big oops

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

Wife was visiting kids and I left to buy her gas for her car.   Good deeds never go unpunished with BPDs.    She managed to find my "splitting" book and voice recorder.   I had them hidden, but she found them.

That just led to some MAJOR rage.   We were making some progress on mediating our custody.   Now she wants a restraining order on me!

It is to bad because the kids really need the both of us.   I wish we could some to some sane arrangement.

[suffering_parent]

Wife was visiting kids and I left to buy her gas for her car.   Good deeds never go unpunished with BPDs.    She managed to find my "splitting" book and voice recorder.   I had them hidden, but she found them.

That just led to some MAJOR rage.   We were making some progress on mediating our custody.   Now she wants a restraining order on me!

It is to bad because the kids really need the both of us.   I wish we could some to some sane arrangement.

[ForeverDad]

Hmm.  So she's searching the house and it's your fault that you're educating yourself and protecting yourself.  Typical triggering, blame shifting and dysregulated emotional reasoning.

Accept that the odds were against you getting through the mediation without some bumps along the way.  (For most here mediation didn't work, at least not until our spouses felt all other options were exhausted.  For them, entitlement goes a long, long way.)  Also accept that she won't listen to reason (from you at least) no matter how hard you try or how much you appease.

What would be disastrous is if you overreacted to her blamefest and stared yelling back to her.  Then even a somewhat neutral party like a police officer might see you as aggressive and at blame.

[suffering_parent]

Ya, its completely nuts.   She is challenging jursidiction, filing a case for human rights violations, and sueing our church.   She just expects me to sit back and take it I guess.

She is so over the top crazy though.   Our GAL just hopes her lawyer will smarten up and refuse to represent her.   Hopefully she plays all the recordings for him.   I have copies of all the recordings.   I haven't heard if she has listened to them yet.   I am sure that is going to paint me blacker than black.   I have her admitting to anger issues, hitting the kids, and having a hit out on me.

I have so much evidence, I don't think the GAL could even believe half of it.

[Waddams]

One lesson to learn is never leave her alone with the kids in your home.

Let her file the RO.  Fight it, play the recordings, and demonstrate you're only protecting yourself and not doing anything illegal.  Should get it all dropped.  At the same time, file for your own RO against her if you've got that much evidence.  I know kids need two stable, healthy parents, but if she's acting out like that in front of them, they don't need that, to be blunt.

[suffering_parent]

I haven't wanted to take those steps.   I discussed it with my lawyer.   Most of the anger now is at me.   She is actually doing well with the kids with her limited visitation.   It helps her not get so overwhelmed just dropping in for a few hours a month.

The kids adore her so it makes it very hard.   I don't want to deny them access to her.

I also fear even more craziness if I did that.   A lot of things she says just isn't true and just "drama".

[catnap]

I haven't wanted to take those steps.   I discussed it with my lawyer.   Most of the anger now is at me.   She is actually doing well with the kids with her limited visitation.   It helps her not get so overwhelmed just dropping in for a few hours a month.

The kids adore her so it makes it very hard.   I don't want to deny them access to her.

I also fear even more craziness if I did that.   A lot of things she says just isn't true and just "drama".

You could ask your attorney about requesting professional supervised contact with children.  By using the professional the children are protected by a neutral 3rd party who will terminate the visit if she acts inappropriately.  The children are being subjected to rages whether directed at them or not that are not healthy for them.  It also alleviates the issue of you having contact with her. 

[david]

You made a mistake by trusting her to act as you would. Don't make that mistake again.