A$79,000 worth!

Do you have a security system? I have 8 cameras now and a HDD that I can download from for under A$1,000. If she does take a revenge shot, it would be better to catch her red handed so there is no delay to police pressing charges etc.

  See, people who don't understand raging BPD call me paranoid.  We have very high security measures.  3 years since he left, he remarried 14 days after the divorce was final, but I got custody of our DD.  She went NC when she turned 18 last winter.  BPD stalking, gaslighting, harassment, burgling and 3rd party BS is still a part of our lives.