well, I knew it would eventually happen

[whippled]

Well like I figured, she would just keep getting worse.  To go with my other post I've tried to keep things on an even kilter when it comes to her issue with my wife.  She didnt show up to my sons game 2 weeks ago and it was a relief.  After she went haywire last time she tried telling me at pickup I would have to deal with her being that way cause she was having health issues and their still doing tests, to which I didnt even acknowledge since I know this game.   Then this weeks game she seemed fine.  My wife spoke to her cordially.  My son did tell her she wasnt going to baby him anymore cause hes not a baby.  This was on the sidelines during his game.  It came out of no where.  Hes 7 with his own mind and he realizes whats going on.

She asked me what times his practices were which I told her dates and times and, once again, she tried saying she was going to take him to lunch after the game.  I had to shoot that down again as he decided he wanted to go to a bd party instead of a small amusement park with her.  Plus its not on her time.  All seemed fine and 15 mins after I return to work I get a text saying there are still issues and since we cant seem to be on common ground we need a 3rd party to intervene.  I didnt respond.   She then sends another one saying after the stunt today dont ask for her to switch weekends to do stuff on her time.  The last time anything was switched it worked out cause she was going to wisconsin to a game and couldnt get him cause he had school.  I asked what her what she was talking about now and she went off trying to tell me when she was getting him and if I didnt like it too bad.  Then went into multiple texts degrading my wife and going off to which I didnt respond.  Some of what she said we had no clue how she found out, until my wife looked at her log on fb and saw logins from areas close to her but my wife hadnt been.  My son overheard my wife talking on the phone about it and said mom didnt do it, she had andy, her ex husband do it. 

My son told my wife friday night that his two brothers told him to watch mom, shes been taking our pills.  Which my wife tried to get him off the subject cause there were other kids around but then hr said he woke up one night and she was messing with pills and tried to hurry and hide them.  This is what she did time for, got 6 more felonies to add to her other 6, and is on 5 years probation for.  Sunday she texted my wife asking my son to call, which he did. 

Well today the daily driver my wife drives broke down before practice so I had to go get her.  Well his mom came down to go to his practice.  I thought she may after asking the times but never told me she was.  She texted 15 mins after practice started asking if he was going and I told her I had an emergency so no.  15 mins later she calls and I figured she wanted to talk to him.  Instead she starts questioning me about what emergency and that I knew she was going.  I told her if I had known I wouldve dropped him off with her but she just kept going and I had enough.  She said we needed a mediator and I told her then retain a lawyer and start it since shes the one with the issue here and she kept going.  I had to tell her on my time my wife can have him while im at work as shes a family member and in this state the guidelines specify this.  I only have to give her the option if a) she lives close which she doesnt and that is only if its not a family member living with me that he will be with and b) she doesnt get to set whatever times she wants.  Then she went into the switching weekends and how shes not giving him up so he can go to stuff I want on her time.  Once again thats not the case and she gets him on her time, which I told her again.  She then started going way off and started to attack my wife and I ended it there and told her I was reporting the harassing texts. 

I know its a bit of non needed communication but once she started attacking, I wasnt dealing with it anymore.  My other issue is he has to be at a game announcement friday evening on her time which I just got times for.  Bad thing is im suppose to still be at work and my wife will give him to her but I think thats a sketchy situation right now.  I also dont know if I report her possibly taking her kids adhd meds to her PO or dcs or the police in her city.  I do not have her address as shes moved a few times since last year.  Shes been involved with dcs as recent as a few months back.  I also havent filed the harassment report yet since the kids were up and neighbors were outside.  I dont want the unneeded attention from it at the house.  She did text later asking him to call.  We were home by then yet I know she knows all and try saying I had no emergency and just didnt go cause she was there.  What I found funny was that she said I gave her the days mon tues fir his practice but she got the times.  My wife heard me tell her mon weds and the times.  I think shes so out of it she is getting lost in her lies like before.  Its getting sort of scary. 

Btw I have primary and final decision authority. Ok rant over.  This board has been great, but I still havent figured out a technique or boundary that either works or that I dont have to deal with a whole bunch of crap over.     

[newlymarried]

When you set a boundary with a BPD, you are going to get push back. They want to know if you really mean it. Tell her that you will only communicate via email. She will rant and rave over this. If she calls you, tell her you will only communicate via email. If she calls again, don't answer. You can decide how much room you will allow your ex to have in your house. Stick to the parenting plan. Have everything in writing, and when she acts against the parenting plan get her for contempt. If she harasses you, tell law enforcement.

[whippled]

True.  With her everything has always resulted in push back.  I did call to file a report for harassment via text.  These type of texts in the previous county I lived resulted in a report.  This time they told me she has to threaten me or my wife before its harassment.   They were younger officers who also said I should file a protective order, which I dont think theres enough that theyll grant it yet.  I think they may not have understood what other officers had told me in the past when I filed.  Ill vontinue logging things though. 

On a side note my son spoke with me about what he saw and his brother had said.  Basically his mom was dividing pills and he said theyve been selling them for money.  He was in a psych hospital up until earlier this year so who knows what they have him on but I believe he knows since he was always the vocal one.  Its sad cause he needs the meds.  My wife believes we just need to report it to dcs and her PO.  I agree with her at this point since this was from the last time he was there.  I know ill be the target of retaliation whether I did it or not.  She also was adamantly wanting my sons FB coaches number so I gave her the league presidents email.  I figure shes either telling them when shes gonna bring him to their pre HS game announcement, making sure I gave he the right time, or trying to start something about my wife going cause shes that immature. 

She is way out in left field right now.  If what my sons brother says is true, thats probably part of it.  Shes doing something wrong and knows it.  Plus shes pprobably taking them too.  Yeah, the situation is getting escalated quickly.  Something has to give though.  Shes back to thinking she rules the world, which is usually when she gets put back in jail.

[newlymarried]

If she goes to jail, can't you prove her unfitness to be around the kids? What is she getting jailed for? In our state if it has anything to do with DV, you could get her rights termed.

[whippled]

Youd think thatd be the case and especially with cps involved but no.  She has 12 felonies on her record since 08.  Identity theft charges, perjury, and last case was for theft of her kids meds.  Basically its a no win this time if shes caught but the courts just wont term parental rights.  At least from what ive seen its hard. 

[newlymarried]

Have you asked a lawyer what needs to be done to term her rights?

[whippled]

My previous lawyer has said it takes quite a bit.  She basically has to prove herself unfit.  We thought she had but because cps was helping her the court didnt see it that way.  Best I could do at the time was what I have now.  Its joint by term only.  All she has is visitation and the use of the exemption on the even years.  I would imagine that if shes caught this time it may become easier and more likely as she would show continued situations of putting her other kids at risk.  Thing is she hovers over my son and puts her other 4 off supposedly cause hes the baby. 

[newlymarried]

If the charges stick for stealing her kids meds, won't that also get her for reckless endangerment; ie unfit?

[whippled]

That was a thought but for some reason nothing happened with it.  I did report her to cps for what my son said and she just called going off saying my wife called them and shes jealous.   Also that she needs to stop pumping my kid for info which isnt happening.   She said its gone too far and I reminded her the turmoil is started by her and no one is jealous of her.  Im sure she will be questioning my son which if he tells her he told us she will twist around to whatever.  Im getting sick of it all.