todays heart break

[simplyasiam]

im not sure if this is the right board for this or why im even posting it  other than i need to talk about this in someway!

the brother of my ex BPDg/f was at my home today he told me that my step kids having been asking to see me and that my step son is actting out alot with his mom, telling her and her new b/f than im the only step dad he will ever have and that he wants to see.

that makes me feel good that im not forgot but at same time breaks my heart that my boy hurts and i know my step daughter holds everything in. she is 13 now and been having trouble with depression for a couple years, this break must be hard on her as well.

it would be so ez for the ex to let the kids and i see eachother any of her family would let us all meet at thier home.

i know seeing and being there with the kids would slow my detachment and prolong my pain but if it would help the kids in anyway i would take all the pain this life could give!

[Reg]

Hi Simplyasiam,

I know how you feel and I've been there myself some seven months ago.  My former step daughter had made some similar remarks to her mother as well in the past.

There are some things I would like to ask you to think about.

Is your relationship over ?  Are you still responsible for what your ex partner does with her life ?

Why do you still feel responsible for her kids ?  Will you be able to change the situation they are in ?

Do you want to confront yourself with the pain again, and more important do you think it is a good thing to confront the children with the pain again by seeing them ?  They can not stay with you and vice versa.

So would you be helping them or cause more pain ?  For them and for your own ?

Reg

[simplyasiam]

hello Reg. yes the r/s is over. no im not responsible for what she does/i never was. yes i still feel responsible for the kids they may not be mine, it may be ok to walk away and save my myself but the kids are confused hurt and had no closure at all, they got no warring in this at all. the whole thing is just now setting in for the kids. no i cant change much of anything in thier life other than to show them someone in thier life is stable and maybe help them understand and not feel as if they were left... .maybe one or both of them would be BPD that way. i feel it could releave some of the pain for the kids and myself if we could spend some time together.