It is like she has never met our daughter

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

This post is slightly a frustrated rant so if no one reads it I understand.  With that qualifier I begin.

Tonight my wife finally was upstairs throwing the normal rages regarding responsibility and what not since she is packing to go away from the family again for a weekend... .Anyway this is the first time in ages she has moved from the couch in a year or so around our daughters bed time.  I went downstairs from her packing rage because frankly there is only so much a person can hear about how much someone hates packing or that she didn't have the right bag.  How terrible it is her friend is making her come to her bridal shower she should know better than schedule it when she is busy... .

So I went to get something down stairs.  The whole time she has inconsideratly left the hall light on so it woke our daughter up.  She goes and gets her up because my daughter said she needed to go to the bathroom.  I come up and she is still up and playing and I put her  back to bed.  She starts crying saying she again has to go to the bathroom 30 seconds after she just went.  I told her no, and that she is just playing a game.  My wife steps in like she has been part of her life the last few years and tells me she has to go.  I try to tell her it is a game for attention so she doesn't have to sleep.  She yells at me telling me I don't know what I am talking about.  Then she threatens our daughter telling her she better go #2 or she will be in trouble.  Which is why we haven't finished potty training she has our poor daughter so afraid to use the bathroom.  Now of course she didn't have to go the only reason she was awake to start was because the light was on in the hallway.  I just quietly put her back to bed. 

It is so hard to understand, it is like she hasn't even met our daughter, this is behavior I would expect from a baby sitter not her mother.  But then again I have been a single parent now for 2.6 years and counting.  As I keep saying if I am going to be a single parent I might as well be single... .15 days now and counting, or who is counting, this guy that is who.  I am sorry I swear it is as if she has never even spent a day with our daughter I don't even know why she was involved with her she wasn't bothered to get out of her chair the other 1000 time she cried at night and I had to go kiss her and calm her down and put her back to bed.

Sorry all for the rant, there are very little people that would believe this behavior let alone understand it.  I am sure while few of you will make it this far in this post some will understand. 

[Knowingishalf]

This post is slightly a frustrated rant so if no one reads it I understand.  With that qualifier I begin.

Tonight my wife finally was upstairs throwing the normal rages regarding responsibility and what not since she is packing to go away from the family again for a weekend... .Anyway this is the first time in ages she has moved from the couch in a year or so around our daughters bed time.  I went downstairs from her packing rage because frankly there is only so much a person can hear about how much someone hates packing or that she didn't have the right bag.  How terrible it is her friend is making her come to her bridal shower she should know better than schedule it when she is busy... .

So I went to get something down stairs.  The whole time she has inconsideratly left the hall light on so it woke our daughter up.  She goes and gets her up because my daughter said she needed to go to the bathroom.  I come up and she is still up and playing and I put her  back to bed.  She starts crying saying she again has to go to the bathroom 30 seconds after she just went.  I told her no, and that she is just playing a game.  My wife steps in like she has been part of her life the last few years and tells me she has to go.  I try to tell her it is a game for attention so she doesn't have to sleep.  She yells at me telling me I don't know what I am talking about.  Then she threatens our daughter telling her she better go #2 or she will be in trouble.  Which is why we haven't finished potty training she has our poor daughter so afraid to use the bathroom.  Now of course she didn't have to go the only reason she was awake to start was because the light was on in the hallway.  I just quietly put her back to bed. 

It is so hard to understand, it is like she hasn't even met our daughter, this is behavior I would expect from a baby sitter not her mother.  But then again I have been a single parent now for 2.6 years and counting.  As I keep saying if I am going to be a single parent I might as well be single... .15 days now and counting, or who is counting, this guy that is who.  I am sorry I swear it is as if she has never even spent a day with our daughter I don't even know why she was involved with her she wasn't bothered to get out of her chair the other 1000 time she cried at night and I had to go kiss her and calm her down and put her back to bed.

Sorry all for the rant, there are very little people that would believe this behavior let alone understand it.  I am sure while few of you will make it this far in this post some will understand. 

[Monarch Butterfly]

I hear you ... .I´ve been a single mother for 9 years that happens to also be married for 16 years - feels funny talking that way. But its´the truth. i am so glad I waited 8 years to have kids. All the kid related stuff is on me.  I almost fell apart at first because I had my kids one right after another, only 1 1/2 years apart. All the sudden I felt like it was as if i was mother of 3, instead of 2. And I still had to have dinner on the table, clothes washed, floors mopped and diapers changed. I felt like I lived in a movie in the 1930´s when wives we supposed to behave that way.  Ugh!

[imstronghere2]

I'm so sorry for what you are going through.  I've been there.  I now have sole custody of our son and our daughter who was 18 when we were divorced was brutally rejected by her mother.  What you need to do is STAY STRONG for your daughter.  You are her rock.  You can do this.  I was the single parent without being single for the entire time they were growing up and until my exwBPD left when our son was 11.  By having you, it WILL BE what will keep them focused.  They WILL BE OK as long as you stay the course.  Her issues are hers alone.   You didn't cause it and you can't cure it.  It won't be easy and it will most likely leave scars but you can deal with that.  You're not alone.

imstronghere2

[Knowingishalf]

Thank you all for the responses, as the countdown continues it is getting more and more stressful in my head in regards to her, and every interaction with her is painful. I wish I could talk to my mate, partner and the person I though was a friend.  What I got was a second child, and I am not exaggerating. Our almost 3 year old is more emotionally grounded some times then my wife.  I think the true issue I have is I am tired of being my wife's parent.  I can't/wont be her emotional care taker any longer.  I really didn't sign up to raise an adult child for the rest of my own life. 

Some day I swear I will post a positive post.  I swear it.

[Learning_curve74]

Our almost 3 year old is more emotionally grounded some times then my wife.  I think the true issue I have is I am tired of being my wife's parent.  I can't/wont be her emotional care taker any longer.  I really didn't sign up to raise an adult child for the rest of my own life. 

Yup... .I felt the same about my exBPDgf. She was a like a child in an adult's body. Ugh, I feel disgusted just thinking about it! 

Some day I swear I will post a positive post.  I swear it.

Looking forward to reading it! You'll get there.