the hardest thing we will every have to say

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

im sure many here have felt the same way i did/do about wanting back what we had. im sure like myself many have told their story over and over again.

today i woke to one more good by txt from her. when talking to her brother at work this morning i did the hardest thing, i let myself admit my life is better with out her and that i dont want to spend the rest of my life being her care taker. even writing that her makes me feel a little sad. why sad i dont know it crazy but its how i feel.

why is admiting the truth so hard. i think for its becouse she and i had recycled so many times thats what i was trained to do.

[simplyasiam]

im sure many here have felt the same way i did/do about wanting back what we had. im sure like myself many have told their story over and over again.

today i woke to one more good by txt from her. when talking to her brother at work this morning i did the hardest thing, i let myself admit my life is better with out her and that i dont want to spend the rest of my life being her care taker. even writing that her makes me feel a little sad. why sad i dont know it crazy but its how i feel.

why is admiting the truth so hard. i think for its becouse she and i had recycled so many times thats what i was trained to do.

[HarmKrakow]

im sure many here have felt the same way i did/do about wanting back what we had. im sure like myself many have told their story over and over again.

today i woke to one more good by txt from her. when talking to her brother at work this morning i did the hardest thing, i let myself admit my life is better with out her and that i dont want to spend the rest of my life being her care taker. even writing that her makes me feel a little sad. why sad i dont know it crazy but its how i feel.

why is admiting the truth so hard. i think for its becouse she and i had recycled so many times thats what i was trained to do.

The truth is so painful, because it's the truth. And that can sometimes go against what you think or feel and therefore thus could hurt.

[hopealways]

im sure many here have felt the same way i did/do about wanting back what we had. im sure like myself many have told their story over and over again.

today i woke to one more good by txt from her. when talking to her brother at work this morning i did the hardest thing, i let myself admit my life is better with out her and that i dont want to spend the rest of my life being her care taker. even writing that her makes me feel a little sad. why sad i dont know it crazy but its how i feel.

why is admiting the truth so hard. i think for its becouse she and i had recycled so many times thats what i was trained to do.

This is a very good point we should all realize: we were the BPD's CARETAKER - emotionally, physically, financially. That is not a true love based adult relationship. We are not here to take care of a child... .and to be treated poorly while doing it.

[HarmKrakow]

im sure many here have felt the same way i did/do about wanting back what we had. im sure like myself many have told their story over and over again.

today i woke to one more good by txt from her. when talking to her brother at work this morning i did the hardest thing, i let myself admit my life is better with out her and that i dont want to spend the rest of my life being her care taker. even writing that her makes me feel a little sad. why sad i dont know it crazy but its how i feel.

why is admiting the truth so hard. i think for its becouse she and i had recycled so many times thats what i was trained to do.

This is a very good point we should all realize: we were the BPD's CARETAKER - emotionally, physically, financially. That is not a true love based adult relationship. We are not here to take care of a child... .and to be treated poorly while doing it.

However, the BPDs also "took" care of our weaknesses as due to their mirroring they "cared" for what we longed for, for such a long time 

[eyvindr]

Great insights here, simplyasiam, Harm and hopealways!

[peas]

The hardest thing to say is "no." It's also the hardest thing to hear.

I didn't say no when he hurt me the first time. I didn't say no when he hurt me the dozens of times after. It hurts even more he finally told me no.

[HarmKrakow]

The hardest thing to say is "no." It's also the hardest thing to hear.

I didn't say no when he hurt me the first time. I didn't say no when he hurt me the dozens of times after. It hurts even more he finally told me no.

To add to that, the ENTIRE relationship with my BPDex, I never said no(!). Never.

Never ever. I wish I did, I wish I did... I of course did after 

[simplyasiam]

ive been so scared to admit im now better of i wouldnt even say as if some how saying it would keep her from coming back.

really our r/s never ended its been going on  just the same as it always did only now we are living together.

every three months she pulls a big change up high to low and hell in the middel

[Turkish]

The hardest thing to say is "no." It's also the hardest thing to hear.

I didn't say no when he hurt me the first time. I didn't say no when he hurt me the dozens of times after. It hurts even more he finally told me no.

To add to that, the ENTIRE relationship with my BPDex, I never said no(!). Never.

Never ever. I wish I did, I wish I did... I of course did after 

You know... .mine used to TELL me to stand up to her. I felt that when I did, it made no difference. However... .a friend of mine who knows her pretty well noticed that in the past, it seemed like a father/daughter relationship (she is 11 years younger). About a year ago, he started noticing me taking charge and more control of things. Coincidentally, or maybe not, this is when she started becoming unhappy (she told me later). In the end, I don't think it makes a difference, though perhaps on the break-up it is, because I am slamming down all sorts of boundaries, at the same time mourning it, at the same time feeling liberated... .at the same time her still living in my house. Very hard right now. But now I feel I am becoming the father even more, even spending more time with the kids.

[Ironmanrises]

The hardest thing to say is "no." It's also the hardest thing to hear.

I didn't say no when he hurt me the first time. I didn't say no when he hurt me the dozens of times after. It hurts even more he finally told me no.

To add to that, the ENTIRE relationship with my BPDex, I never said no(!). Never.

Never ever. I wish I did, I wish I did... I of course did after  

You know... .mine used to TELL me to stand up to her. I felt that when I did, it made no difference. However... .a friend of mine who knows her pretty well noticed that in the past, it seemed like a father/daughter relationship (she is 11 years younger). About a year ago, he started noticing me taking charge and more control of things. Coincidentally, or maybe not, this is when she started becoming unhappy (she told me later). In the end, I don't think it makes a difference, though perhaps on the break-up it is, because I am slamming down all sorts of boundaries, at the same time mourning it, at the same time feeling liberated... .at the same time her still living in my house. Very hard right now. But now I feel I am becoming the father even more, even spending more time with the kids.

In bold.

My exUBPDgf... .

Told me the same too.

That i had to... .

"Reign her in... ."

 

I ignored.

[simplyasiam]

hello trukish, our r/s sound somewhat the same. i also was 11 year older than her. i also about this time last year took a little of myself back. i told her i was hunting every saturday or sunday morning and she would have to get up and pick the kids up on saturday morning. i also told her i was done drinking every friday nite. thats when she started to pull away

[Afool]

It is hard to think that you are better off. It's not a like a light that instantly comes on. You have to go over this whole gradual process of acceptance. The fact is that you care about his person. Loved this person? But there is so much love in this world that doesn't take your soul away. I literally realized how much of my great personality was affected. There were things I couldn't say. Movies or songs I couldn't play because of the memories they held for her. Seriously, "I can't watch this, I can't watch this, please take this off!"... .I'm like, "We are watching Hot Rod. How can this movie affect you? You told me you never seen it!"... .There was a girl in the movie who had the same name as the girl her ex-boyfriend cheated on her with. Seriously? That hit is not normal. It's time to be who YOU are. Find someone who wants YOU. And the only person you ever have to be is YOU.

[Turkish]

The hardest thing to say is "no." It's also the hardest thing to hear.

I didn't say no when he hurt me the first time. I didn't say no when he hurt me the dozens of times after. It hurts even more he finally told me no.

To add to that, the ENTIRE relationship with my BPDex, I never said no(!). Never.

Never ever. I wish I did, I wish I did... I of course did after  

You know... .mine used to TELL me to stand up to her. I felt that when I did, it made no difference. However... .a friend of mine who knows her pretty well noticed that in the past, it seemed like a father/daughter relationship (she is 11 years younger). About a year ago, he started noticing me taking charge and more control of things. Coincidentally, or maybe not, this is when she started becoming unhappy (she told me later). In the end, I don't think it makes a difference, though perhaps on the break-up it is, because I am slamming down all sorts of boundaries, at the same time mourning it, at the same time feeling liberated... .at the same time her still living in my house. Very hard right now. But now I feel I am becoming the father even more, even spending more time with the kids.

In bold.

My exUBPDgf... .

Told me the same too.

That i had to... .

"Reign her in... ."

 

I ignored.

It wouldn't have helped. Nothing is ever enough. Their emptiness is too vast. Last night, she told me she needed someone to "lead" and "guide" her. I told her that wasn't the sign of a mature relationship. I'll post the story in a new topic... .

[Changingman]

"This is a very good point we should all realize: we were the BPD's CARETAKER - emotionally, physically, financially. That is not a true love based adult relationship. We are not here to take care of a child... .and to be treated poorly while doing it."

This was fundamental to the RS with my uBPDxgf. I thought after a while of her not paying her small share of the rent she was grifting me, but she was always broke maxed out credit cards. It didn't seem willful... .more clumsy, like her frequent 'accidents'. Now I realise it is her unaccountability for anything that she does. She lives in hell emotionally and lies to everyone about who she is. Everyone will get punished in the end. Sad just so sad. I am better off without her, just putting myself back together piece by piece. With them all logic is lies all feelings are truth, their feelings are disordered, their reality is disordered. They work well in very defined, workplaces, but interpersonal relationships are chaos. My uBPDxgf always wanted sex with her bosses, dated 2 now with her third, this will destroy her job eventually.

[Century2012]

That caretaker comment really resonates. I remember getting so frustrated. I was tired of hearing, "I need."

[Traumatized]

Simplyasiam:  I received many goodbye texts from mine as well.  She would say things like I'm done, move on, take care, have a nice life, bye, etc., but the next thing you know we'd be back on again and all was forgotten.

Hopealways:  Mine accused me of being the child in the relationship and said she felt like she was in Kindergarten dealing with me.  She said I took all of my problems out on her and hurt the person who was closest to me; the one person who was in my corner, the one person who loved me.  She would say, "How dare you do that to me!"  She berated me and shamed me so many times that I actually started to feel like a child in her presence.  One night we were in a drugstore and she was so angry at me that she told me to sit down on a chair and think about what I'd done to her, just like a mother would to a child.  I couldn't believe the absurdity of it, but I sat down on the chair to get her to stop screaming in the store.

Turkish:  Mine used to tell me to stand up to her, but when I did she'd become enraged and come right back at me.  She also told me I should tell her to shut up sometimes because she talked so much.  I never actually did that, but one time when she was ranting and raving at me on the phone I hung up on her.  She immediately called back and said, "No one hangs up on me!"  I hung up on her again and that really pissed her off! 

[Turkish]

Turkish:  Mine used to tell me to stand up to her, but when I did she'd become enraged and come right back at me.  She also told me I should tell her to shut up sometimes because she talked so much.  I never actually did that, but one time when she was ranting and raving at me on the phone I hung up on her.  She immediately called back and said, "No one hangs up on me!"  I hung up on her again and that really pissed her off! 

That's awesome!

Yeah... .standing up never helped, it just triggered raised voices and absurd arguments, so I shut down. "Abandoned" her, she felt "just like my father!" (rolls eyes). Then she ran into the arms of another. Pathetic.

[Changingman]

Now she has gone I bought some new clothes with the money i now have, her spending on meals, alcohol, d***s, abortions etc etc. I looked at myself and was unsure then realised I didn't look like the person I did when with her. Dropped 2 stone+, short hair, healthy looking, serious look in my eye. Wow I felt like I was leaving that time. Sad, but a much better place. I always had firm boundaries, but no one expects everything to be a lie. Whatever I did/say was either wrong or right depending on her emotions, friends, desires. Setting boundaries, ha, whyThis is a very good point we should all realize: we were the BPD's CARETAKER - emotionally, physically, financially. That is not a true love based adult relationship. We are not here to take care of a child... .and to be treated poorly while doing it. not tie down a hurricane, this has affected my politics fundimentally. If you cannot choose you will be a victim of some crazy individual. Collectivism, socialism, communism, Marxism... .ruled by personality disorders... .Stalin, pol pot, etc. they get in and cannot be removed. Choice is all. Good luck everyone.