how to deal with a person with BDF that has a relationship with your son ?

[sunny_carlo1]

Our son has since one year a relationship with a person that we and friends think has BDF. All symptoms are their and she also convinced our son now that all his friend and family (parent and sister) are not loving her. He therefore broke up all communications to take care of his relationship as she claims that we and others are a big tread for their relationship.

The relationship is now on going for one year. My son in totally in love with her which I fully understand reading the description on your website. She has been indeed from the start working on getting him fully isolated from us and his friends however he still has contacts with my brother who I have a good relationship with.

Now and then we still have contact with him but as soon as we get to close she claims health problems to get him focused back on het again. I see him struggling with all of this as he tries to follow his heart but doesn't see what she is doing.

We are helpless, feel emotional depressed and really don't know what do anymore as every time we try to connect or talk she convince our son that we are trying to split them up.

Is there any help on how we should deal with this situation and how we can at least stay in contact and get our son understand the situation.

Many thanks

[Krudula]

Hi sunny_carlo1

I so understand your concerns. We have a situation so similar to yours. Our son too, actually both our sons have had relationships with BPDers. One has broken off the relationship, the other is still married, but things are very rocky.

We have felt the isolation too, for several years there wasn 't much contact, but we kept it going and always left the door open.

We bought him Walking on Eggshells from Randi Kreger several years ago and last week he told us it was spot on. He recognised so much of the behaviors and was very grateful that we had kept contact and didn't reject him or his pwBPD, although she still doesn't want contact.

All I can say is show your love for your son, keep the communication open and if possible don't put the pressure on him, he will (in future) need your support.

I'm so sorry you have to deal will all this. Take care of yourself too.

[sunny_carlo1]

thank you so much for sharing this with us. It gives us some hope even if it will take time. Any advise on how to deal with her ? It is clear to is that she is screaming for attention but we feel that if we give her that the situation will only become worse. Should I approach her directly and offer our help ? would that not create a bigger problem as we intensify the behavior ? However my son keeps claiming we are ignoring her.

Thanks sunny_carlo1