Eating me alive: Is my son really my son?

[Depression = 72% of members]

Another discovery made, I just can't help myself looking - and hit__ the depth of the morass that I thought was a relatively good marriage and relationship.  Not only has my dBPD-stbExW been screwing around with my replacement since Sept 2012, but not long after she went off birth control (without my knowledge, her "last ditch effort to save" our marriage 3 yrs in) she had unprotected sex at a party with one of our locals - right around the time-frame our son was conceived, I believed between us, no room for doubt.  

Now it's eating me alive - desperately looking for local paternity testing availability, but apparently in New York State it's like pulling hen's teeth - no-one knows where to go, or how to process one of the DIY kits our local Walmart carries.  I've raised and loved this boy as my son since I watched him delivered in the OR, and nothing will change that - he's my son, blood or not - but I have to know... . Confronted, she confirmed the encounter, and the intent to tell me our son may not be mine.  She swears up and down, she's had no other encounters - I can't believe a damned thing anymore.  

Losing it all over again, and i was finally achieving a bit of peace with our separation, her new residence, working everything out to make our dealings peaceful at least, if not completely friendly.

[Walker9455]

Another discovery made, I just can't help myself looking - and hit__ the depth of the morass that I thought was a relatively good marriage and relationship.  Not only has my dBPD-stbExW been screwing around with my replacement since Sept 2012, but not long after she went off birth control (without my knowledge, her "last ditch effort to save" our marriage 3 yrs in) she had unprotected sex at a party with one of our locals - right around the time-frame our son was conceived, I believed between us, no room for doubt.  

Now it's eating me alive - desperately looking for local paternity testing availability, but apparently in New York State it's like pulling hen's teeth - no-one knows where to go, or how to process one of the DIY kits our local Walmart carries.  I've raised and loved this boy as my son since I watched him delivered in the OR, and nothing will change that - he's my son, blood or not - but I have to know... . Confronted, she confirmed the encounter, and the intent to tell me our son may not be mine.  She swears up and down, she's had no other encounters - I can't believe a damned thing anymore.  

Losing it all over again, and i was finally achieving a bit of peace with our separation, her new residence, working everything out to make our dealings peaceful at least, if not completely friendly.

[ZigofZag]

Oh my friend, that is a nightmare. I know as I have been there.

Best thing to do is get a kit online and sort the DNA test out asap. It is the not knowing that will eat you.

I am in England and so can't recommend an online service, I can tell you that it is quick and easy once you get around to doing it.

I paid about £88 what's that $120 ? They sent me two swabs and it was a quick rub on the inside of the cheek for my daughter and I. They emailed the result back which I could open with a password. Relief when the result comes through. Stay strong, this is your biggest test. When you know the result then you can start again.

Onwards !

You are not alone  

[GreenMango]

Walker I don't what to say.  That's an awful thing to have to confront.

Have you found a paternity test?

[Octoberfest]

Walker, you have my deepest sympathies. I can't imagine having to face such a void.  I am truly sorry that this person has put you in the situation you find yourself in.

Peace and Strength

Octoberfest

[Clearmind]

You can also arrange mobile collectors to come to you!

All the best to you

[seektruth]

I'm sorry you're in this position right now of questioning the paternity of your child, how awful that must be.  

You can order a DNA test kit online for about $150.  I believe you take either saliva or hair samples and you send those in.  You receive the results by certified mail in a month or so.  I have a friend who did this and the results are 99.9999% accurate.  I hope this helps.  Good luck to you and I hope you get the answer you need... .and want.

[Walker9455]

Unfortunately, I am in a bit of a quandary re: administration of a DNA test kit here in New York state - some lackwit in Albany pushed through a law severely curtailing use of same by member of the general public, there almost always has to be a court order involved to obtain information that is available anywhere else in the country.  I have contacted our County Family Court, and completed the forms for submission - going back on Monday to consult with them as to how - if possible, and when it will be done, with there being no other court or legal involvement at this time.  Still trying to handle things between us without attorneys or the court getting involved, but the mood swings to ugly points far too often for my tastes.  Trying to maintain stability for my son - and he is my son, no matter what genetic testing reveals.  But the potential legal entanglements are a definite cause for worry

[papawapa]

I know your inner struggle. You cant trust anything pwBPD say. I know my ex was cheating around the time our daughter was conceived.  She claims the guy had a vasectomy. 

I struggled through what your going through.  In the end I decided not to do any testing. My fear was that if I found out she is not my biological child I would see her differently and treat her different. I decided that she is mine as I was there from when she was born, I raised her, love her, she is my baby girl.