Screwed up.
You or the situation? I don't see anything bad in your actions except this:
I still find myself trying to protect her a little. When she does things that will look bad in court I try and point it out. You can imagine the reaction I get.
Stop being overly fair, overly honest, overly whatever. You're an adult, you have your consequences, she's an adult, she has her consequences. You do a disservice to her and the children by not letting her experience her consequences. And you would be
self-sabotaging your own parenting case.
Our fairness and niceness are excellent qualities. But not when dealing with situations like this. In this case, let the cards fall, don't pick them up for her, don't tell her how to pick them up.
but their anger at her is scary.
Sounds like they're "calling it like it is". Think of it as Righteous Indignation. They need to disapprove of poor behaviors, that will help them when they become adults and have to make difficult but necessary choices in their own adult relationships. Perhaps you need to do the same. Not with anger of course but with determination not to hinder your own parenting efforts and your children's needs for a stable and loving home.
Court is going to be ugly. I am afraid they will believe her lies. Lawyer says judge has seen it all and will be able to see through it but she is very good at playing the victim. I've been a through a lot if bad situations but I've never been this scared.
Been there, done that. It is your uncertainty of the outcome that is so distressing. Once this is past you'll look back and hopefully be so relieved that hurdle was past.
Many here have found that the courts are so willing to protect hit__. You fill in the blank. Many here will say "the mother". And the mothers who are members here would say "the disordered parent". My lawyer remarked, "The court doesn't want to make big changes since it might 'upset' the children." My response, "But not making big changes would upset the children!"
The $$$ aspect should be the last step of the process. Try not to let the tail wag the dog. Besides, if her income is low, the calculations wouldn't have her pay that much.
So... .courts are supposed to make decisions in the best interests of the children but so often the history of parenting time is a big factor. Just about as much as the parenting behaviors. Trust your lawyer. Keep reporting all the missteps and blunders your ex has made. Yes, we know you're not heartless and messed up like your spouse, but you have to let the court see the full picture, not one where you've kept zooming in to do damage control for her and making ex look better than she really is. Don't sabotage your own case, that is a disservice to your children.
