1. Was this a "normal" relationship as per the diagram above? I don't think it was as I prefer a bit more involvement, my partner being interested in me and my feelings and vice versa.
That is at the
core. Feelings, Trust, Intimacy, Sex. Outside of that is You and She , two separate entities as you were before you met and as you are in an R/S. That is also from T, bless his heart to confirm it for me. The PD will encircle you. Try to become you with the mirroring because they don't know who they are.
Your work, friends , other interests, hobbies. Some you may share and others not. S/ he does not become your reason for being but a part of your / my life that enriches it. Shouldn't be sucking you dry like a vampire.
In a PD dynamic, they will crawl right up your insides any which way. My SO could not Trust and did not trust, so the accusations flew. Intimacy with a BPD is not possible, because any feelings you share they will turn on you and be used as weapons in the next cat fight of Armageddon based on the manner in which you breathed. Remember, their rage is always justified and your hurt is not. It's your fault the argument started in the first place. You didn't read his/her mind properly which makes you an insensitive lout.
Object constancy, out of sight = out of mind to a large degree, which is why all the phone calls and hours and hours on Skype even while he was on site in a foreign country. There is not the consistency of knowing that their partner is there for them. Why not ? Because they are not. So you must be the same as they are. [ actually had that "discussion with my SO, it blew me away the unreality of it !] Because I was not constantly calling him and emailing him, I didn't care or think about him. His words for the most part. I was to spend every waking moment focused on him in some manner. No. I will not. I have my own boring life and needs to attend to.
The diagram comes from here:
www.angermanagementresource.com/assertiveness-training.html#sthash.x98sTbYD.7JyQhsbT.dpbsHealthy anger comes straight out of the self love, and the need to love and be loved, which is the same positive origin of assertiveness. Anger is not the "great evil" it's part of the PD warning system.
2. What is a healthy level of interest in each other before enmeshment begins?
Not entirely sure, but before I met my SO I had decent boundaries, he hammered them into oblivion. But one thing I strongly recall was the pervasive sense that he was crawling up my a$$. He wanted to know Everything at all times. It was none of his business. If he didn't trust me, he could have left me and saved us both a ton of heart ache.