Realization.

[toomanytears]

[/quote]
She literally forced my hand.  Such a master manipulator to paint you into an emotional corner and leave you no other choice but to "abandon" them... .then they play the "victim," to justify the situation that they literally created in the first place!

My God what a complete mindf^&k it is to be with someone like that!  And to be literally punished for trying to love them... .I more than accept my share of the responsibility, but My GOD, what a painful experience!

MCC[/quote]
Exactly what happened to me a few weeks ago.I am now the bad person for having 'thrown him out onto the street' after a meltdown entirely of his own making.  It is agony.

[mcc503764]

It really is a no win situation... .the only true way to "win" is not to play and walk away!

MCC

[toomanytears]

Yup. It's not easy though and the rescuing is so engrained after 31 years I can't detach easily. I'm still spending so much time thinking about him and second-guessing what he's thinking (probably hating me for 'throwing him out'.  I realised that I even agreed to sell our house so he could get himself his own little place in the country. THis was TO PLEASE HIM and make him like me more! AAAARGH! I just do't know what I want. Going to start therapy next week.

Thanks for the post!

[mcc503764]

Yup. It's not easy though and the rescuing is so engrained after 31 years I can't detach easily. I'm still spending so much time thinking about him and second-guessing what he's thinking (probably hating me for 'throwing him out'.  I realised that I even agreed to sell our house so he could get himself his own little place in the country. THis was TO PLEASE HIM and make him like me more! AAAARGH! I just do't know what I want. Going to start therapy next week.

Thanks for the post!

Ask yourself this... .what do YOU want?  what makes YOU happy?  what can you do for YOURSELF that will please YOU?

My world changed once I took the concentration off of her and focused on MYSELF!

MCC

[toomanytears]

Thanks MC you're absolutely right. Times when I direct my thoughts away to my own growth and development are happiest. After a long day at work and a couple of glasses of wine to unwind, the bad thoughts crept in. One almost enjoys the enjoys wallowing in the self pity and then the downward spiral takes on momentum and shoots me right to the bottom. I should have gone to the gym and had a swim instead. Or cleaned the oven!

[blurry]

Mine always leaves. I've always been kind of jealous of anyone out there who's pwBPD actually stays and keeps devaluing them, I feel like you at least have something to work with, .

With me things always happen in a matter of minutes or a couple hours, and its over, I'm kicked out or she's gone. As far as her having another guy on her back burner, not sure actually. From what I gather this time, she did reach out to her normal "go-to ex" and apparently he shot her down, hoping he's able to hold his ground. She's resorted to dating sites in the past also, which worries me more almost cause all I picture her doing there is getting laid at will, and sorting through naked pics of guys all day, all of whom are happy to get a piece and probably smart enough to avoid a woman with 5 kids from 3 different guys, once they get what they want, and she's so impulsive I'm not sure that arrangement isn't fine with her... .makes me cringe, the thought.

Anyway, this is breakup number 8 for us, not sure ill find out, but curious to see where it'll go since she's fresh out of me and her ex immediately before me... .or which of us is she gonna make her full BPD charge at, with all the bs apologies and false promises... .

[turtle]

all of whom are happy to get a piece and probably smart enough to avoid a woman with 5 kids from 3 different guys,  

Anyway, this is breakup number 8 for us, not sure ill find out, but curious to see where it'll go since she's fresh out of me and her ex immediately before me... .or which of us is she gonna make her full BPD charge at, with all the bs apologies and false promises... .

blurry ---  make sure that YOU are now smart enough to avoid a woman with 5 kids from 3 different guys.

And... .there's NO reason for break up number 9.  My hope for you is that you make this the end - no waffling -- THE END.  With 8 breakups under your belt, she knows she can return - you've made it clear that you will take her back.  I hope you can be resolved to stay away from her and not let her back in.

Those poor kids!

turtle

[Phoenix.Rising]

Those poor kids!

Yes, that is horrible for her children.  I'm sorry you are hurting, Blurry, but letting go is probably best.