... and then her BPD suddenly appeared

[Need2Know]

Primarily I had my contacts with myBPDgf through online chatting, emailing and text messages. Initially it was very innocent. She commented a bit on my Facebook posts, and so did I. She wrote really funny and charming comments and liked everything I wrote in return. After a while we started chatting with each other, and later it became more flirty and intimate. For about half a year I didn't notice anything peculiar; she was only so charming, funny and interesting.

After about six months of online flirting we fell in love and everything turned into a romance ... .and then her BPD suddenly appeared!

All of a sudden she became anxious, worried, loving, paranoid, excited, hateful, tremendously in love, doubtful, admired me, raging, detached, romantic, and punished me with silent treatments. You know the drill: her BPD traits had surfaced. And everything started at the very moment when we came close to each other!

Does anyone else recognize this pattern?

[HarmKrakow]

Primarily I had my contacts with myBPDgf through online chatting, emailing and text messages. Initially it was very innocent. She commented a bit on my Facebook posts, and so did I. She wrote really funny and charming comments and liked everything I wrote in return. After a while we started chatting with each other, and later it became more flirty and intimate. For about half a year I didn't notice anything peculiar; she was only so charming, funny and interesting.

After about six months of online flirting we fell in love and everything turned into a romance ... .and then her BPD suddenly appeared!

All of a sudden she became anxious, worried, loving, paranoid, excited, hateful, tremendously in love, doubtful, admired me, raging, detached, romantic, and punished me with silent treatments. You know the drill: her BPD traits had surfaced. And everything started at the very moment when we came close to each other!

Does anyone else recognize this pattern?

The BPD didn't suddenly appear, the honeymoon phase, the mirroring etc is already a typical BPD  flag. Then when you get to close, you enable all the anxiety within the BPD person and that person goes apehit, et voila, disaster.

I do think 99% of the people on this board witnessed that pattern you described.

Honeymoon/hatred/push/pull/push/break.

[Need2Know]

Hi HarmKrkow,

Yes, I need to add some colors to my story. While we were flirting (but before our romance) she had given me a number of red flags: She told me over time that she suffered from depressions, social phobia, anxiety, attachment issues with her parents, fear of abandonment etc. That didn't scare me off at the time, it rather increased my empathy for her. But those were the early signs of BPD an untrained eye cannot see.

Actually, I didn't realize that she had BPD even when the push/pull, love/hate, idealization/devaluation dance started. I was so blinded of my love to her.

Now, one year later, I can see the patterns perfectly clear.

[DreamGirl]

I have to ask the hard question.

Did her willingness to flirt/engage/date a married man cause any kind of concern of her emotional wellbeing?

I also think that's not so uncommon for us to see what we want to see - especially when we are getting so much validation from someone. Blinded by love? Or blinded by our own ego?

I know that my own denial has played a part in my part of the dysfunctional dance. A big part.   

[HarmKrakow]

I have to ask the hard question.

Did her willingness to flirt/engage/date a married man cause any kind of concern of her emotional wellbeing?

I also think that's not so uncommon for us to see what we want to see - especially when we are getting so much validation from someone. Blinded by love? Or blinded by our own ego?

I know that my own denial has played a part in my part of the dysfunctional dance. A big part.   

Living in denial was pretty cool . I felt like I was invincible. Super powers ... . The waking up parts s*cked though :D