What just happened?

[Mr gaga]

So today while I was watching the news sad and miserable, I decided to check my email and wham bam I got an email from her saying please txt her. I reply and tell her that the last time I saw her she was leaving with another man so why should I txt you. She says she has no one to talk to and that her boyfriend died in her arms because he feel out of a moving truck and no one understands her, What the heck. Surprisingly she told me the same story two years ago before we got together.

I know her tricks thanks to this forum, she wanted me to feel sorry for her and come running to her side so she can bring me down even more than I already am. I tell her that I love her but I can't go through this again and then she gets nasty and tell me she was wrong to come to me as a friend and that she thought I cared for her.

Now I have been severely depressed since she left me, I'm on medication because of her, and I think about her every single day blaming myself for the break up while she's out sleeping with the scum of the earth and she has the nerve to tell me that I don't care for her simply because I refuse to be her butt monkey? Let me tell you if someone told me six months ago that this is where my life was heading, I would have ordered double of whatever they were drinking, drank it then blown my head off.

[simplyasiam]

same here gaga only i was such a fool i put six years into it and still dream of having her back but it gets better as time gos by

[Mr gaga]

same here gaga only i was such a fool i put six years into it and still dream of having her back but it gets better as time gos by

OMG 2 years have already bout drove me looney I can't imagine 6 years! You are very strong

[eeyore]

same here gaga only i was such a fool i put six years into it and still dream of having her back but it gets better as time gos by

so what do you do to help get over it?

[bpdspell]

Lol@butt monkey!... .what a good description.

But in all seriousness what just happened?... .predictable manipulative BPD behavior. She tosses you to the curb for new supply so she isn't abandoned first but comes snooping around to still see if your'e still hanging on her rope. Remember. She's mentally ill and will do anything to feed her disorder. That includes manipulating your feelings and emotions so she can have control over them.

Accusing you of not caring is her activating your guilt and obligation buttons to see if they evoke whether she still's boss lady over your heart.

The lies about her current one dying in her arms is a testament to how unstable your ex is.  

It's quite obvious that contact on her part was about seeing if her hooks we still in... .it's that narcissistic entitlement... .even after she abandoned you for someone else. I say continue no contact and ignore ignore ignore. And as cut and dry as this may sound get a therapist (if you don't have one already) and focus on yourself. I'm so sorry to hear about your depression and possible PSTD... .but BPD is living hell and being out of the thick of it is a blessing.

They can only recycle us if we allow them to.

My ex told world class lies to step back into my world... .and they didn't work because I was done and done. The rage I felt from all the mistrust and the lies really helped me to see that there was no future with a person who's shown me how psychotic he's capable of being.

Spell

[SeekerofTruth]

"I tell her that I love her but I can't go through this again and then she gets nasty and tell me she was wrong to come to me as a friend and that she thought I cared for her."  that sucks.  right out of the manipulative guilt playbook, and poorly played on her part, or rather immature.

"... .her boyfriend died in her arms because he feel out of a moving truck and no one understands her, What the heck. Surprisingly she told me the same story two years ago before we got together"

was it the same bf?  now that sounds fishy and hokey, kinda like a lie maybe. if its true, sell your truck immeadiately.

I totally know what you mean about going on the meds, and in knowing what you know now, had you known earlier that this was going to be the course, you would have handled things differently a lot sooner and exited the relationship to spare yourself and protect your sanity.

what are you doing about the ruminations? it stinks when they occupy our mental real estate like that... .i'm still not sure how that also takes a hold of me as it does.  but it is usually associated with having the carpet pulled out from underneath me, or simply a series of tugs, with an undermining effect.  

we have to watch the stories we tell ourselves and try to expell and replace the negative crap we have somehow ingested and internalized.  i know i really need to improve my self-talk, and am  amazed at how my thought processes have internalized uttering "f... .ing b... .th' several times a day out of the clear blue  (and still have moments of yearning ) but that is my mindfk i need to address, change, take action on and heal.  But it has become sort of a habit, sorry to admit. geez

[Learning_curve74]

She had two boyfriends die from falling out of moving trucks? Lesson: never ever help her move!   

I agree with Spell that therapy can help. Being on the forums here is terrific support, but it is worth investing in yourself by trying therapy to help overcome your depression.

It's perfectly natural to feel depressed, no matter how much of a lying user she was, you were still losing something. You had the double whammy of losing the person you thought she was, plus you also physically lost her companionship when she ran off. It's okay to feel it.

Do you have a support system such as family and friends you can lean on? Do you have any hobbies or play any sports that involve other people?

[TheDude]

She had two boyfriends die from falling out of moving trucks? Lesson: never ever help her move!

You beat me to it... .I was thinking the same thing. How does one die from falling out of a moving truck? Was it careening down the highway at the time? 

[Mr gaga]

Well to my surprise she was telling the truth, I looked up his name in the obituaries and turns out he did die from injuries sustained from a vehicle accident.Turns out He had a fiance, a son and an unborn child on the way by his fiance while he was messing around with my ex. My ex was in the truck with him at the time he supposibly fell out and got ran over.

Lets analyze this situation- My ex fiance Mother dies march 14 of this year from a car accident and a month later I learned that she has been cheating on me for months before that. She leaves me on the side of the road and goes with another guy and tells me its my fault and I go half crazy and near suicidal for months.

August 14 the guy she left me for (who has a fiance himself and two kids) gets killed in a car accident and she thinks I'm suppose to feel sorry for her and run back to her? Am I a bad person bc I somewhat feel like karma is on my side in this situation

She has ruined 2 kids lives who now have to grow up without a father and she tried to get me back into the looney train so she could finish what she tried to do with me. I feel like I have a gaurdian angel watching over me.

[momtara]

Is it true about the ex?

[momtara]

Oh, just read what you wrote.  So odd!

[Mr gaga]

Oh, just read what you wrote.  So odd!

Its actually scary odd when you think about it. It can't be a coincidence that all of this happened to her in this short amount of time. Jesus I'm glad I have no connections to any of this drama bc the last thing I need is the police knocking on my door asking questions

[Aussie0zborn]

You said you blamed yourself for the breakup. I hope you don't feel that now. There is nothing you could have done to save the relationship except by being her 'butt monkey' as you put it. I truly hope you make a good recovery.

[Learning_curve74]

Well to my surprise she was telling the truth, I looked up his name in the obituaries and turns out he did die from injuries sustained from a vehicle accident.Turns out He had a fiance, a son and an unborn child on the way by his fiance while he was messing around with my ex. My ex was in the truck with him at the time he supposibly fell out and got ran over.

Lets analyze this situation- My ex fiance Mother dies march 14 of this year from a car accident and a month later I learned that she has been cheating on me for months before that. She leaves me on the side of the road and goes with another guy and tells me its my fault and I go half crazy and near suicidal for months.

August 14 the guy she left me for (who has a fiance himself and two kids) gets killed in a car accident and she thinks I'm suppose to feel sorry for her and run back to her? Am I a bad person bc I somewhat feel like karma is on my side in this situation

Wow, that is pretty crazy stuff happening. It sounds like you were feeling the lowest a person can get after your breakup, how long did it take for you to start feeling somewhat normal again? Did you start doing some things differently or go back to old routines from before you met your BPDex?

I don't think you're a bad person for thinking it's karma. Sounds like she was a cheater who dumped you and left you feeling suicidal. Sometimes people get this idea that their BPDex is off having a great time, but because they have BPD they can never sustain a loving stable relationship.

And your story of her contacting you for somebody's shoulder to cry on and then getting nasty when you refuse is so BPD. It is kind of sad but pwBPD do tend to generate their own bad karma just because of the ways they tend to treat the people they are closest to.

So out of curiosity, what's your plan if she keeps contacting you? Or do you think she'll give up quickly after what you told her?

[GreenMango]

Hmmm... .Mr. GaGa her chaos factor is unbelievable but sadly real. Some people are a walking train wreck.  Not much a single human can do against a machine like that but get out of its way.

What's next?

[Mr gaga]

Well to my surprise she was telling the truth, I looked up his name in the obituaries and turns out he did die from injuries sustained from a vehicle accident.Turns out He had a fiance, a son and an unborn child on the way by his fiance while he was messing around with my ex. My ex was in the truck with him at the time he supposibly fell out and got ran over.

Lets analyze this situation- My ex fiance Mother dies march 14 of this year from a car accident and a month later I learned that she has been cheating on me for months before that. She leaves me on the side of the road and goes with another guy and tells me its my fault and I go half crazy and near suicidal for months.

August 14 the guy she left me for (who has a fiance himself and two kids) gets killed in a car accident and she thinks I'm suppose to feel sorry for her and run back to her? Am I a bad person bc I somewhat feel like karma is on my side in this situation

Wow, that is pretty crazy stuff happening. It sounds like you were feeling the lowest a person can get after your breakup, how long did it take for you to start feeling somewhat normal again? Did you start doing some things differently or go back to old routines from before you met your BPDex?

I don't think you're a bad person for thinking it's karma. Sounds like she was a cheater who dumped you and left you feeling suicidal. Sometimes people get this idea that their BPDex is off having a great time, but because they have BPD they can never sustain a loving stable relationship.

And your story of her contacting you for somebody's shoulder to cry on and then getting nasty when you refuse is so BPD. It is kind of sad but pwBPD do tend to generate their own bad karma just because of the ways they tend to treat the people they are closest to.

So out of curiosity, what's your plan if she keeps contacting you? Or do you think she'll give up quickly after what you told her?

I honestly gave up on happiness at one point, I thought she was my best friend/everything and it turns out it was all a lie. Honestly I never started to feel better and I always kept her on my mind after that heartbreaking betrayal. When she contacted me I felt a sudden rush of anger but I controlled it and felt like I took some power back when I refused her. Don't get me wrong I still love her and I honestly would like nothing more than to be with her again but I know what she is like, and I don't want to be tortured again then dumped like a dog a third time because that time I might not make it out alive.

Secondly I contacted her and told her that I am sorry for her loss but what is it that she want me to do?

She said she wanted me to be there for her in her time of need.

I said last time I was there for you you left me on the side of a road and left with another man.

She replied and said I never left you, why are you saying that?

I just can't with this girl I have never in my life dealt with this kind of malarkey! 

[SeekerofTruth]

  She replied and said I never left you, why are you saying that?

 

Wow, dude.  I believe you.  I'm saying it no more. 

"I have no need to be further mindfk by u as the rest of my life lies ahead of me.  And rather than destroy me or destroy my self by way of way of torture and insane lies, because I KNOW (and so do others bro, I believe) what u are like inside an intimate interpersonal relationship.  U are like a Black Widow spider is to its mate.  I don't need to go around and round in circles in your denial, projection, and lies... .Whether its a big lie or or a little lie.  I choose to take my power back and excercise self-control and self-discipline because i am responsible for my own safety and protection.  I am being responsible and smart now because  my thinking is clearer since we've had time apart.  My hearts been broke, but i'm on the mend.  Its better for me when i stay clear of the FOG and the downward spiral roller coaster which i witnesses and observed my life heading, towards my ultimate self-destruction.  I'm taking my power back.

That's my karma baby.  One step at a time.  I have made a decision to move on with my life without you.  Its time for me to man up to not only recover the man i was, but to transfer my lessons learned from this, on to my new life.  From this day forward.  One day at a time.  Enough is enough!