2nd Anniversary Report

[HostNoMore]

Hi everyone both new and old,

Today is the 2nd anniversary of when my exBPDgf made a massive fool of me as she tried to pick up a bartender at a restaurant right in front of me.  She told me she wanted an open relationship and wanted "just one".  Ha Ha Ha!  Just one.  Yeah, right... .

That event started my ejection sequence from that toxic relationship.  Last year I intended to go there, but I was too triggered by that humiliating experience to go.  I will say a drew a hard boundary that night on the spot, thereby saving the rest of my life for me and, hopefully, for someone worthy.  

Today, after my business is done, I am going to that same bar and sit in the same seat to order a drink and have dinner as it no longer triggers me.  It really is amazing how much progress I've made in the past two years, especially in addressing my shortcomings.  I am no longer a rescuer, and have boundary skills out the wazoo now.  I want to personally thank every poster and person who took the time out to help me in my struggle.  The benefits of recovery have manifested themselves throughout all aspects of my life.

For anyone just starting out on this journey, please keep the faith in yourself.  You will emerge a much stronger person.  I promise it will happen even though it does not seem like that initially.

Even more humorous to me, is that I see where she has recently listed herself on a singles dating site trolling for a replacement for my replacement.  The new sap is going to have to learn the hard way which is sometimes the best way to really learn.  She's extremely attractive so they'll be chomping at the bit to have a chance with her.  The cool thing for me is that I can sit here and have zero feelings about it neither good or bad.

I love life.  It's a gift not to be given over to dysfunctional people.

[Reg]

Hi HostNoMore

Good to hear your story.  I'm certain it will be a message of hope for many who are in the situation you once were.

I'm going myself also to a few places were I went to my ex partner, and I feel just the same as you, I love life, have changed and grown a lot as I already explained in another number of threads.

Many people with borderline will indeed never get there.  We can !

Thanks for sharing this !

Reg

[Learning_curve74]

Cheers to you HNM! Enjoy your drink and dinner! 

[Ironmanrises]

On that dating site, did you specifically look up your ex and why?

Since they have caused so much destruction in their wake... .

Since all the trouble of putting into effect NC takes (look at how many people on here struggle with even going a few days of NC)... .

Why put yourself in the position of possibly sliding back down that slippery slope of the dysfunctional relationship in the first place(you seemed really healed from your post it is also why i ask)... .?

I know NC is used for the non to heal... .

But why expose yourself to what they are doing if you dont have to?

I personally do not wish to know anything of what my exUBPDgf is or is not doing since i went NC over 2 months ago.

It is not in my best interests to know.

[Aussie0zborn]

Good to hear your story. Thanks for posting.

[snappafcw]

When I get tempted to see how my ex is its not because I want to know how she is as much as facing my emotional trigger fears I wish I was just over it. Thanks for sharing your story I know these things take time but it hardly seems fair it's such a waste of life.

[Bananas]

HNM,

Thanks for sharing your story.  I am just six months out so I really like reading these posts as I still have a long way to go.  I am just now getting to the point where seeing my ex doesn't trigger me.  (we work in the same building).  He attempts the most ridiculous conversation with me, I almost laughed at him today, but managed to keep things professional.  

I hope I can be where your at in another 18 months.  Cheers!

[HostNoMore]

Ironmanfalls: I just happened upon it by circumstance, in other words, I was not actively looking for her.  My NC with her is complete, total and permanent.  She last tried to reengage me about 1.5 years ago whereupon I shot her down in flames. I think she knows that I am long gone.

I've been NC long enough to where I've reached the point that caring is not an option.  It's just cold, hard objectivity at this point.  I do think this dating site posting on her part does possibly increase my chances of a reengagement attempt though I would dispatch her with gentle, yet firm, grace if it were to happen.  The beauty of passing time is that it makes one care less.  Polite and boring would be my modus operandi with her as I have no feelings anymore.

I really find it hilarious that someone who told me that she had found total complete happiness exactly two weeks after dumping me two years ago to be doing this on a dating site.  My NC is so deep that it is almost beyond description.

Yes, I had a great time too there as I am a hyper-extravert.  It was most therapeutic also as that was my final demon to face.  I felt compelled to do it.  It's also located on the main exit from my neighborhood so I was reminded of it way too often.  I've never been so embarrassed in my life.

I think my main point here is to bring up that old cliche that time heals all wounds.  I tried to do it last year but failed due to the triggering.

I will admit that I really enjoyed it.  Plus, happy hour Crown Royals and great food are nice perks too.  I came, I saw, and I conquered.  It was very good for me as I failed last 9/23.

Thanks Bananas, keep it up you will get there. 

Also, I would never recommend doing this fresh into NC.  Over time, NC builds an inner strength that enables one to do things like this.  You are the most important thing in your life.  I've had a long time to build my NC into an impregnable fortress.  You too can do it to given enough time.  NC is the most important thing one can do.  I am sharing this story to illustrate the power of NC over time.  Hard at first then it gets easier with time.