projection? hates in others what she actualy hates in herself.

[heartonsleeve]

im not 100% clear on what projection is exactly, except they seem to hate in other what they do themselfs... .meaning that they do know there errors... .My ex BPD gf once confessed she was scared id find out 'she lies, but doesnt know why' her words... that she was 'a dick' and a 'retard' :/ but she hated my little white lies with a passion... .she also blackmailed me alot and the one time i did her she flipped... .my question is 'as she said she would never cheat on me' she said her ex was controlling and a cheat... .does that translate to i cheated in my last relationship and i was controlling? some of this stuff is soo complex

[wrigley52]

In my case the answer would be yes. My ex says I was controlling and i'm not,  he was and he cheated on me but I haven't heard that he is saying that about me. He told his ex wife that he got rid of me because I reminded him of her. I didn't like her when we were together but I have gotten to know her now and like her. He lied about why they broke up and he lied about his child support and guess what he lied about me... to her and his family... .what a mess... .he even told his ex that I didn't take care of my son when he was little... .that was him he didn't take care of his kids according to his ex wife... .glad he is someone elses problem... .

Wrigley

[MaybeSo]

Projection is not a BPD phenomena.

It's something humans tend to do.

The less we we understand or accept all parts of ourselves, the more likely we will see and have a visceral reaction to what we see in others, that we hate or reject or have blind spots about in ourselves. The scary things we see others doing, the things we know people are capable of doing... .can be very alarming. In BPD much of it is fueled by abandonment fears. They are fearful of being left, and fearfully assume you may cheat and leave them, so the hate or disavow cheating, but may need to have other lovers to help cushion the blow if they get left. It's very fear based.

PwBPD, people with a lot of unresolved relational trauma, etc. tend to be fear based and project a lot, but all humans do it to an extent.

[Ironmanrises]

Inward hate that is projected outwards... .

First target being... .

The person closest to them... .

Us.

They project that outwards... .

Because to accept that... .

Would mean realizing the fact... .

That they are disorderd.

So to cope with that... .

They project that outwards... .

The missiles they fire... .

In waves... .

At the non.

An unhealthy coping mechanism... .?

Yes.

And that would be an understatement.

As you can see... .

By the sheer number of people... .

On here... .

Who have endured... .

Such treatment... .

It's destructive ability... .

On the non... .

Is without end.

That is projection.

The rain of fire... .

While you are in... .

Hell on earth.

[fromheeltoheal]

We all project, and it's not always negative.  For example, my BPD ex kept herself from me, always, would only open up in small doses and I always wondered if it was sincere.  So me, caught up in trying to love her and fix her, filled in the blanks of what I didn't know with what I wanted to believe, that she was a sweet, nice, kind girl who had a personality that was a perfect compliment to her physical beauty.

That was a fantasy, turns out, sucks, but that was projection on my part, projecting onto her the good in search of understanding her.  We see what we want to see, I was wrong, but damn it felt like a dream come true for a while.