Do we have to maintain a negative role?

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

I don't know what's going on with this relationship right now, honestly. It seems she has ended things on facebook. Has not blocked me though. I'm still painted black right now, for the last 4 or 5 days. Lots of negative texts and vibes about how I won't communicate and if I loved her I would be there for her, to hold her. But she stays on the offensive and seems to have called things off. But I have heard this so many times I don't know how to react.

In the case that this is at a point where I need to begin my exit, I have a question. We live together. I'm not sure my situation would allow for a move. I think I could pull it off, but I don't know what she expects. Whatever is better and easier for her I imagine. My question is, since pwBPD appear to live in the present, do I need to maintain a negative role in order for her to not become reattached to me? It is hard for me to be unresponsive and mean. I guess firm would be a better way to frame that. I imagine if I ended up, as a friend, consoling her at some point, that it would in the moment make her think we were good together. So do we have to work at keeping a somewhat negative or distant vibe? Maybe I know the answer to this more than I think, since trying to be there for her has resulted in us getting back together. It is just that I live with her and I'm not sure I can handle moving out. Part of the selfishness she attaches to me so often?... .and I just get a phone call explaining that she is going out and not coming home after work until later. I said ok, to which she responded, "great conversation, have a sh**ty night." Tired of this. Not like I'm opposed to talking with her. Sheesh.

[Bulgakov]

I don't know what's going on with this relationship right now, honestly. It seems she has ended things on facebook. Has not blocked me though. I'm still painted black right now, for the last 4 or 5 days. Lots of negative texts and vibes about how I won't communicate and if I loved her I would be there for her, to hold her. But she stays on the offensive and seems to have called things off. But I have heard this so many times I don't know how to react.

In the case that this is at a point where I need to begin my exit, I have a question. We live together. I'm not sure my situation would allow for a move. I think I could pull it off, but I don't know what she expects. Whatever is better and easier for her I imagine. My question is, since pwBPD appear to live in the present, do I need to maintain a negative role in order for her to not become reattached to me? It is hard for me to be unresponsive and mean. I guess firm would be a better way to frame that. I imagine if I ended up, as a friend, consoling her at some point, that it would in the moment make her think we were good together. So do we have to work at keeping a somewhat negative or distant vibe? Maybe I know the answer to this more than I think, since trying to be there for her has resulted in us getting back together. It is just that I live with her and I'm not sure I can handle moving out. Part of the selfishness she attaches to me so often?... .and I just get a phone call explaining that she is going out and not coming home after work until later. I said ok, to which she responded, "great conversation, have a sh**ty night." Tired of this. Not like I'm opposed to talking with her. Sheesh.

[Clearmind]

Borderlines live in the past not the present. Best way to detach is to become boring!

Leaving a Partner with Borderline Personality Disorder

[Bulgakov]

Heh. The boring card has actually been played lately. Maybe not always on purpose. I think I'm boring to her even when I'm trying to be interesting. She assures me that is not the case, but I think it is a red flag in just about any relationship, healthy or otherwise. And ya know, if you get too interesting around other people, you are flirting. 

[cylec]

I don't know what's going on with this relationship right now, honestly. It seems she has ended things on facebook. Has not blocked me though. I'm still painted black right now, for the last 4 or 5 days. Lots of negative texts and vibes about how I won't communicate and if I loved her I would be there for her, to hold her. But she stays on the offensive and seems to have called things off. But I have heard this so many times I don't know how to react.

Bulg, I can so relate.  With my exBPDgf it was always, "If I loved her" also.   No matter what she said and did, it was always "If I loved her".   

[GlennT]

 You can still be the nice guy/friend. But you must get use to being used for quickies or for other services when they call, and still be able to leave and and walk away when she is done. I know a borderline, who was my landlady, who I was never involved with intimately, who has at least three ex's at her beck and call.They all know each other, attend her parties, and do odd jobs for her. She cheats on the new one whenever, with any one of them. Even though she hurt each one badly, she still has a magnetic personality, throws great parties, and hires them for rehab/repair jobs. They told me if they stop playing her be my friend game, they will lose money as she pays them well, that is until she is not pleased with the work they do, or no longer wants to be friendly, then they disappear for a while. To top it off, all these ex's have their own girlfriends also. Such an immoral and depraved relationship they all have being stuck in her web. I learned alot living there about BPD also.

[Bulgakov]

That sounds like a more extreme version of my situation the first time we ended things. I was definitely kept on call. To be honest, our relationship was better, at times, when that was going on. There was turmoil when things fell through with her other guy and then I was harpooned back in. I voluntarily put myself in the position, but I felt a tremendous amount of pressure.

Things seemed okay last night. We were doing different things but we texted back and forth with no cruel words exchanged. She came home later than I did while I had fallen asleep on the couch, unintentionally. She chose not to wake me but when I woke up for work (thankfully I had set my alarm) there was a text saying I never came to bed. When I approached her she just calmly repeated "get your stuff and get out." Now I'm at work getting texts about how I'm not there holding her. Well, hell. I probably would have broken down and done that had she let me. Last time we were not together I could actually handle being there for her and then leaving for whatever I needed to do. While holding her I would hear a lot of things that I could process once I left. Famous last words?