What I Would Like to Say... But Don't Have to

[fiddlestix]

In the wake of a gut-wrenching marriage, there are so many things I would like to say to my ex BPD wife.  I would love to corner her and spell out, in detail, the ways she brought pain into this family, our children, myself, herself... .  I would like to tell her how smug she can be, how grandiose, how arrogant... .  I would love to remind her how her lying, cheating, insulting, devaluing... .has damaged me. 

But, the liberating thing is, I DO NOT HAVE TO!  I need not waste any more time.  I need not invest any more emotional, spiritual, mental or physical energy in that woman.  All of my investments brought me more pain and heartache.  She only used my love, forgiveness, trustworthiness, safety, and stability to ensure she always had a safe place to live while indulging in her dark shadow life.  Now that we are living separate lives I don't have to deal with her.  And really, what good would another lecture from me accomplish?  Some say that scolding a pwBPD is a lot like trying to house-train a badger.  They are simply not wired to respond in constructive ways. 

So, it is liberating to just say nothing and move on.  God help me... .

Fiddlestix

[Lucky Jim]

Hey fiddlestix, It's a relief to be free from all that drama, isn't it?  Agree that any such conversation would fall on deaf ears.  I invested a lot in my marriage to a pwBPD, too, and it nearly destroyed me financially, emotionally and physically.  I reached a point in my marriage where there was nothing left in the tank and I had to abandon ship before I drowned (I'm mixing metaphors, I know!).  Thanks for your post, Lucky Jim

[hopealways]

Bravo fiddlestix! Great attitude, keep it up.  Doesn't it feel nice that you don't have to worry about her dark world? Now you can be in  your own world and treat yourself, be kind to yourself, have a relationship with yourself which you have neglected this entire time.

You were lied to, manipulated in the worst possible ways but that it all behind you.  Look ahead. It's beautiful out there.

[Accepting]

Yep... .to let go of the need to express the multitude of thoughts and feelings you have towards them, to them, is what I'm aiming for. As mentioned previously, no longer having any method of contact for them is liberating.

I'm starting to accept that there is little or no point in expressing the things than go through my heart and mind to him anyway... .as how he interprets or the mood in which he receives them can not be pre-empted - hence they could all be twisted inside out upside down - or even just deleted. Hence... .just trying to let it all go