I need some advice to keep from slipping backwards.

[Cipher13]

Without going into detail fo the back story I will just set it up by saying I need soem help with how to approach a specific topic.   My wife has recendtly gone back to her current job full time after takeing a small break to part time to look at other oppotunities.  Now she has about 5 days a vacation left that we are planning fo rend of December for a nice vacation. I have 10 days of vacation left.  I was hoping to use half for the vacationand half for hunting season.  Her dad goes every year and I went last year. He is expecting em to go. I want to but I know its going to be a battle as my wife doesn't wanto em to go without her. She went last year also.  So Now she wants me to ask my work to buy back the extra vacation days I purchased.

How do I bring this up in a way it won't cause further issues. I have told her I'd rather no go before becasue there really isn't any deer. I claim she has made also. Long sotry short  have too many vacation days she doesn't want me to take unless she is with me.

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[eeyore]

Is there a compromise you can find? 

[Cipher13]

You know I don't really know. She has made it so I feel I can't ask for any time for myself. That topic brings up the whole you don't love me if you don't wan to be with me 24/7 thing.  To be honest my life has been a bunch of compromises and thats nothing new. I'd like one that favors me a littlw more than 10%.

I've been a people please all my life. When it comes to me time or somethign for myself its usually fals last on the list so therefore doesn't usually happen.

Let me ask this is it wrong to ask to go for an extended weekend. Now if she is worried that I will be doing what ever her mind thinks I am doing while I spend the weekned inthe woods with her dad who she completely trusts then why shouldn't I be able to.  I gues the biggest probelme I have is that she wants me to give away or not use vacation days becasue I have mor ethan her and that means if I use them she won't be there with me.

I just need tolay it out and just ask and let the chips fall where they lie. After all I'm not allowed anythign unless she deams it ok anyway. 

[eeyore]

everyone is different.  For me I have to do things slowly.  Generally when you change things people don't like big changes.  So if it were me, I might start to take bits of time here and there slowly and create an atmosphere where it's ok to be without her.  Then build up to a week long vacation. 

In looking back it was ok for him to go on weekend golf trips with the guys.  He would go on several a year.  But for me to go for a week, he'd object to that.  And if I made plans when he was with the guys then it was ok.  However, if the guys are gone all the girls are stuck with the kids so us girls could never do things.  I don't have kids so I was left by myself, which was ok in some ways.  In hindsight I was too compromising and therefore gave up a lot for a little. 

[Cipher13]

I'm now running into another new thing... .new things seem to be popping up alot latley... .So the question of intamacy has come up over the lasty few weeks, more so lately. She claims I am not but in reality I am being turned down. She clamed last night maybe I'm being to suttle. I am wondering now if its another move to push oro test things.  Because if she claims I am not then I must be getting it from someone from work or myself. 

This is the new eggshell coating I am walking on now. I have to be ultra senstive to this feeling of vulnerability. So my question what is the gamit of emostiosn and trials and games can they run? Can it be in cycles? At least there are no rages so far. I am treating this with kid gloves as soft and emotionally open as I can. I don't knwo how else to get through.

[briefcase]

I think you should go hunting with her dad.  You can compromise on the length of the trip if you want her.  Use SET.  You love her.  You get it that she wants to go too.  But, she doesn't have the time this year and you need to use the time before the end of the year.  Would she rather go hunting than take the vacation at the end of the year?  Leave it up to her, but be firm that one way or another you'll be using your vacation time to go hunting. 

As for the sex, she's telling you to be more forward in your advances.  There's not much downside to this.  If she's in the mood, well, you get to have sex!  If she isn't in the mood she clearly knows you wanted to (so she's perhaps less worried that you're getting it somewhere else). 

 

[Cipher13]

briefcase

I asked about if she would rather go hunting or later int he year. She preferes later in the year. She also asked me to tell her dad we can go this year. I did but didn't text here back after saying i did. Oops I though she would have figured that since I asked what should I tell him... .

I have tried to initiate. Maybe not forward enough but I have been accused of being to forward at times. Then when she brings it up I am not able to try as then its forced. Sometimes I'm not that connected to her when this is all going down. Difficult to be in the mood when the other is yelling at you.