Home page of BPDFamily.com, online relationship supportMember registration here
December 13, 2024, 08:49:43 PM *
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.

Login with username, password and session length
Board Admins: Kells76, Once Removed, Turkish
Senior Ambassadors: EyesUp, SinisterComplex
  Help!   Boards   Please Donate Login to Post New?--Click here to register  
bing
Beware of Junk Psychology... Just because it's on the Internet doesn't mean it's true. Not all blogs and online "life coaches" are reliable, accurate, or healthy for you. Remember, there is no oversight, no competency testing, no registration, and no accountability for many sites - it is up to you to qualify the resource. Learn how to navigate this complicated arena...
115
Pages: [1]   Go Down
  Print  
Author Topic: Found Some of Her old Journal Notes  (Read 403 times)
Turkish
BOARD ADMINISTRATOR
**
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Other
Relationship status: "Divorced"/abandoned by SO in Feb 2014; Mother with BPD, PTSD, Depression and Anxiety: RIP in 2021.
Posts: 12180


Dad to my wolf pack


« on: October 08, 2013, 03:29:12 PM »

Along with a really nasty note she left me two years ago (which I had kept), I found a few notes from two years ago poking around on our computer. Two of them sound almost suicidal. Typical BPD stuff like she can't control herself or her emotions, wish she would not feel this way, and so on. One in the same year, she completely idealized me, called me "The One [she could finally be with]," etc... .Very jarring to me to read these things. If it weren't for our kids, whom she says publicly "keep her together" and has said privately to herself "keep her here [on Earth]", I think she would be a suicide risk. It still might come to that, not sure. Have to keep an eye on it from afar for our children, and her family, who know about her depression, but don't know what is really going on, and they aren't going to hear it from me. They like me a lot, but I will always be walking on eggshells around them because even though she frustrates them, she is still blood. Or at least I will keep having to tap dancing around certain things. Not possible to disengage from them because of our children.

I have another session with our therapist, and will share what I found. If only I had been more serious about seeking help for her then... .The only thing I did do is have her come out to her family about her depression because I saw her behavior was hurting them. But that wasn't it, so much as the BPD. One of her notes accused me of acting like nothing was wrong, and then only asking what was wrong after it was too late. Of course I shut down in the face of an angry and depressed woman, a survival mechanism due to growing up with a nonBPD, but severely depressed mother, but she could never understand that.

Last night I caught her looking at some video on x number of things men don't understand about woman. sigh I can look forward to a lot of future deprogramming I will have to perform on our daughter! Sorry, honey, but that ain't it.
Logged

    “For the strength of the Pack is the Wolf, and the strength of the Wolf is the Pack.” ― Rudyard Kipling
Can You Help Us Stay on the Air in 2024?

Pages: [1]   Go Up
  Print  
 
Jump to:  

Our 2023 Financial Sponsors
We are all appreciative of the members who provide the funding to keep BPDFamily on the air.
12years
alterK
AskingWhy
At Bay
Cat Familiar
CoherentMoose
drained1996
EZEarache
Flora and Fauna
ForeverDad
Gemsforeyes
Goldcrest
Harri
healthfreedom4s
hope2727
khibomsis
Lemon Squeezy
Memorial Donation (4)
Methos
Methuen
Mommydoc
Mutt
P.F.Change
Penumbra66
Red22
Rev
SamwizeGamgee
Skip
Swimmy55
Tartan Pants
Turkish
whirlpoollife



Powered by MySQL Powered by PHP Powered by SMF 1.1.21 | SMF © 2006-2020, Simple Machines Valid XHTML 1.0! Valid CSS!