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Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse... Have you considered that being critical, judgmental, or invalidating toward the other parent, no matter what she or he just did will only make matters worse? Someone has to be do something. This means finding the motivation to stop making things worse, learning how to interrupt your own negative responses, body language, facial expressions, voice tone, and learning how to inhibit your urges to do things that you later realize are contributing to the tensions.
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Author Topic: Quite a contrast - an observation  (Read 449 times)
honeybadger
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Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 65



« on: September 12, 2013, 06:23:01 AM »

I haven't posted in awhile. Things had been great for about 7 months and then WHAM! -  uBPDbf's dysregulation kicks in, which then catapults me into my own issues. Only difference is I'm in therapy for my abandonment/validation issues, working through all this pain to overcome them, and he remains clueless while our "relationship" revolves around him and his moods/whims/needs while mine go unmet.

I was thinking in the middle of the night about this forum and the many others like it. About all these posts and all the people here trying to help each other. How we wrack our brains trying to find answers while they remain ignorant. And in charge.

Thoughts?
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Validation78
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Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Relationship status: divorced
Posts: 1398



« Reply #1 on: September 12, 2013, 06:33:58 AM »

Welcome back Honey!

Good for you, for getting T, and trying to resolve your own issues! Many folks on the Staying Boards are getting help themselves, while their partners, the ones with BPD, do not. Along with T, it may be helpful for you to learn how to communicate with a pwBPD. There are many tools in The Lessons you'll find on The Staying Boards. If you want to stay in your relationship for the long haul, you will have to be the emotional leader, and be prepared for the moments that are seemingly out of nowhere. Nice that you got 7 quiet months, however, unless he is getting help, there will likely be more.

Best Wishes,

Val78
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