Kids Involved

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

I know there are others here in the same situation.  I dated a beautiful girl with a beautiful 2 year old son ... .For 2 years ... .No kids of my own ... .He's now 4 and her BPD is raging.  She's triangulating between me and her sons father.  Some days the father is evil, some days it's me.

I think I've finally been painted black, but fully prepared for a recycle.  One of the things that makes me unbelievably sad is the child's role in all of this.  We are buddies and he sometimes looks to me for protection.  He knows his mother and father fight but he knows that I never fight with his mom (I make it a point to never fight in front of him, and our fights are less explosive anyway because I use my SET).

Just two weeks ago, his mom and dad got in a fight and he whispered to her "don't worry mom, when we get home, me and [thanksforplaying] will give you hugs and kisses and tell you we love you so much".  The only reason I know he said this is because she told me, and she thought it was sweet.

Today she started the silent treatment and I'm painted black.

I love them both but in some ways it's harder to "break up" with the child than the girl.  I can't believe she's dragged him into this.  He cried after our break up and she texted me "thanks for making my son cry".  After she broke it off and he just missed me, I hadn't done or said anything.

[ThanksForPlaying]

I know there are others here in the same situation.  I dated a beautiful girl with a beautiful 2 year old son ... .For 2 years ... .No kids of my own ... .He's now 4 and her BPD is raging.  She's triangulating between me and her sons father.  Some days the father is evil, some days it's me.

I think I've finally been painted black, but fully prepared for a recycle.  One of the things that makes me unbelievably sad is the child's role in all of this.  We are buddies and he sometimes looks to me for protection.  He knows his mother and father fight but he knows that I never fight with his mom (I make it a point to never fight in front of him, and our fights are less explosive anyway because I use my SET).

Just two weeks ago, his mom and dad got in a fight and he whispered to her "don't worry mom, when we get home, me and [thanksforplaying] will give you hugs and kisses and tell you we love you so much".  The only reason I know he said this is because she told me, and she thought it was sweet.

Today she started the silent treatment and I'm painted black.

I love them both but in some ways it's harder to "break up" with the child than the girl.  I can't believe she's dragged him into this.  He cried after our break up and she texted me "thanks for making my son cry".  After she broke it off and he just missed me, I hadn't done or said anything.

[Clearmind]

If there is nothing worse than a BPD break up its when a child is involved. My friend, whether you were the father or not it’s really hard to be on the side lines looking in.

Its really unfortunate that when we break from the mother we also break ties with the child.

I’m sorry you are hurting – it’s a fact of life which unfortunately has step parents we need to step away from.

We are a trigger for our BPD partners and sometimes its kinder to all involved to make a clean break rather than making short and infrequent re-visits with the mother/your ex.

What are you plans TFP going forward with this woman?

[momtara]

Ugh, she shouldn't have used the child to make you feel bad in that text.  I wonder if his dad is trying to get more custody to protect him from her.  I feel sorry for you and sorrier for the kid.  I'm glad you are a moderating influence on the mom tho!

[blurry]

I can't even imagine what my pwBPD tells her 5 kids every time she dumps me. I'm sure its not "look kids, I'm nuts and just dumped blurry for little to no reason, and I'm gonna recycle him in a few weeks after I #$%& a couple other guys first".

All I know is that every time she lures me back into her life, not only am I walking on eggshells and trying to suppress resentment towards her, I have the wonderful job of reconnecting with 5 kids and trying to win their favor back each time.

She always seems to break things off just as I'm starting to really connect with the kids too. Here I go again trying to figure it all out... .